{"id":5344,"date":"2019-04-27T13:18:22","date_gmt":"2019-04-27T20:18:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/?p=5344"},"modified":"2019-04-27T13:18:22","modified_gmt":"2019-04-27T20:18:22","slug":"a-moment-in-our-lives-puerto-chiapas-guatemala-04-27-2019","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/?p=5344","title":{"rendered":"A Moment In Our Lives \u2013 Puerto Chiapas, Guatemala \u2013 [04\/27\/2019]"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"We can stand on the edge
\nAnd look out into space
\nAnd be awed by the wonders we see
\n~ Fame the Musical<\/em><\/p>\n

Or<\/p>\n

\u201cOne person couldn\u2019t feel all of that at once! They\u2019d explode!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHonestly Ron, just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon\u201d
\n~ Harry Potter<\/em><\/p>\n

Disclaimer: this gets personal.
\n<\/em>
\nIt\u2019s hard for me to explain what\u2019s going in my head right now.<\/p>\n

In books, and films, and stories of all kinds, they always try to tell you that getting married is supposed to be the happiest event in a woman\u2019s life. The ultimate goal, the thing you strive for more than anything else. All that 1950s sort of stuff. Never mind of course that marriage started off as a financial arrangement between two sets of parents and had naught to do with love until only a century ago or less\u2026<\/p>\n

Anyway, popular culture tells us all this stuff.<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t get me wrong I am<\/em> happy. I\u2019m excited, I\u2019m terribly excited. I am bouncing off the walls \u201cooh-look-at-the-pretty-flowers\u201d, happy. My head is pretty much all full of tomorrows\u2026<\/p>\n

And yet\u2026<\/p>\n

I\u2019m also vaguely terrified, and overwhelmed\u2026and unexpectedly sad.<\/p>\n

Terrified because well \u2013 it\u2019s a big new thing and what if I don\u2019t live up to my own expectations, what if I burn everything and find out that my previously endearing quirks have become annoying? What if I am, in fact, too free spirited to be good at being married? None of which I think is actually true, but the fear is there and I actually believe it to be quite natural.<\/p>\n

Overwhelmed because well, it\u2019s a lot to plan and a lot to figure out and balance out all at the same time. Although that part is almost finished, and thankfully I\u2019ve had a great deal of help with it.<\/p>\n

And as for sad\u2026?<\/p>\n

Allow me to explain that part. Or try to. Because I\u2019ve tried to explain it to a few people recently and only a handful of them understand, I seem to be met with \u201cwell maybe you\u2019re just not ready\u201d looks\u2026which is not at all the case. I am definitely<\/em> ready to be married. And I\u2019m realizing that I\u2019m probably going to be fairly good at being a wife. But there\u2019s something else\u2026<\/p>\n

Because what the books and the films and the advice columns don\u2019t mention is that as you\u2019re walking towards the end of that aisle, you are \u2013 by the very nature of walking \u2013 walking away<\/em> from something else. From one version of normal to the other.<\/p>\n

I am incredibly close to my family. For various reasons it has always just been the three of us \u2013 the three of us against everyone else \u2013 we don\u2019t let people in easily and usually even when we do, they don\u2019t \u2013 for reasons of their own \u2013 stick around. I\u2019ve grown up more than a little insulated, overprotected and overprotective. It\u2019s been that way for as long as I can remember. I never really\u2026had to grow up. And I don\u2019t mean that in the sense that I act like a 5-year old or anything. Things just, got stuck somewhere along the away and stayed that way. We froze time.<\/p>\n

And now\u2026that\u2019s going to change. A lot. Not in a bad way, not at all in a bad way, but change is frightening at the best of time, and when the change is this big it\u2019s a lot to take in. When your life has followed the same basic pattern for 36 years it\u2019s a big shift to know that in less than a month, all of that is going to change. When you are the closest person in the world to two other people, the fact that your relationship with them is about to shift in a way you may or may not have been prepared for is \u2026a loss? An awareness? I don\u2019t even have the word for it.<\/p>\n

So as much as I am on the next precipice of my life, and I am more than ready to start the next leg of the journey \u2013 I am also at an odd stage at looking back at what my life has<\/em> been, and\u2026not exactly mourning for it, I mean it\u2019s not like I am moving to the ends of the earth, it\u2019s not as if this really is the turn of the century and I\u2019ll never see my family again (quite the opposite) but\u2026I am very aware of the change, and the sense of loss that goes with it. And I am working through that, as fast and as honestly I can, but it\u2019s something that the books and movies and advice columns don\u2019t talk about, so I didn\u2019t really know it was coming\u2026<\/p>\n

So yes, I am happy, I am ecstatic and excited and all those other things. But there\u2019s just\u2026there\u2019s more to it than that.<\/p>\n

Just a little.<\/p>\n

But still\u2026despite that odd, unexpected emotional twist\u2026at the heart of it all still\u2026<\/p>\n

Bring on tomorrow\u2026<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t wait\u2026.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We can stand on the edge And look out into space And be awed by the wonders we see ~ Fame the Musical Or \u201cOne person couldn\u2019t feel all of that at once! They\u2019d explode!\u201d \u201cHonestly Ron, just because you … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4,17,81,105],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-below-the-waterline","category-reflections-below-the-waterline","category-transitions","category-wedding-bells"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3GtNE-1oc","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5344","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5344"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5344\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5345,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5344\/revisions\/5345"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5344"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5344"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloodinyoursaltwater.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}