Keeping Calm(ish) and Carrying On – Victoria, BC – [11/21/2020]

All those wars. Pain and lies. Hate. Made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves. I mean, you can search the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So, yes, I know that love is unconditional.  ~ Stardust

I just wanted to take a moment to let everyone know that I am – in fact – still alive; and somehow remaining sane in the *in*sanity that is the last ….I’m really not sure how many months at this point.

The truth is, most days I am honestly counting my blessings. I have one of the most stable support networks in the world; a family who loves me and looks out for me, and a husband who somehow manages to accept the fact that it seems like I am never actually home all that much while at the same time being so firmly anchored in my corner that I worry sometimes that he might forget that he has me equally anchored in his!

I would be lost right now without my Pack.

Things are basically trucking along. Like everyone else in the world we’re just trying to keep one foot in front of the other while feeling like the balance beam is not always the sturdiest. Like the rest of BC, my little hometown is now undergoing what I suppose you could call a ‘soft” lockdown, the only big difference for me is that my fear of the ‘no social gathering’ restriction has come to pass, which means that for the next two weeks at least my Ghost Tour job has been suspended. That’s combined with the fact that ‘my’ cruise line has just announced that they are remaining in pause mode until well into the new year (March at the earliest), has me staring down the middle of “Okay so…Plan…Z? Did we even HAVE a Plan Z????? I don’t remember anyone telling me I needed a Goddess-blessed Plan Z!!!”…but, as a wise woman keeps reminding me, none of this is anything that I could have done anything about, or anything that we should be blaming ourselves for. Like so many others, Amras and I had a solid plan in place that under most circumstances would have been more than sufficient…

The current times? They are not most circumstances.

So all of you, who are freaking out – either on the inside or the outside (and I have days of both), who are trying to find healthy coping mechanisms (and possibly falling into some unhealthy ones once in a while), who are frightened for their families, their kids, and heck, for the whole world.

Breathe.

Please. Just breathe.

Remember, that none of this is your fault. You did not cause this. You are not at fault for not being “prepared” for this. You are not at fault for not having enough set aside to “handle” this comfortably. No one, and I mean no one, could possibly have been prepared for what everyone thought was going to be a few months spiraling out into almost a year…no one. Not one single, every day normal person, could have foreseen what this would become when we were all at the beginning of it. You have not done anything to cause this. You are not weak for melting down, you are not weak for being tired, for being afraid, and for being all these other things that are slewing around in your brain right now.

You are enough.

One day at a time is enough.

No one really had a “Plan Z”…know that you are not alone in that. You are not alone in any of it.

Now, if you are someone who does not wish to adhere to guidelines, who puts your own comfort above other people’s health? Yes, perhaps then we would have some things that I would like to sit down and discuss with you – from six feet away – so that I may perhaps help you to understand why that is not a good or helpful viewpoint to have right now.  And perhaps you could help me to understand why you feel that way, so that we might find some kind of a solution that works for all of us without putting so many others in danger.

But be that as it may…

This Pandemic has taught me so much about so many. It has taught me that I am more fragile in some ways than I thought, and that that’s okay. It has taught me that I am stronger under fire than I thought, and that’s okay too. Since I have been back I have seen the best and the worst of people…and have wanted to both stare in fascination and run in horror by turns. I’ve wanted to hide under my bed and fight on the frontlines. And I’m learning to balance out those two sides.

The novelty – if there ever was any – has long since worn off this situation. Gone are the days of showy solidarity, of pot banging and balcony operas and hearts in our windows. We’re tired. We’re all so very tired. And that’s okay too. No one can be expected to keep up such levels forever.

But as we go into the Christmas season, remember this: This IS temporary. It has to be. Because we are strong enough to do what we must to fight it. We sacrifice this Christmas, this Thanksgiving, so that we may see our loved ones for next year’s. We struggle with this seasons’ sorrows and strains so that we can live next season’s joys. It’s hard, Goddess only knows it’s hard. I’m frightened…I’m beyond frightened…

But just one day at a time, one step on the balance beam, one move forward. This is not the time for anyone to try and turn cartwheels. We can do that later…when it’s over.

And it will…be over.

And you will survive this.

I will survive this…

We will all…somehow…survive this.

In the meantime. Yes, I am alive. I am …if not okay…at least as okay as can be expected. And right now, perhaps that’s the best that anyone can ask for.

Holding you all close in my heart.

Shaughnessy