Can’t call to mom
Can’t say a word
Yer gonna die screaming but you won’t be heard ~ Buffy “Hush”
Yes, a terrible somewhat disturbing quote I know. What can I say, it’s from Buffy. It’s also apt.
If there’s one sense I value more than almost all the others it’s definitely my voice. I detest being forced into silence, and suddenly silence has swooped in on me – unannounced and definitely unwanted. I’ve had a cold the last few days, but the sore throat that went with it had pretty much completely cleared up – when I was running tendering this morning I my voice was clear as a bell. Then suddenly this afternoon it just…disappeared. I can force it to kind of work (though it doesn’t sound pretty) but that’s horrible for my vocal chords and I refuse to damage them, so the only thing I can manage is a very airy whisper. I can barely make myself heard, but anything above that is just not worth it.
The funny thing is there’s absolutely no pain, it doesn’t hurt to swallow, my throat isn’t raspy, in fact I feel perfectly fine my voice is just…gone. As if someone has reached in and stolen it.
Now I don’t mind not being able to talk – though it does make doing my job difficult (though the sign I have up at my desk stating “the Librarian has mislaid her voice, please excuse her silence” does probably help a bit) – but the thing is, this isn’t just my talking voice.
I can’t sing.
At all.
As in not even a note, not even a hum. Nothing. When I say silence, I mean completely silence.
I FEEL LIKE I’M TRAPPED IN MY OWN BRAIN!!!!
Please voice, please please come back, I’ve always tried to treat you well, please don’t abandon me now…
Addendum: Dinner was kind of funny, because I really can’t speak more than a whisper (and shouldn’t even be doing that because whispering still strains your vocal cords) – I was writing everything down and the co-worker I was eating with was responding normally to whatever I wrote.
This can go down on the list of ‘strange conversations I have had”
Yes she says yes it can.