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Distance hurts. A lot. And sometimes, just sometimes, the brief glimpse of normal that you are gifted in between the distance stings as much as it heals.<\/p>\nDistance hurts. A lot. And sometimes, just sometimes, the brief glimpse of normal that you are gifted in between the distance stings as much as it heals.<\/p>\n
Amras and I are on separate ships this contract. I haven\u2019t seen him since the limo dropped me off at the airport in Fort Lauderdale just after Christmas. This\u2026has not been easy. Being away from your other half is always difficult, is always a rollercoaster. We\u2019ve made it work of course, because that\u2019s what we do, but that doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s been easy. The ship I\u2019m on is one that prior to this I have only shared with him, and the ship he<\/em> is on is well\u2026the flagship. Which, ironically, I would be perfectly fine handling myself since I\u2019ve worked it by myself on so many occasions.<\/p>\n We had thought that we wouldn\u2019t see each other until much later in the summer, until I happened to run into our old manager, who told me that we in fact would have one<\/em> cross port, just one. In Guatemala of all places. A brief blip on the itinerary where my ship is heading east and his is heading west and we just happened to run into each other in the middle\u2026<\/p>\n Which is why 8:30 found me waiting on the gangway, in full dress uniform (which normally I would not consider wearing until after six at night) with butterflies in my stomach the sizes of small moths.<\/p>\n This is ridiculous, why am I nervous?<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n Couldn\u2019t come up with an answer to that question, but I was. My cruise director looked at me and asked if I was waiting for my counterpart from the other ship \u2013 that is to say, the computer teacher from over there, as it\u2019s not unusual for those of us in the same position to meet up and chat if we cross ports. I just looked at him.<\/p>\n Nope, waiting for my boyfriend<\/em><\/p>\n Amras is over on the flagship? I did not know that!<\/em><\/p>\n Yeah. Seriously, I\u2019m in the six o\u2019clock uniform at 8 in the morning, with make-up, and curled hair\u2026do you think I\u2019d do that for just anything?<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2026probably should have picked up on that.<\/em><\/p>\n The shuttle from ship to ship to substantially longer than we had though, which led to me almost starting to pace in circles. Too much nervous energy. Finally though, he walked through security, and handed me a vase of roses, which came very close to making me cry\u2026<\/p>\n That brief\u2026ever so brief\u2026little taste of normal.<\/p>\n It was a quiet day, there were problems with my IPM which led to us not being able to visit the flagship until much later in the afternoon, at which point most of the other friends (of which I have quite a few on the flagship, for perhaps obvious reasons) \u00a0so we mostly sat and sipped fruit drinks and ate ice cream and just\u2026talked. Just existed. It\u2019s amazing how much you can miss someone to just exist with. It doesn\u2019t have to be bells and whistles and fantastic things, it can just be\u2026normal. The feeling that you will wake up the next morning and that person will be there. Because that\u2019s just the way the universe is supposed to be.<\/p>\n The thing is, the port call was only seven hours\u2026if that. That\u2019s not enough, not really. That\u2019s enough to touch normal and have it slip through your fingers\u2026when you get back from it, the cabin feels empty again\u2026and while you\u2019re refocused and you\u2019re happy, you\u2019re also a different kind of lonely. And when the day was over, and the ice cream dishes cleared and the glasses empty, he dropped me off at the shuttle, and my ship went one way and his went another\u2026<\/p>\n Somewhere along the line I have lost the ability to be alone\u2026or perhaps I have realized that I was only good at it because I thought I had no choice.<\/p>\n Which is perhaps why it\u2019s important \u2026to touch normal, once in a while.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Distance hurts. A lot. And sometimes, just sometimes, the brief glimpse of normal that you are gifted in between the distance stings as much as it heals. Amras and I are on separate ships this contract. I haven\u2019t seen him … Continue reading