Riding the Roller-coaster into 2015 – Victoria – [12/31/2014]

So long 2014, it’s been a slice.

I always try not to look at the bad parts of a year, every year has its highlights and lowlights after all, and its’ not the year’s fault what happened in it; or what choices we made in those 365 days. That’s all on us, for the most part.

2014 has treated me neither better nor worse than any other set of 525,600 minutes. That’s not to say it wasn’t a roller coaster. It was, and it was far from always easy. It contained one of the most stressful contracts of my career, a huge job re-definition, the loss of a manager I’d had for nearly my whole time at sea – all of which led to a series of deep thinking sessions on my future that I still haven’t fully embraced the ramifications of (don’t worry, the sea isn’t giving me up yet, that much is certain for quite some time). 2014 taught me that love can blossom in the strangest places, out of the strangest situations, and that if you don’t face that oncoming storm (because yes, it is a storm sometimes), head on then it’s probably just going to sweep you off your feet anyway so you might as well just grab a parachute and ride the thermal currents.

I lost friends, I gained friends, I reconnected with friends I thought I’d lost. I read too many books, published one, drafted another. I broke at least one pair of shoes, I discovered that 20+ years as a dancer finally caught up with my feet and that I’m now going to be able to tell you when it’s going to rain as a result.

For the first time in several years I’m not on show tonight, I’m not dancing the night away with elderly Prince Charming’s in a ballroom that will be gone like magic the very next day. I’m at home, where I can’t help but feel that I belong after the rollercoaster that has been this year. I’m taking quiet joy in pressing my own personal “reset” button (in some things), and welcoming in the new year quietly – like an old friend that I just haven’t met yet.

As I said to Amras when he called me in the wee hours of this morning (which were the evening hours leading into the New Year’s dance for him due to the crazy time difference between us at the moment…and the fact that he would be playing at midnight): the New Year is a road none of us can see the end of, we don’t know what it will bring or where it will lead. It’s a train without a destination and a million drivers influenced by a million difference second chances every day. Life is, indeed, a poker game where the dealer simply smiles all the time.

But that doesn’t make it scary, it at times makes it terrifying, exhilarating, light-hearted, mysterious, depressing, intoxicating…and all kinds of other things.

2014 brought me wonder, and terror, and pain, and joy and a fair few tears made up of everything combined. As always, I let it go with love and admiration and a sense of at least attempting to forgive myself for the things I didn’t get quite right…and a sense of giving the world another chance for the things it didn’t get quite right.

Step right up ladies and gentleman, 2015 promises to be just as crazy…

Be safe, be happy, be kind (to yourself and others), but mostly? We’ve all paid for our tickets to this carnival…sit back, relax…and enjoy the ride.