It’s a pity and a sin
She doesn’t quite fit in
Oh she really is a funny girl…
They talk about the sensation of being alone in a crowd. Never has that been more true than when you’re on a ship that has no real place for you.
On most of my contracts I find a place, find a group, even find just one person. On this one, I’ve not been so lucky. The party band here is truly a party band, out to the small hours of the morning and knowing most of the bartenders by name, and I just don’t have that in me anymore – at least not right now. I know the cast, but not well enough to truly be at ease around them, and again, they keep party-girl hours, either because of their rehearsals or because they too are out till the small hours. I understand that, I used to live it, the need to wind down after a performance is very real – but at the end of a normal work day I just don’t have the social drive that I used to when I was walking the boards.
So my company is me, myself, and I.
And a needle and thread, two fleece blankets, and a several seasons of supernatural dramas.
If I sound bitter then I apologize, that’s not how I intended to come across. I’m not bitter. Not at all. I’m just lonely, and I’ve never handled that well.
There are times when it all grinds on me just a bit, the endless loop of the same four ports week after week, the endless run of the same questions over and over again. You get one group of passengers trained and then they leave and you have to start all over again from scratch. I’ve been spoiled, I know I have, by the fact that the passengers who frequent the flagship have been cruising for so long that they can tell us how to do our job. They already know how everything works for the most part, so we just have to step up onto the plate and give them what they know to expect. As much as I love Alaska, I miss being able to relax into knowing that everything is running smoothly all by itself.
And on this ship in particular, I suppose I’m feeling that more than usual. Because there’s not really anyone to share the burden with, not really.
So as usual, I lose myself in the work, or more accurately, in the portals on my shelves.
If you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment with a Kingkiller named Kvothe and a sensitive named Melinda…