Standing on the edge of tomorrow
I see the sky is clear
Gonna build a bridge to the future
Into a new frontier
You know we got a lot to live for
Got so much that we can share
And there’s a place for ev’rybody
So come along I’ll take you there
~ Spirit of A Nation, 1998
We are told not to look back. Ridiculous, human beings are meant to look back, that’s why we have that swivel joint in the base of our necks ~ Stephen King
It’s an odd thing, being on the threshold of something. I am acutely aware that I’m leaving something behind, and that it’s something that’s precious – or that at one time was precious. At the same time that I’m looking forward, I can’t help but indulge in a bit of looking back; I suppose that’s human nature after all.
When I first started this job it never occurred to me that it would be permanent, then a few years in it never occurred to me that it would be temporary, it certainly never occurred to me that it would change as much as it has.
I am proud of what I’ve built for the library in the last five years. I’m proud of what I’ve given to the job; as I’ve said before, I gave this everything I had. Sometimes I even gave it more than everything I had; which may have in turn led to some problems in the long run. But there’s nothing I regret; and I’m moving on from this job in a very good place.
But it feels…very strange. Knowing that this is the last library I will work in, at least for the foreseeable future. All of my daily routines, all my expectations, everything I’ve known for my whole time at sea is about to change. I’m about to leave behind a comfortable world of paper and ink for a sterile classroom of computers; and I’ll be good at it, and I have a feeling that it will be good for me, but leaving my books…leaving my books is heartwrenching. Working here has been hard, but I have been perpetually surrounded by my favoured escape method.
As the last few weeks of this contract (because my transfer does come under a separate contract, new paperwork and everything), wind to a close, I’m suddenly realizing that is a cruise of lasts….last book club, last inventory overhaul, last of a lot of things. Contract of lasts leading into a contract of firsts…
If I am honest with myself I’ll admit that I’m somewhat …terrified is the wrong word, it’s far too strong, but scared might be a good one. I know I can do this, I know that logically I will be good at it. If there’s one thing that life has taught me it’s that you have to forge your own path, something that will make you happy or at least content, and then build on that foundation.