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And you! Don\u2019t make a habit outta that you know there are other ways of getting attention! ~ Tarzan<\/i><\/p>\nAnd you! Don\u2019t make a habit outta that you know there are other ways of getting attention! ~ Tarzan<\/i><\/p>\n
I am honestly not quite sure how to begin this; it feels very important that I write it down, if only for myself, but I don\u2019t know exactly where to start it.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s try this: yesterday I had a very big scare. One of those \u2018throws everything into stark prospective scares\u2019, I mean, not cancer level or anything but\u2026<\/p>\n
Dammit, this isn\u2019t working\u2026<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s try the band-aid method: Yesterday I could have died.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t mean that in the metaphorical \u201clive every day as if it\u2019s your last sense\u201d (or as Buffy said once \u201cseize the moment, because tomorrow you could be dead\u201d), no I mean it literally. If it had not been for Amras\u2019 swift and timely intervention, I\u2019m honestly not sure what would have happened or how things would have played out. I suspect I would have \u2013 at the very least \u2013 ended up in medical.<\/p>\n
It was just lunch! I mean, how dangerous can a hamburger be? It\u2019s not as if I am allergic to anything. But something got swallowed the wrong way \u2013 which at first, did not seem like a big deal, these things happen after all. But the usual cough to clear whatever it is from my throat did nothing, and then suddenly\u2026I couldn\u2019t breath. Amras said later that I managed one great big gasp and then there was nothing. Just\u2026.nothing. It felt like my throat had filled up with some kind of expanding foam, leaving not an ounce of room for anything to get through anywhere. It couldn\u2019t have been more than a split second between when I realized I couldn\u2019t breathe and when Amras started moving but it felt like much much longer\u2026time just kind of\u2026stretched out and slowed down\u2026like toffee being pulled thin. So many things went through my head\u2026top of which was of course \u201coh my god, I can\u2019t breathe\u2026.why can\u2019t I breathe\u201d\u2026followed by \u201cwhy doesn\u2019t someone do something\u2026please please someone do<\/i> something\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
But the world didn\u2019t stop, didn\u2019t notice\u2026didn\u2019t see anything. There were guests sitting right next to us, who didn\u2019t notice anything until the danger was already passed. Because one thing that I never thought of before this happened, is that when you\u2019re choking, you don\u2019t make any noise \u2013 because you can\u2019t. There\u2019s just\u2026nothing, you can\u2019t even speak. You can\u2019t swallow, you can\u2019t do anything.<\/p>\n
And then Amras was there, looking at me, reading my face\u2026.<\/p>\n
Is this real? Do you need it?<\/i><\/p>\n
I don\u2019t remember nodding, I do remember putting my hands to my throat. That was all he needed; he stepped around behind the chair and gave me the Heimlich (not a comfortable thing to receive) and pounded on my back hard<\/i>, until eventually the little tiny thing that was blocking my throat dislodged and I was able to start dragging in these long wet-sounding ragged breaths. Throughout this process once of the weird thoughts that was going through my head was \u201coh no, I\u2019m going cause everyone so much trouble!\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s about when time started moving properly again.<\/p>\n
Amras sat down next to me, watched me drink some water, and made sure I was actually breathing clear\u2026then got up and walked off without a word. He returned about five minutes later with a cup of earl grey tea \u2013 heavy on the cream and sugar, and just put it in front of me.<\/p>\n
That boy knows me he does.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m\u2026I\u2019m\u2026not really hungry anymore\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n
There\u2019s bread pudding\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n
Yes\u2026that could\u2026be okay\u2026something soft\u2026very soft\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n
I was still shaking about an hour later. I almost had to turn it into something funny \u2013 even though it wasn\u2019t funny \u2013 just so that I could go back to work.<\/p>\n
I am okay. This could have been substantially worse, it could have been tragically worse I suppose. But I don\u2019t think I have ever been that frightened ever before, and I don\u2019t want to be ever again. People say that when you think you are going to die your life flashes in front of your eyes. I\u2019m not sure that\u2019s exactly how I would put it, but it\u2019s amazing how much you can think in what is properly just a few short seconds. I do remember clearly thinking \u201cI could pass out here, the next time I wake up, if I wake up , I could wake up in medical\u201d\u2026<\/p>\n
I am still<\/i> frightened. Even now, 24 hours later, it\u2019s still with me. I don\u2019t really know how long it will stay with me. I think this is one of those things that simply does not leave you. It\u2019s going to be one of those stories that keeps circling back: the day my husband saved my life in the middle of the pool deck\u2026<\/p>\n
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And you! Don\u2019t make a habit outta that you know there are other ways of getting attention! ~ Tarzan I am honestly not quite sure how to begin this; it feels very important that I write it down, if only … Continue reading