Seriously, why do you DO this to yourself?
People ask me that all the time about performing. Because I always follow the same track with performances; I’ve done so since I first set one tiny tap-shoe clad foot on stage when I was a toddler. Despite the fact that I’ve been training since before I can remember, and performing nearly since I could walk, I’m the most nervous person on the face of the earth when it comes to actually having to put my money where my mouth is. I was discussing this over saki with Amras and Alasse (who is also braving doing a solo in the season-end talent show), and Alasse looked at me and asked why on earth I do this to we do this to ourselves and as I take a breath to respond, it’s Amras who cuts me off and answers for me
Because once you get up there you’re fine…
Exactly. Once I get up there I just plug into the audience and I’m good to go…but the lead up? It’s like walking into an audition WHY do I DO this to myself!? Oh yeah, that’s why…I forgot.
At the moment, we have no idea what the talent show will involve. It seems to have somehow ended up in Amras’ lap, though no one is quite sure how as it was supposed to be the cruise director and the DJ’s baby. We’ve only had a few sign-ups, including Alasse and myself, so we’re not even sure how long it’s going to run, but our CD remains determined to put it together.
We do know it will be non-competitive, which something that effects me neither direction as I wouldn’t be allowed to compete anyway. What they don’t know is if Alasse and I are even going to be able to participate, they’re holding us on standby, which has Alasse feeling better and me keyed up to 11 (do I have the part or not just TELL me)…but I at least did get to do a run through, which is good, because the key change at the end of the chart I’m using is a bear and I didn’t want to try and get up there actually in front of people and do it cold. Especially since I already loused it up once in the run through.
It’s hard for me to find my zone when I’m singing in a small room in front of people I know exceptionally well. Give me an audience of 800 strangers any day. Singing in front of Amras when he’s in actual ‘band leader’ mode? Terrifying…