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With the holiday season coming upon us so quickly I find myself thinking a lot about tradition these days. What makes a tradition, where do they come from, and deep down, what purpose do they serve when you realize that you may be carrying a tradition for no other reason than \u201cit\u2019s always been this way\u201d.<\/p>\n
Not to say, of course, that I don\u2019t think traditions serve a purpose, and so many traditions are beautiful. An equal amount are silly. A great many are both beautiful and<\/em> silly. But whatever they are, and wherever they come<\/em> from, they all mean something to the people who carry them. That one thing we did once that made us feel better on a certain day at a certain time can become a thing that we always do on that certain day at that certain time because we remember that it made us feel better. And thus \u2013 I think any way- are traditions born.<\/p>\n But that\u2019s exactly the thing isn\u2019t it. It all depends on where you came from, and what\u2019s important to you as an individual. I have realized recently that I tend to be particularly bad for forcing my personal traditions on other people, not out of any real desire for control, but because I somehow think that they should \u201cwork\u201d for everyone\u2026and therefore I easily forget that not everyone \u201cworks\u201d like me. Not everyone has my roots, or my memories or my particularly wonky state of mind. And I don\u2019t really mean me specifically, I mean anyone, no one is truly in anyone else\u2019s head. We can\u2019t try to put them there. No matter what films, what days, what drinks, what good luck charms are desperately important to us, we can not force or guilt trip them into being important to someone else. No matter how much it might feel like a slap that they don\u2019t instantly accept our good-intentioned warm welcome to join in.<\/p>\n Just as you never know where a tradition comes from, you never know why someone may reject it. I think in this particular case, rejection isn\u2019t necessarily personal, it\u2019s not that the other person is purposely coming down on something dear to you, it\u2019s not that they are rejecting you as an individual, or even your tastes. It\u2019s just that you aren\u2019t them. And they aren\u2019t you. If you think about it logically, it\u2019s quite possible that what\u2019s near and dear to you might bring up quite the opposite feeling for them. You might think that first sip of eggnog Christmas morning is the best thing ever, they might only remember the one time they got really sick from drinking it too fast when they were little. Your joyful tradition may be someone else\u2019s painful bruise.<\/p>\n Not that finding that someone you care about is seemingly allergic to some quirky little tradition you love isn\u2019t a little painful, of course it is, and perhaps that\u2019s understandable\u2026but I\u2019ve been trying to remember what my Mum used to tell me about engagement rings: the thing is not the thing.<\/p>\n I know, that sounds really funny: the thing is not the thing. But it is true. An engagement ring is a symbol, just like most traditions \u2013 a symbol of love, a symbol of a moment, a symbol of a feeling<\/em>, but it is not the thing it symbolizes<\/em>.<\/p>\n That thing you do? That one thing (and I swear everyone has one), that one thing you do on a specific day no matter what all the time, that throws you in complete shock every time someone doesn\u2019t instantly want to join you in said thing? The one that puts you back with your family, or back to your childhood? It isn\u2019t<\/em> those things, the film, the music, the photograph, the day\u2026whatever it is\u2026they are not<\/em> important\u2026the feeling<\/em> they represent is what\u2019s important.<\/p>\n And guess what? You can do that thing all by yourself, without feeling insulted or hurt that someone won\u2019t come join you in your quirkiness, and you will still have that feeling<\/em>, and you can still share that feeling with anyone you like\u2026because feelings are free.<\/p>\n And so is love, and all that good stuff.<\/p>\n Keep your traditions, hold to them with time, so that you don\u2019t forget what they remind you of, but please \u2013 don\u2019t get so hung up on them that not doing \u2013 or heaven forbid changing them \u2013 makes you or someone else feel guilty.<\/p>\n Because really\u2026is that what the holidays are supposed to be about?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" With the holiday season coming upon us so quickly I find myself thinking a lot about tradition these days. What makes a tradition, where do they come from, and deep down, what purpose do they serve when you realize that … Continue reading