It\u2019s so hard to believe that this whole thing is winding to a close. When you\u2019re finishing a contract you somehow suddenly become closer to the friends you\u2019ve made \u2013 probably because, like when you\u2019re finishing a show \u2013 you know you\u2019re leaving them behind soon. Once you walk down the gangway your lives scatter to the four winds\u2026until next time. In some cases there isn\u2019t a next time, in some cases the next time takes months or years to arrive. We run into each other again, gradually, slowly, but it takes time.<\/p>\n
One of the hardest parts of my wonderful existence is that I really am always saying goodbye. You learn to galvanize your heart against it, to not feel it, or at least to feel it less than you did when you first started. Even now, with only a year\u2019s worth of contracts under my belt, I feel the pang of separation far less than I did on my first time out. At the end of my first contract I sobbed like a baby for hours \u2013 or possibly for days, I don\u2019t remember.<\/p>\n
It seems like longer ago than it was.<\/p>\n
There has been a lot that\u2019s happened on this contract that I can\u2019t talk about in these pages; a lot of things that happen below the waterline and between the words have to stay that way. There are limits to just how much I can put anywhere where it can be stumbled upon by the general public \u2013 and quite frankly, there\u2019s a lot that isn\u2019t anyone\u2019s business but my own. I haven\u2019t really talked about how much this contract has changed me, because that involves talking about things that well \u2013 that I can\u2019t talk about. \u00a0I\u2019ve not talked about the differences in the woman I see in the mirror (and I don\u2019t just mean the fact that I\u2019ve gained three pounds that I\u2019m trying now to shed again). I haven\u2019t even complained about the food \u2013 which has, on occasion, actually been pretty terrible.<\/p>\n
So much, so much in four short months that are swiftly winding to a finish. A welcome close I might add. I may have been here for three extra weeks, but for me this contract ended when the World Cruise did. This last two weeks has been a d\u00e9nouement, a welcome breather after a very hard four months, but a tag-on none-the-less, the epilogue to the first chapter in the story.<\/p>\n
Those of you who\u2019ve known me forever (which is most of you I imagine), if you were to see me now, you would recognize me \u2013 I look the same, if only because I haven\u2019t yet changed my hair \u2013 but if you were to really look<\/em> at me, you\u2019d see something different . Something you couldn\u2019t quite place.<\/p>\n Perhaps this contract I finally realized something: growing up doesn\u2019t mean suddenly becoming serious, or stopping believing in things you always have. Growing up means accepting<\/em> who you are, and what\u2019s happened to you, and what the world has given you \u2013 and that just because you have a past, just because you have a history, doesn\u2019t mean that past has the right to shape who you become, or what you choose to do. Growing up means being able to look yourself in your own eyes and love what you see there.<\/p>\n This contract\u2026I think I grew up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s so hard to believe that this whole thing is winding to a close. When you\u2019re finishing a contract you somehow suddenly become closer to the friends you\u2019ve made \u2013 probably because, like when you\u2019re finishing a show \u2013 you … Continue reading