We’re late leaving tonight. Very late. My first instinct was that this was due to some problem pulling up the last tender, or some other technical thing, but apparently the tenders are all stowed safely away ready for the journey to Dubrovnik.
When passengers ask me what is causing the delay in departure, I tell them it must be some kind of technical problem, and that I’m sure we’ll be under way shortly. I direct them to the front office, who are bound to have more up to date information than myself since nothing official has come through the intranet about a delay.
But – as is often the case – I know more than I’m saying. Or more than I’m allowed to say.
The reason behind this delay is rumoured to be something much more upsetting than a broken tender or a fouled engine.
The rumour mill – and it’s usually accurate about these kinds of things – says that one of our crewmembers was killed in a kayaking accident ashore this afternoon. It’s a rumour that seems to be confirmed by the appearance of an extra name on the debark list for today, a name that didn’t appear there until 8:30 tonight.
If this is in fact the case – and it’s not been confirmed, nothing’s come through the shipboard intranet, nothing’s been said over the PA, there’s just this ominous silence and a delay of over an hour – but if it is the case well…I don’t honestly know what it might mean. The show must go on of course, we’ll keep going, the cruise can’t simply stop. Unfortunately, we have had people die on the ship before – last world cruise I believe we had at least two passengers leave this world for the next. But very very rarely do we ever lose a crewmember, somehow that’s different…somehow…that’s close to home.
From what little I’ve heard of it, this wasn’t someone I knew personally. I’m still pretty knew to this ship and I’ve gotten to know few people outside of my own department, and from what I’ve heard it was a shoppie that drowned. I do have a few acquaintances in the shops, but the description that was given to me didn’t ring a bell – and I feel badly about that, because I should have known him – I mean I feel like I should have. This fellow is probably someone I passed every day, said hello to in the coffee line, and now he might be gone and I never even knew his name…
You can’t be devastated by a death of someone that you didn’t know the first thing about. At least not on a personal level, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you. We’re a little floating city out here, and because we are such a petri dish, everyone is connected somehow – a death in the crew will affect everyone, whether you knew that person or not. If only because it throws into sharp relief what can – in extreme circumstances – happen out here.
Even paradise has a shadow.
And now, knowing all this, knowing the likely reason behind this delay in leaving, I really wish we’d just get moving…
Addendum:
It is true. I think we all knew that long before the letter stating as much was slipped under every crew door late last night. I knew it when I walked through the onboard shops and found them shuttered and closed during what would normally be opening hours – the only sign indicating anything official being a quickly-printed sheet of letter sized paper stating that ‘the onboard retail will be closed this evening’. There will be a memorial service this morning, and at the moment the whole ship feels…off…like we’ve lost a gear or a cog somewhere and are subsequently running at a bit of a limp.
For my part I don’t really know what to do with it. My sadness doesn’t come from knowing the person in question, it comes from the fact that now I never will. If I were shore-side, this wouldn’t affect me at all, a normal every-day person has left this world, he was neither famous nor infamous, and as such his passing wouldn’t have made the papers and would have made no impact on the lives of anyone who didn’t know him directly. But out here is different, out here this kind of thing makes you start wondering about all the crazy things you’ve done ashore, how lucky you’ve really been to walk away from all that…from all those chances you just take without thinking about them because they just kind of go with the job…
It’s unsettling.