Circus Corporate-us – At Sea – [04/04/2015]

GlassdeskThose of you who have seen The Devil Wears Prada, will probably remember the office scene that precedes Meryl Streep’s first entrance. Dozens of workers going about a normal day, until suddenly someone calls out that “she” is coming, and all of a sudden there is a frenzy of activity: books are tucked into drawers, flat shoes are hastily swapped out for suitably high heels, lipstick is refreshed, hair that’s previously been pinned back is pulled loose to be artistically tumbled around shoulders.

The boss is on deck.

That is what the office feels like in the run up before our uber-boss (and his entourage) joins us tomorrow in Ashdod, to sail with us for ten full days until – I think – we reach Europe. At least that’s what the dates that the HD sent out imply.

Now, we hold ourselves to a very high standard on the flagship – heck, we hold ourselves to an equally high standard anywhere on the fleet – but even for us, when the big boss comes to town, we tighten our belts. Digging into the back of make-up cases for seldom used dove-grey eyeshadow, finding that last pair of nylons that doesn’t have a single mark on them, tearing the plastic off of brand new uniforms. I finished the bulk of my massive re-labelling project in the library this morning, so everything should be in place should any suits happen to walk through here (though I doubt they will, they never have in the past), and even my desk drawers are freshly organized.

About the only time I might set eyes on the CEO is if he or one of the others come in for their morning coffee, but it never ever hurts to be prepared..

Spit spot…best foot forward and all that….

Y’know, just like usual!

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Rose Red – Petra, Jordan – [04/01/2015]

Petra

“What did you find Dad?”
“Me? ….Illumination”
~ Indiana Jones

There are some things that you can never quite see enough times. This…will always be one of them.

Despite the outrageously early hour the crew bus was bubbling over with excitement as we all piled in for what would be a very long journey inland from Aquaba to the Rose City. For most of us, this was the most anticipated tour of the whole season, for a lot of the guests it was the reason that they took this cruise in the first place – but our driver pulled out of the port lot before the guests had even come anywhere near being dispatched, and we were on the road well ahead of anyone else. Probably because they told us to be there early and for something like this, we listen.

A crew tour bus in some ways will always remind me of a school bus. “Cool kids” straight to the back, everyone else to wherever. Itsy and I took the middle seats next to the rear door, letting everyone with longer legs settle themselves in the slightly roomier seats. Besides the seat next to the door has a table of sorts, which is easier for me to write on.

Despite being excited, I was also exhausted (after all, the library still had to be opened this morning, it was just opened much earlier than usual!), so I slipped my headphones in and slept until the first photostop. After that though, I was awake. Besides, it isn’t that long a trip from the photostop to the site’s entrance, so dreamland wasn’t really a plausible option.

Once the tickets were distributed we had the option of staying with the guide, or exploring on our own. Itsy and I left the guide in the dust and proceeded straight ahead, past the dozens of locals trying to get us to indulged in a horseback ride for the short distance to the canyon entrance, and straight into the site itself. To my astonishment the siq was nearly empty, you could almost hear your footsteps echoing off the stone. You could certainly hear the rickshaws coming, the horse’s hoof-beats proceeded them by more than enough for you to dodge to the right or left without breaking your stride or your conversation. Itsy is a photographer so she paused every few moments to snap shots of the amazing rock formations that make up the “Canyon of the Crescent Moon” (And yes, it really is a crescent moon if you look at it from above), I kept reminding her to save space on her memory card, since we weren’t even close to there yet.

And then suddenly, mid-sentence, completely unawares, there is the Treasury. Because there are so few crowds at the moment, they didn’t have the hold-point at the final corner that they did the last time I was here. You just kept walking and suddenly…you stopped. And you stared. The Treasury dominates the view, towering in rose coloured stone, and seeming to silence the teeming throng of people at its base. It makes everyone – all of us – feel so small.

I never thought I’d see it twice…

Of course, there is much much more to Petra than just the Treasury. Too many people think it’s just the one building.

Last time I was here, I climbed up to the tombs and found a chamber that provided a perfect natural echo, and secured some of the best photographs I’ve ever had.

This time, Itzy and I went to the highest point in the whole place.

In my defense, it was her idea. Foolish girl.

You have no idea how high the climb up is going to be until you’re completely committed to it. Twice on the way up we stopped for snacks and water; and to just enjoy the energy of the place; it feels like no other place on earth. Part of you wants to explore, part of you wants to find a book and hide in a corner somewhere and just be. But the view when you reach the top? Utterly worth it. Photo opportunity of a life time.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

 

By the time we hiked down again there wasn’t enough time to head up to see the tomb, though we did get photos of it from a distance. That said, it’s better safe than sorry when it comes to the long walk back to the bus!

As we turned the corner to head back into the Siq, we found the Treasury almost empty; well comparatively so – leaving us room to walk right up to the barrier surrounding it.

I had never been so close to it before. I never thought I ever would be.

The closest thing to a spiritual experience I’ve ever had…

On our way back down the canyon – having turned down the outrageously overprice ricksaw ride – I looked at Itzy..

Did you feel it? That…it has a pull

It does! I wanted to just …keep walking…like I was supposed to just keep going..

The whole place is like that. It wants you to stay, not in a creepy way, it’s comforting, not terrifying…it’s as if the whole place has something amazing that it wants to give you…if you just stand there long enough.

Best. Job. Ever.

Posted in Grand World Voyage 2015, Historical Sites, Ports of Call | 2 Comments

Truly, Truly, Truly – At Sea – [04/01/2015]

51-I776hJ6LGlamour and glitter
Fashion and fame
Jem, is truly outrageous,
Truly, truly, truly outrageous!

I was not prepared for the fact that April Fool’s Day was slated to include a costume party. Well, that is, I was not prepared to the extent that I usually am for such things. I usually plan my costumes months in advance, well before I join the ship for which they’re required…I’m not really a “just throw something together” kind of girl…

But since I only found out once I boarded that there was a costume party on board, and that I would be required to attend, and since by that time there was no way that anything store-bought would arrive (ever tried to ship something to Dubai?? Hint: it’s not easy!)…which left me with limited options.

Thankfully, Jersey came to the rescue, and loaned me the brightest pink wig you’ve ever seen, and picked up a pair of crazy floral jeggings in Singapore for me…I then proceeded to pick up a super-cheap t-shirt at the shops, and slice it to heck and gone to turn it into a side-tie (I had forgotten there is no other way to covert a t-shirt to a side-tie, which is probably why I never did it as a kid). And then I put everything in the cupboard for a while and tried not to think of what it would look like when I put it all together.

Until tonight, when I did put it all together. First, it’s been a long time since I wore a wig, looking in the mirror and seeing a hot pink bob-cut does give one pause, second, I wasn’t one of the “cool kids” in grade school, so I never wore the eighties in the eighties. But… Figuring I may as well go big or stay home, I did full show make-up, and dug around into the bottom of my make-up bag until I found my near-black purple lipstick.

I found myself looking in the mirror staring at a version of myself that certainly never actually existed in the 80s.

It’s amazing how many people don’t recognize you when you happen to be wearing a wig. Had I gone with a side-ponytail instead I’m sure I would have remained instantly recognizable, but apparently no one expects the librarian to have electric-shock-pink hair. There were so many people who didn’t have the faintest clue who I was until I spoke! Apparently I can pull of the whole “Jem and the Holograms” look much better now than I would have been able to when it was actually in fashion.

Rule of me: Never do a costume by half-measures.

Did I mention that I love my job??

 

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Radio Ga-Ga – At Sea – [03/30/2015]

71754-461x306Radio, remember radio
We used to turn the dial
And use our imagination…
[…]
Radio, I miss you so-de-oh-vo-dee-oh
Do-dee-yo-do
Radio, I miss you so

The Radio Dinner is not quite as much of a ‘traditional’ show as the Murder Mystery, in that it’s a scripted reading, no memorization – or, in fact, intense characterization – required. The script is so hilariously written that you could literally deliver the lines flat and you would still get a good reaction, add to that the fact that the team is really just a bunch of hams, and pour a healthy few bottles of red over the audience…and it’s pretty much a guarantee that the performance is going to be a smash.

And it was.

What the radio show actually is is an over the top spoof of old time radio programming (who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of our scriptwriters!)…it’s a three hour performance in the specialty dining room, that includes a four course meal and limitless wine for the guests.

The nice thing for us about the Radio Show is that we don’t have to eat at the tables with the guests. Instead they close off the back portion of the dining room and serve us back there. Hence the whole thing becomes a massive laugh filled team dinner backstage…every time we came back from doing a scene in the dining room, the plates from the previous course were magically cleared and the next course was in front of us. We dined a course behind the guests I think.

Once we were all settled with our glasses full and our appetizers in front of us, the CD stood up raised his glass and said,

To hours and hours of blood sweat and tears to get this thing right…

And we all looked at him with slightly raised eyebrows

Okay okay, so it was only two really easy rehearsals, but THEY don’t know that! So let’s just kill this shall we?!

And clink, clink, clink all around the table. And when we got back from the second skit…

Hey Jersey, did they give you gingerale for the ‘Meaningless Toaster’ bits or is that real champers?

Nope…that…is champagne

You’ve got to be kidding me

Nope.

The “Meaningless Toaster” gives a speech at the end of each act, and it’s in the script that their whole glass gets emptied at the end of said speech. Hence why it’s usually ginger ale. Apparently last night it wasn’t.

This season I didn’t land the part I had last year, that went to a production cast member instead, but I still wore my bumble bee colours, with my hair swept up and curled into a 40’s style updo that kept it out of my eyes. Instead, I took over the part that had originally been written for my co-librarian, Spartan, who isn’t here this year. What was amusing for me was that the character was “Unenthusiastic Girl” (originally Unenthusiastic Boy, but changed because well…I’m a girl obviously!), the not-so-perky sidekick of “Jimmy Grip, Agent 13”…as such, all the lines I did have did have to be delivered completely flat. Since when have I been unenthusiastic about anything involving a comedy performance? There were more than a few times when it was difficult to keep a straight face.

As the Cruise Director announced blithely at the end of the night

This is a family show ladies and gents, because only family would let us get away with it.

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Blast from the Past – At Sea – [03/29/2015

GlassdeskWhen you work with technology you never really know what to expect. But since the electronic check-out program was introduced to the fleet about three years back the librarians have come to expect a small amount of consistency n at least that element of things. The computer might be a mess when we get there but at least we know what system we’ll be running…

We think…

I’m trying to be prepared, so that I can avoid the seemingly traditional arrive-at-the-ship-start-the-inventory-overhaul that happens to me every contract. So even though this cruise isn’t over, I wrote ahead to my next ship and requested that they send me an extract of their inventory so that I could tweak it before hand and then just upload it when I arrived. And lo, the best laid plans of men and mice…

Hey, we don’t actually have SL, but here’s the log file we use that has all the inventory

Log…file. Excel log file. The Library hasn’t run on an excel log file since 2010; before we fought to get scanners and begged to finally go electronic…before Toffy finally found a program that worked from ship to ship and well…simplified everything. And for whatever reason, my next ship is running on a log file.

Okay, so I think to myself that maybe this isn’t as bad as I remember (as I break out in a cold sweat), so I open the file and the old system stares up at me, with all its glitches and inconsistencies, and things that need to be typed in by hand, with its manual manifest scrub every week…and I think…yes, yes this is just as bad as I remember.

Thankfully the librarian who is over there at the moment managed to download and install the file, but she needs the logsheet updated to actually launch the database…and that ship is now in the same red position we were a few days back.

Right…

So, how fast can I fix a database? One, two, three…go!

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Freedom! – Salalah, Oman – [03/28/2015]

You know that seLove_Hugnse of giddy relief that comes with getting over a migraine? Or an illness of any kind? It feels like a huge amount of weight has been lifted off your shoulders and if you don’t keep yourself firmly tethered to the ground, you might…just might…float away.

Being released from the advanced health protocols we’ve been trapped under for three weeks feels somewhat like that.

I’m one of those people that prefers to be busy. I may grouse about it, I may get very very tired, but I’ll take busy to bored any day. Add to that the fact that I hate not being able to fix a problem and then put my office under lock down for ten days? I was starting to go a little cabin feverish…let’s just say I got a lot of embroidery done to keep from going mental (Amras says that’s an oxymoron, as it implies that I wasn’t already crazy to begin with. Hmph).

We’re not completely out of the woods yet of course, and on my end of things about a quarter of the library is still in quarantine until early-mid April, but at least the gates are open and things are back to operating pretty much normally…well, as normal as things ever are around here!

 

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Drowning – At Sea – [03/27/2015]

AliceThree weeks in heightened health protocol? Is not a fun experience; especially not when they have closed down the library for the last 9 days of it.

I still have to be at the desk of course, I’m the internet girl after all, and the paper puzzles are still being handed out since nothing can be left out for self-service. But the actual library itself – that’s closed. People can peer at the books through the grates, but that’s it. And all books that come back are logged and quarantined for several weeks before they can be returned to circulation anyway, so we’re low on most of the best-selling authors. I can’t start putting anything back on the shelves until we’re out of this.

Needless to say, morale on the ship has plummeted somewhat.

Unfortunately, because I’m still at the desk, a lot of the frustration with regards to the situation of my particular office is directed…at me. I do so dearly wish that people would realize that the decision to suspend the library service was not mine, and while I play a part in reporting the day to day situation to the people in charge, the decision to reopen is not mine either. The books are a major cross-contamination risk, made worse by the fact that we know for certain that people are already loaning books they’ve already checked out back and forth between their friends and tablemates leaving us with at least one hundred titles that are basically unaccounted for and have been who knows where, that can’t be properly quarantined until they are eventually returned which will be who knows when.

I am the last person in the world who would ever want to deny people the printed word. While I have often though that closing the library would be the best way to proceed in similar situations, as it essentially breaks part of the cycle and keeps one of the possible cross-contamination variables to a minimum – I would never have anticipated the closure to be this long. If I could just get people to understand that this was done for their own good – and that we need them to just continue being patient.

This is not exactly fun for any of us…

And unfortunately, patience is getting to be in shorter and shorter supply…

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Arabian Nights – Dubai, UAE – [03-23-2015]

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThere are few tours that are few tours I will actually do twice. Many things are infinitely worth seeing at least once, but don’t necessarily need repetition. However, there are some huge exceptions, the Arabian Nights tour is one of those.

Especially when you’re doing t with people who have never experienced it before.

Um…why are they letting air out of the tires?

So that they don’t sink into the sand..

Oh. My…

Actually, much to my disappointment the 4×4 ride was the only thing about the evening that didn’t quite live up to my expectations. That was, however, completely the fault of the driver – who just wasn’t into it. While everyone else was zipping around doing a good imitation of N.A.S.C.A.R, he plodded along and didn’t even turn on any music (the only thing he turned up was the news…go figure). BUT that doesn’t mean it wasn’t amazing!

Besides, the rest of the evening totally made up for it.

I love this tour. Everything in one. The 4×4 ride is only the smallest part of it, once you get to the tour ‘campsite’ there’s everything from henna art (the one they did on my arm will probably only last a day or two, but it’s still so pretty!) to hookahs (which I didn’t sample this time).

I opted for camel riding instead of sandboarding this time around. Which is how I figured out the hard way that camels? They have really hard skulls. I must have annoyed the silly beast somehow when I was waiting to get on his back, because he swung his head around and cracked it solidly against my hip!

Not that it hurt the camel at all, but I’ll probably have a really good bruise to go with the story!

A fair price to pay for the photo opportunities.

Once twilight fell they served us a very yummy BBQ dinner, for which the crew was granted their own cabana – always a nice perk! During which my dear tablemates made a point of trying to distract me from trying to get anything written down. Seriously, never try and do anything remotely serious when Predator is at your table.

You taking notes on us now?

Oh absolutely Pred, I secretly work for the FBI

FBI? Female Beauru of Investigations? Crimes of Passion Division?

So if this entry goes totally off the rails, it’s Predator’s fault.

After dinner, the highlight of the evening was the belly dancer. Seriously, if I could move even close to the tenth as well as that dancer could move…

And last but not least, once the performances were over and the late were cleared away, they asked us to turn our attention to the dunes behind the stage, where the four camels stood being led over the sand away into the deepening darkness of the desert.

And as for us, we piled back into the 4x4s for the all too quick ride back to the ship.

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He had it Comin’ – At Sea – 03/22/2015

MMI will admit I was worried…because the whole day it didn’t feel like I had a show that night. And rehearsals had gone so fast and so smoothly that it was hard for me to realise that it was performance time.

But when half-hour call hit at 4:30 and I was sitting, cross legged in front of a full length mirror, half-in-costume-half-out with a dressing robe on and an evening gown laid out on the bed behind me…and make up scattered everywhere around me…transforming myself into Katarnia Goodinov…a spoiled yet neglected little valley girl with a chip on her shoulder the size of north dakota…I felt the butterflies launch in my stomach.

And I looked myself in the eyes as I swept the last of the eyeliner across my lids and …

Oh right…there you are. Where’ve you been hiding?

And lo, all was right with the world. And though I wasn’t wearing my character shoes, I felt them slip onto my feet as surely as though they were strapped into place.

Standing outside the speciality dining room where the murder mystery dinner was to take place, I looked at one of my fellow cast members

You’d think, after all this time I would be over the stage fright

Nah sweetie, you never get over it, the day you get over it you lose something, you just learn to look it in the eye and shake its hand…now get in there…

And I strode through the double-glass doors, picked up the microphone, and Katrina took over for the rest of the night. The show is three quarters improv, and no matter how much you rehearse improv you can never quite know what you’re going to say before hand…sometimes things just come out of your mouth and you watch your scene partner have that flicker of “niiiiiiice” that no one else sees.

You learn to totally live for those moments.

This is the fourth season in a row I’ve been cast as the killer. And the second time in this role. I’ve often thought that it’s obvious my character is the killer, she has the only truly solid motive, and yet I still managed to fool most of the tables. There were several shocked looks when security came into pull me out, struggling and screaming defiance, from the dining room. Once the show was over and we all came back to mix and mingle…I was once again surprised by the feedback

Why aren’t you on Broadway? Why don’t you do this for a living? Why didn’t we know??

Because I’m not, because I can’t right now, because there are circumstances that sadly are against me…you don’t know because I don’t talk about it, because sometimes talking about it hurts too damn much. But give me a chance to perform? And you’ll see me…for who I am…for what I am…

Give me the music and the mirror, or the script and the microphone…

And you are giving yourself the chance to see me..

And I get the chance to remind myself that yes – wherever I am, whatever I do…thisthis is who I am. And who I ever shall be.

My days are tied to curtains, they rise and they fall…and like it or not, I am still reborn every night, at half-hour call.

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Fed to the Flames – At Sea – [03/18/2015]

book-burningThis is the ONLY book I’ve ever read in my whole life and you are NOT putting it on that fire! ~ Pleasentville

There’s one aspect of the heightened health protocols that I have always managed to avoid: I will not destroy the contents of the book exchange. I’ve always managed to tell myself that if I just lock the doors and don’t let anyone handle them, they’ll effectively be quarantined. I’ve always just skimmed that…and then one of my co-workers, probably with my best interest at heart – started bugging me about it this morning.

But shouldn’t you….?

And she wouldn’t let it go. She just wouldn’t. And my brain suddenly just frizzled…

And I gave in…

And as I sat there, cross-legged on the floor, stacking batch after batch of tattered, new and everything-in-between paperbacks into a box and watching them be ferried down to the incinerator (I had my team-mate do it, since she was the one who insisted that it be done, and honestly because I couldn’t bear to do it myself), I found that I knew what my Father must have felt like back when he worked at the warehouse. He used to come home joking about how many old text books he’d had to feed to the shredder that day, and as a kid I used to be furious…until Mum finally told me that every time he tore off a cover and threw a book into the shredder, he cried.

Four boxes. Four boxes, overflowing, in every language from English to Dutch…gone. Fed to the flames. My teammate, not being the bibliophile that I am, said casually as we were boxing up the last batch

The guys down at the garbage room were tearing the pages out before I left… ‘cause y’know, makes it easier to burn.

DON’T TELL ME THAT!!!!

Oh..um…sorry…should I tell you they’re kissing every page?

No. Don’t tell me that either. If I have to do this, its better I do it fast like taking off a band-aid.

I feel like a killer…I find myself guilty of libricide

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