Oh well, it was swell while it lasted…
We did have fun…and hey, no harm done
And strictly entre nous, darling how are you?
And how are all the little dreams that never did come true?
Awfully glad I met you, cheerio and toodle-loo
And …thank you so much
Earlier this week, a symbol of someone I had been passed forever out of my life. That sounds dramatic, but it’s not meant to be, it’s just the truth. The symbol in question didn’t belong to me, not even in the slightest bit, I was just still attached to it in a vaguely distant way. I may or may not have shed a tear when I found out it was gone…
But not the kind of tears you might have expected…
I no longer mourn what was. What was, well, it wasn’t meant to be, whatever the circumstance, for whatever the reason. My heart doesn’t jump at the memories anymore, and they no longer cut…I have finally reached that point, where I can look at what I was, at who I was, at who we were (whomever the we may be), and appreciate the warmth of it, the right of it, even if it was only for a little while. I shed a tear for the memories that that symbol came with, for the fact that I would never be able to go back to that time in my life, that that was it, it was really over, I really had gone and grown up. But then I wonder if I would really want to. It was more that it brought back good things, brought back smiles, and I missed them…but no, they were not sad tears. Not anymore.
Things change, people change. Heaven knows I changed. Clinging to symbols does nothing; it was a very dear friend who taught me that…
I have finally come to a point in my life where my feet are stable on the balance board, and I could look out at the world and say “no, this is who I am, this is what I want, and if you do not want the same things as me, and are not content with who I am…well then, thanks but no thanks.”
If I had never been through those times in my life that broke my heart, my heart would not have become strong…I would not have gained the friends that have no stayed with me for years, no matter how distant we have become, I would not be me.
So too all of my ghosts, past and present…thanks, for reminding me…of everything, of all of it…thanks for the memories…
Thanks, for helping me become me…