{"id":5211,"date":"2018-12-19T17:50:36","date_gmt":"2018-12-20T01:50:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/?p=5211"},"modified":"2018-12-19T17:50:36","modified_gmt":"2018-12-20T01:50:36","slug":"still-drunk-on-apple-wine-cozumel-mexico-12-19-2018","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/?p=5211","title":{"rendered":"Still Drunk on Apple Wine \u2013 Cozumel, Mexico \u2013 [12\/19\/2018]"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Hey maybe I\u2019ll dye my hair, maybe I\u2019ll move somewhere
\nMaybe I\u2019ll get a car, maybe I\u2019ll drive so far they\u2019ll all lose track
\nMe? I\u2019ll bounce right back<\/p>\n

Maybe I\u2019ll sleep real late, maybe I\u2019ll lose some weight
\nMaybe I\u2019ll clear my junk
\nMaybe I\u2019ll just get drunk on apple wine
\nMe? I\u2019ll be just fine\u2026.<\/p>\n

\u2026and dandy
\nLord it\u2019s like a hard candy Christmas\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll be fine\u2026
\nI\u2019ll be fine\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

There is a level of tired that you reach where you almost feel drunk even if you haven\u2019t been drinking..<\/p>\n

I think I have reached that point.<\/p>\n

<\/em>Or it\u2019s possible that I may have passed it\u2026
\n
\n<\/em>I was reminded last night that nearly four years ago I planned to leave ships. I was really quite determined about it. And I had my reasons, and the reasons were all totally valid (some of them, in all honesty, are still totally valid, they\u2019ve just been balanced out by other things) \u2013 I suspect the only reason that I didn\u2019t follow through (and actually the resignation letter was composed and ready to send at the time) was because I changed jobs, and my current position is in general far more enjoyable, far more bearable and far less stressful. I\u2019ve reached a point where I \u2013 for the most part \u2013 once again genuinely enjoy my job.<\/p>\n

Except this season. This season is hard<\/em>. Everyone<\/em> is finding this season hard. Thankfully, I\u2019ve made friends, I\u2019ve made connections, although that took me a while \u2013 just like other ships I will walk away from this contract with people I will likely keep for the rest of my natural. And I\u2019m grateful beyond measure for that, because without<\/em> those connections? I think I\u2019d go mad. At the very least, there is a core group of us that has each other’s backs.<\/p>\n

There is so much<\/em> drama on this ship. It\u2019s exhausting. Navigating it feels like navigating a strong current uphill. We all end up so tired that we feel as if we\u2019d been drinking straight tequila even though we might<\/em> had one cocktail three hours ago (if that). There is inter-departmental tension that has ramped up to the point where walking into the office almost makes me feel ill. And even though none of it is remotely our fault, the trickle down effects are enormous.<\/p>\n

The holidays onboard are difficult emotionally and stressful overall. We fit our Christmas into the slices of time between when we are \u2018making\u2019 Christmas for everyone else; and for the most part we are pretty much all willing (with only a small amount of grumbling) to throw ourselves into doing that \u2013 it is, of course, part of the job. But every so often things get out of hand. Way out of hand. What should be fun turns into pressure, turns into expectations, turns into reprimands\u2026feelings get trampled on, feather\u2019s get ruffled\u2026true colours shine out.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when things get messy.<\/p>\n

I have long been the type of woman who can handle a lot \u2013 throw what you want at me, I\u2019ll whine and moan but I can handle it, but mess with the people I love? Threaten my Pack? Treat them unfairly? Even the peripheral members? That is not something you want to do, especially not when I\u2019m this tired\u2026being empathic on a ship like this one is tough enough, being over-exhausted and<\/em> empathic and<\/em> terribly homesick? Recipe for a very on edge Shaughnessy.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s terribly hard to find the Christmas spirit in all this\u2026<\/p>\n

But I know it\u2019s there\u2026somewhere\u2026I just have to find it\u2026<\/p>\n

If I could just get some sleep, if things would just stop feeling so spirally, I just have to find<\/em> it\u2026<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey maybe I\u2019ll dye my hair, maybe I\u2019ll move somewhere Maybe I\u2019ll get a car, maybe I\u2019ll drive so far they\u2019ll all lose track Me? I\u2019ll bounce right back Maybe I\u2019ll sleep real late, maybe I\u2019ll lose some weight Maybe … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,103,74],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5211","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-below-the-waterline","category-cuban-dreams","category-holiday-cruises"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3GtNE-1m3","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5211","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5211"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5211\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5213,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5211\/revisions\/5213"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5211"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5211"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5211"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}