Through the Fire – At Sea – [04-25-2017]

I just got out of bed and sneaked downstairs at 1:10 in the morning…to rescue paperbacks from the recycle bin….

How typical of me…

You can take the girl out of the library, but you can’t take the librarian out of the girl…

Why, you might ask was I seized by this strange urge at this foolishly late/early hour?

You see,  earlier this evening I found myself once again working in the library; when my – not too popular because she’s been on edge lately – manager and myself and a few other team members were tidying the area in preparation for a corporate visit tomorrow morning. , said manager made the mistake of confessing to me that she had resorted to throwing the paperbacks in the recycling rather than putting them in the exchange where they belong. I winced, and looked at the book she was holding, not near mint by any case, but still in good enough condition that it would be able to be sold at a second hand shop.

I had already dealt with at least one guest insisting that one of my team members had told him that he could help himself to the collection to keep. Which I confirmed was not a stated policy anywhere as the collection needs to remain active until the library is officially dismantled – which has not happened yet. I had already had to deal with the shelves being a mess because there’s no one to properly look after them anymore, and with the fact that the gates no longer lowered so there was no way to protect the collection overnight so tidying it was like painting the Brooklyn bridge, and with the fact that I was twitching from looking at the cupboards I had once so carefully organized and labelled and sorted being shoved full in such a way that said louder than words that the person dealing with them didn’t care about the contents and had no way of knowing how to best use the all-too-scarce-storage space. In short, I was dealing with the fact that I miss my books. That there is a reason I stay away from that room, because although by the end the job was hard, and I was miserable, the books were good to me, and I care about them.

So…when faced with the statement: “I’ve resorted to just tossing them if they don’t fit”…I just looked at her.

That look. Those who know me, know that look.

I know, I knew you wouldn’t approve. But… they’ll get recycled, and that will make lots of trees happy

I just looked at her again, or perhaps still.

No they won’t, they’ll get burned, that’s what they do onboard when they get trashed books, they tear them up and burn them

And she just shrugged and looked guilty, but didn’t change her mind. The books stayed where they were.

Unable to do much about it,  I let it slide, because the whole team has been stressed lately, and she’s in a horrid mood and – for various reasons – so was I (mostly because I found out this evening that I stand to be stuck on the ship for another week due to a scheduling mix up) – and I went out about the rest of my night, which mostly consisted of helping the team fold brochures until 11:30 at night (I volunteered for that).

And then I couldn’t sleep…at all

I should have done something….I should have done something…I should have saved them…

I had to, I had to get up. The housekeepers who were setting up in the library for immigration looked at me sideways, but the chances that they’ll have any recollection of who I am – let alone enough to report that I was out after curfew (crew is supposed to be out of public areas by 1am unless we’re on duty)  – is pretty much zilch. It took me about five minutes. There were at least twenty books in that bin, and only one of them was in bad condition.

As I zipped back up to my room I realized why it was so important to me, and not just because it’s books. First off, this is not a time in the world where books should be something we destroy, not even fictional ones, perhaps especially not fictional ones, and secondly: after that time on the flagship when I was forced to burn my entire paperback exchange, I think I must have made some kind of subconscious promise to myself that I would never let another book burn. Not on my watch.

This was my watch.