{"id":5031,"date":"2018-07-17T19:39:49","date_gmt":"2018-07-18T02:39:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/?p=5031"},"modified":"2018-07-17T19:39:49","modified_gmt":"2018-07-18T02:39:49","slug":"wayward-musings-seattle-usa-07-16-2018","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/?p=5031","title":{"rendered":"Wayward Musings \u2013 Seattle, USA \u2013 [07\/16\/2018]"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Hey look, no cryin\u2019
\nThough they\u2019ve got one foot out the door
\nI could be crying\u2019
\nIt ought to hurt a little more
\nI could resent them, try to prevent them
\nWhatever for\u2026?<\/em><\/p>\n

Disclaimer: this has NOTHING to do with anything specific really, just in case anyone ends up wondering, this is just musing on a theme\u2026that is spun from something completely different.<\/p>\n

There are some people in your life, that no matter how much you care about them are not meant to stay<\/em> in your life. Some people simply change too much, perhaps in some ways get beaten down too much, and that leaves them scarred and resentful and you have to ask yourself \u2013 can you really handle that level of toxicity in someone you once cared so deeply for. Once loved. You might know that person is there somewhere, and I am a big<\/em> believer in people being brought back, but there comes a point when you have to accept that even if that is<\/em> true, that person can no longer be retrieved.<\/p>\n

I am \u2026terrible\u2026with keeping in touch. Since I went out to sea my number of true friends back home has dwindled alarmingly and that is mostly \u2013 if not totally \u2013 my fault. And my job\u2019s fault. It\u2019s difficult and busy out here, and most times lines of communication are literally unavailable. We are an insulated community and reaching out is not always even available to us. So yes, I have fallen by the wayside of most people\u2019s lives. Sometimes even including my own. But there have always been a steadfast few who get it \u2013 who understand that this is not <\/em>a perfect world, and I can\u2019t always do exactly what I want when I want (who can) and that I honestly do the best with what I have. To those few I give everything I\u2019ve got available, I can\u2019t give more than that. No one can.<\/p>\n

And when I lose one of those people, in a way that is painful, and probably not reversable, \u2026there is a sorrow there that is \u2026odd. I am sad, yes. But the truth is in these cases almost everyone involved has \u00a0somehow been fighting the battle, have been trying to save the situation for so long now, that there is a huge part of me that is weary enough to be relieved in the motion of putting down my sword and raising my hands\u2026and backing away.<\/p>\n

I cannot give more than what I have. I acknowledge that what I have may not always be enough, and few know exactly how sad<\/em> I get about that, how much I wish it were different.\u00a0 But it\u2019s not, and I can\u2019t. As quite a few of my dear friends are prone to day \u2013 I do not have enough spoons.<\/p>\n

I started this blog as a means of countering the fact that I am terrible at keeping in touch in other ways. Every single one of the people who is important to me (or even just that I think would be interested) has \u2013 at one point or another \u2013 been given the link and the password. You can even sign up to get the posts by email. The idea being that I can put the big updates here, and it provides one central place for everyone who wants to keep in touch with me to do so. Something that is quick and easy to access and respond to.<\/p>\n

That really really<\/u><\/em> is the best I can usually do<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m so sorry if that isn\u2019t enough, I\u2019m so sorry if you need more from me and I am unable to give it. But this is what I have\u2026given my current (not at all negative) circumstances of life, love and employment (that last one is really the one that messes up communication the most).<\/p>\n

And for those of you that I have lost, without any intention of doing so, know that I miss you, and you will always ALWAYS have a place in my heart, and be welcome there.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey look, no cryin\u2019 Though they\u2019ve got one foot out the door I could be crying\u2019 It ought to hurt a little more I could resent them, try to prevent them Whatever for\u2026? Disclaimer: this has NOTHING to do with … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5031","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-below-the-waterline","category-reflections-below-the-waterline"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3GtNE-1j9","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5031","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5031"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5031\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5033,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5031\/revisions\/5033"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5031"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5031"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5031"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}