Crossing the River ….to 36 – Victoria, BC – [10/05/2018]

When I grow up, I’ll be stable
When I grow up I’ll turn the tables
When I grow up..
When I grow up…

~ Garbage~

Or

Even though I know the river is wide
I go down every evening and I stand at the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I’ve been looking for
~ Billy Joel

I’m coming to the conclusion that no one ever ‘grows up’, there is no end goal, there’s no time in your life when you can sit down and go “okay, I’m adult now,…mission accomplished”. That’s not how this works. Whoever said that life is about the journey had it beyond right.

It’s about the journey. It’s about the steps you make, the choices you choose, and the paths you walk. And if you don’t enjoy that journey – or at least parts of it, I don’t know that you have many people to blame but yourself.

35…started out difficult. Continued challenging and ended…fascinating. My life is still nowhere what I expected it to be. I’m still dealing with that. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not really very happy with the life that I have ended up with.

This year, I saw things I never thought I would, met a whole batch of fascinating new people. I started a new hobby that – much as I don’t pursue it as passionately as I would like – I really truly love. I opened up a bit more and started to distrust a little less. I got weaker, I got stronger. I stuck to my plans, I held to my deadlines. I learned just how important it is to be true to myself.  I reminded myself that I can make my own choices and share my own decisions, but that no one else can make them for me.

I walked the great wall and meditated with dragons in caves in Japan. And I bought happy meals purely because I wanted the toy. I walked down Main Street USA in Japan, Hong Kong and Florida…and dragged the man I love giggling into the twisting turns of Diagon Alley. I even was treated to seeing Dorothy fly over the rainbow in…of all places…Australia.

…and somehow ended up with this really pretty sparkly thing on my left ring finger. I still don’t know exactly how that happened (I’m half convinced that Amras is crazy). I don’t know how any of it happened.

There have been downsides too, every year has downsides. Some of them have been minor, some major enough to plow me over. But I guess the point is that I always get back up. That’s really the trick isn’t it? Keep getting back up.

I may not know what I’m looking for. But I know what I’ve found. And what I’ve found is much more valuable than almost anything else on earth. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop looking, because that’s what life is about right? Always searching for the next story.

So, here’s to 35, and all the lessons, adventures and craziness it brought…and welcome to 36…

Welcome to the next chapter…and oh the places we’ll go.