“Sometimes I think there is a hole in me. An emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you put my ear to my heart you would probably hear the ocean”
Alaska provides too many opportunities for deep thought, usually when the world is nothing but water and sky and the solo guitarist is playing something Celtic, and I’m trying not to think too much. But sometimes it’s difficult to not think. You try to keep your mind silent and instead it screams and cries and sends too many signals crashing into and over each other so that you don’t know which ones to listen to.
Even in your own mind, it’s difficult to find silence ship-side.
Sometimes it’s the deafening noise in your own mind that simply won’t let you rest…
The days keep going, flowing into one another in an endless stream of dark and light, with bright blinding lit up moments that blaze against the muted pastel of the backdrop, sometimes truly I think that life is only made up of those lit up moments, anything that exists between is simply stitching to hold the rest together. Other times I wonder if those lit up moments exist at all, or if we merely create them – our own personal mees-en-scene to distract us from the ongoing emptiness of the horizon. Sometimes I think it’s a combination of both.
I said early this season that things came in threes, and that both my previous Alaska seasons had brought with them unexpected life-changes…that I was hoping that this time it might be different. But I also planted my feet hip-width apart and told the universe that I was ready for whatever it wanted to throw at me this season…
Let that be a lesson to you – never challenge the universe.
Just like a boxer in a title fight, you’ve got to walk in that ring all alone, you’re not the only one to make mistakes but they’re the only thing that you can truly call your own…