Judgement from the Deep – At Sea – [04/11/2014]

It is up to the ship’s staff to decide, shall they be dunked? Or shall they survive?

It’s that time of year again…

Unlike last season when the heavens opened up and poured and forced us to close the dome of the mid-ship deck (which really did put a damper on the festivities) King Neptune’s visit to our humble vessel this season was blessed with blue skies and blazing sunshine…enabling all of us to be quite comfortable in our doctor’s scrubs and mermaid scales (Well only one person was wearing mermaid scales, and it definitely wasn’t me! The part of the mermaid Queen went to one of my other teammates and she was welcome to it! I’ll take my doctor’s scrubs any day!)

Gathering in the upstairs lounge before the ceremony began we stood by and watched as all the hapless pollywogs were hitched by the wrist (loosely don’t worry) to the long length of rope by which they would be dragged to their slimy sticky end, and the “Pirate King” (otherwise known as our DJ) came on the mic and announced the one very important rule:

Pollywogs! Remember THIS IS A ONE WAY FIGHT! Whatever they do to you, you LIE THERE and you TAKE IT. Got that? No fighting back! Oh and Pirates? Show NO MERCY!

The Pollywogs all respond with a slightly nervous murmur of laughter. Some of them know what’s coming, some don’t, some know half. The two Entertainment Team members who are being sacrificed knew what was waiting for them, one of them is the daughter of a Navy officer (and we have it so easy compared to what the Navy puts you through for the ceremony!) the other had seen pictures from previous crossings (thanks to Facebook I imagine!) but none the less, they played along. Good sports, one and all.

The medics led off the procession, clambering barefoot onto the shallow platform surrounding the pool to take our places behind the tables, then the Pollywogs were dragged in and thrown bodily into the cage constructed on the far side of the deck. Once the cage door was secured, the pirates reached behind the beverage counter and pulled out ice buckets of cold water which they then proceeded to douse the sacrifices with relentlessly (“be sure they are cleansed before they are sacrificed!”)…then at long last King Neptune and his Queen took their places, followed by the Captain, Hotel Director and the rest of the ship’s senior staff who would preside in judgement over the proceedings.

And of course our ever faithful and long suffering “cleaning lady” Jersey (a creation of our Travel Guide that somehow manages to make more hilarious every season) who sat to one side with her mop, apron and a cigarette dangling from her red-smeared mouth, ready to slop down the tables if they got too well…clean.

One by one the victims came before us, and one by one the call went out: LET ‘EM BAKE!!!! NO!! HIT THE DRINK!!!!

And the pool got murkier, and murkier….

At one point the judges couldn’t decide on a particular set of pollywogs’ fates (literally voted half and half, one thumb up one thumb down)…

Let the Medics decide!!!

*SHOVE* *SPLASH*

When the two Entertainment Team members hit the tables you couldn’t see the bottom off the pool, our YPC did a belly slide down the tables (which at that point we had shoved together since there were only two Pollywogs per department instead of four) and we proceeded to upend the last dregs from the slime barrels on top of her before she dived into the murky depths.

The sacrifices finished, the medics all looked at each other from our opposite sides of the pool and me and the other pink-scrub clad nurse held up three fingers for the countdown

ONE! TWO! THREE!

And jumped in before the pirates could shove us in.

Though the pirates took the plunge themselves only a few minutes later, make-up, curled hair and all.

So with the great ruler of the deep once more satisified, and the vile pollywogs successfully transformed into trusty shellbacks, our fair vessel was once again granted the seaweed pass for safe passage back to civilization.

All hail His Majesty, may he always grant us fair winds and following seas…