Every word of every story,
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify…
Okay…where to start….
The last day of the cruise is always a bit chaotic, the last day of a crossing? Well that’s that wonderful kind of chaos that brings with it at least a certain amount of relief because the day goes quickly and the work goes fast and at the end? Hey at least it’s over!
Today though, had an extra element added to it that I honestly didn’t fully expect. I kind of hoped for it, but I didn’t expect it. Y’see, somewhere in the middle of the afternoon my phone rang – since I was half-way across the library with my head in an overstock cupboard I missed the call, but there are only two people who call me and of the two on the final day it’s most likely to be my boss. Therefore, I picked up the phone and called down the office; and was rather surprise when my brother answered.
Hey Sis…
What? What are you doing answering the office phone?
I’m just the only one here…oh! By the way, I have the running order for tonight’s talent showcase.
Unwillingly I feel my heart do that tiny little flip it usually does when I’m waiting to hear back from an audition. The talent showcase has been something of a bone of contention in the department recently, having been cancelled once and rescheduled in three different places, tonight’s set was supposed to cover the last of it. Personally, I’d already been cut from the running order twice in two different contexts, there had been a brief mention of my participating into tonight’s set, but it hadn’t been actually officially decided yet. I tucked the phone more firmly against my shoulder.
And?
Well, we’ve got that shy little pianist opening, then Alasse is doing Dream a Little Dream with the band, then we’ve got two other guests and then you’re doing Testify with the band and then…
And my brain kind of kicks into catch-up mode so I don’t even really hear the rest of the lineup.
Whoa, back up you said ‘with the band’, I only gave you a piano chart big brother…
Yeah, there might be some guitar and bass in there now…
You arranged my chart?
Maybe…it’ll be really light…
I love you big brother…
Love you too Sis…
Those of you who know me even remotely well know that me before a performance is the ultimate state of nerves. It’s been that way ever since I started performing at all, it doesn’t matter at all what I’m performing in it or whether it’s professional or not I lose it. Probably the best thing Amras could have done was to wait as long as he did to tell me, because he knows me well enough to know that if he told me in the middle of the afternoon (and told me fast, like taking off a band-aid) when I was already going to be really busy and distracted I wouldn’t have time to freak out.
This was really very similar to my state of mind on the flagship this past season when I was called up to perform with the cruise director. Except this time, the challenging thing wasn’t that I hadn’t performed the chart live, it wasn’t that I didn’t know the arrangement, it was that these were my boys, I care about this band – I could care less about letting myself down, I’m used to being my own worst critic, but letting them down? Letting my brother down after he put himself on the line to get me up there in the first place? Terrifying concept. Plus, this is just a talent show, it’s been crazy-last-minute-organized and there’s no time for a single rehearsal. I’m professional enough to work without a rehearsal, but still the nerves would have appreciated one.
By the time I got the last of the returns cleared off my desk (200 returns cleared, sorted and restocked in under 45 minutes, thank goddess for my sister-in-law’s help!) I had perhaps 15 minutes to change and attempt to warm up and try not to be sick…and to ask myself yet again why I do this to myself. My roomie took one look at me and shrugged
I know why.
Why then?
Because you love it…
Shaddup…
I then proceeded to spend the next ten minutes sitting with an equally nervous (though hiding it much better damn her French calm) Alasse, sipping at ice water and trying to remind myself precisely WHY I love doing this. Then, miraculously, as it always does, the calm came. It kind of wraps me in a blanket for the duration of the journey to the stage and the first few notes, before the nerves disappear. I suppose you could call it a very specific kind of shock.
For the first time in forever, I wasn’t actually fine the moment I walked on stage. That’s how my nerves usually work, but this time it took me to the first chorus, because I wasn’t sure of the low notes – the speed kicked off slower than I’d intended (which I can’t blame the band for as they’d never even heard the song or seen the chart and, as it turns out, were working from the piano music I’d given Amras so they were actually making the whole thing up on the spot…have I mentioned that my boys are AMAZING? ‘cause they are) which meant I couldn’t bounce off the notes that are technically out of my range – but by the time the intro was over my nerves settled, and then I heard something I didn’t expect…which I called Amras out on afterwards.
He sang with me.
You didn’t warn me you were going to give me back up vocals!
Well you did ask for them
Yeah, but I didn’t know you were actually going to DO it
Neither did I…just worked out that way.
Was. Amazing.
The only time I’ve ever sung with Amras is on the live karaoke nights when he backs me for Mamma Mia, but that’s not exactly the same thing. There is nothing like doing something brand new and knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the people behind you have your back. If I had missed something, if I’d screwed up a cue or missed a key change, that band would follow me. Mostly because my big brother loves me and occasionally spoils me rotten (and he knows that, and I’ve told him so to his face).
All of this reminded me – once again – why it is I do this. Still, after all this time, despite the hell I put myself through every performance, despite the fact that I am always going to be my own worst critic – and sometimes – like this – it’s true that the charge is a little bit less than usual, but it’s always there. It never actually leaves. When I walked down off that stage, despite the fact that I knew it wasn’t my best (but was far from my worst) my feet were a good bit off the metaphorical floor. My best performance? Far from it. One of my most emotionally gratifying? Quite possibly.
All of us were giggling insanely at pretty much nothing and while the room emptied out fast, there were a few of the participants who hung around to thank the band, including one of the teens who had played the drums and apparently had only been on stage maybe once before. The three of us just looked at him, finally Amras told him
You did well; seriously…it’s just a matter of experience man.
To which I threw an arm around Alasse’s shoulders and added
Best drug in the world…and hey, it’s free!
Oh, and then of course there was the participant that could actually play guitar – as in extremely well, and he and Amras were totally engrossed in shop talk for a while, until he noticed me sitting there on a table, swinging my legs like a little kid, and called me over…
Hey Sis! Good job. Yeah, so this is my adopted little sister, who I love very very much and am very proud of right now.
Once the guests had gone, we still had an hour to go before the beginning of the next ‘normal’ set, and with all three of us on post-performance adrenaline (yes, it’s a very real thing), and feeling like we had earned a celebration after all the craziness that went into getting this thing off the ground (trust me, it was an effort on all counts) – we kind of stood around for a few minutes trying to decide where we wanted to go.
Top Deck Lounge?
Honey, we can’t afford the Top Deck
I can…saki’s on me…
Okay then, top deck it is…
Take three performers who are all on post-show adrenaline, who also happen to be family, who haven’t really had much time to really see each other over what has been a very hectic and stressful cruise, put them in the best bar on the ship which happens to be pretty much empty, in the best seats in the house…and there is a very specific kind of madness that will soon take over – even without the addition of alcohol.
Why is it my turn to be gauche tonight?
Because you’re the one who’s glass I overfilled!
You totally did that on purpose!
Did not!
Did too!
Oh and of course there was the inevitable:
By the way Sis, YOU doing a song with God in it? I was going over the lyrics and was like…whoa…*Shaughnessy* is doing this?
What can I say? I do it damn well…
And in the back of my mind all I can hear is the line from A Chorus Line
You bet I’m good! I’m so damn good I can [sing] any way you want me to!
Of course, eventually we did have to make our way back down to the mid-ship lounge for the set – partially because I’d promised my roomie I’d meet her there since it was her last night on board. As it turned out, by the end of the night we were almost the only ones there (well almost, there were two or three guests in the booths at the back who were just listening and not much else), and the three of us were hard pressed to leave the dance floor (when one of us tried, the other two would grab her by the wrist and pull her back – it was that kind of night). This lead to something happening that I had never really seen before, nor do I really think I’ll see it again.
Amras kicked off an upbeat for the last song, and Lark points to the three of us, tells us this one is for us and that we now have to dance…and then proceeds to actually join us on the dance floor. That part wasn’t that unusual, Lark does that frequently to try and get the crowd going.
What was unusual is that the rest of the band followed her. Even Amras came to the edge of the stage, as far as the cord on his bass would allow. The only two people left on the stage were the drummer and the keys player. We literally had the band dancing with us.
And you’d better knock. Knock. Knock on wood.
In case this hasn’t become clear:
From the first note to the last dance to the last slice of probably-too-cold-but-what-the-heck-we’re-starving pizza (as my roomie said ‘just one pizza? For the three of you? When you’re like this? Is that going to be ENOUGH?’) on the back deck…
Really. Good. Night.
Sounds like an astoundingly good time 🙂