I will always think that if mankind were meant to fly, the Lady would have granted us wings. However, since that is not possible, and since walking from Amsterdam to home isn’t precisely an option, I once again boarded a plane this morning to long haul across Europe.
The big big difference this time, was that I wasn’t doing it alone. Amras and I boarded the same flight from Amsterdam, and bless his heart he made sure we upgraded to comfort seats. Extra leg room, better entertainment, even the food was better. And because there were only two of us to a row, I didn’t have to get squished. And, because it was him next to me, I could stretch out and squirm about as much as I needed to. Which, given the amount of walking we had done the day before, was definitely necessary. 9 hours goes a lot faster if the person next to you knows that flying is not easy for you, it’s true that no one can truly understand a fear if they do not share it, but if there is at least understanding, it helps. A lot.
9 hours in the air, and I didn’t even lose it at landing, or once during the travel time. I nodded off once in a while, enjoyed the complimentary cocktails, and watched at least four movies. Oh, and challenged Amras at round after round of hidden object games. Seems that’s the only type of game that I’m actually able to beat him at once in a while!
And then there was the deplaning…
Few people understand how truly terrified I am of flying, I hate it, not because I’m afraid of crashing – I’m not at all – but because that many people in a space I can’t get out of throws my mind into a panic, if I think about it too much I will actually start to hyperventilate. The panic inside me wells up like some kind of beast, with nasty sharp claws that like to clench around my throat and stop my breathing. Hence, when the deplaning process starts, and everyone stands up in the aisles even though everyone knows that for at least ten minutes no one will move…. I am liable to take the head off of anyone who breaks my very careful zen-like concentration (something which Amras found out the hard way I’m afraid…so not proud of that moment)…for anyone who ever flies with me, I apologize deeply for the fact that I am an utter stress-ball brat within for the ten minutes between the plane landing and getting myself through customs. The bratiness comes from the fear, which I am learning slowly to control…but it takes time.
So for now, I just pull the pieces of myself together and remind myself that hey, this was DEFINTELY the best, most fun, flight I have had in a long time, that I laughed more in those 9 hours than I ever have on a plane..
And that after 7…very long…months. I am on my way home.