Oh my god oh my god you guys!
Granted not a complete surprise
But if there ever was a perfect couple
This one qualifies!!
‘Cause we love you guys
And now I’ve found my love
(My God)
I’ve found my way to love
(You Guys!)
I’ve finally found my prize!
I would love to say that there is an odd sense of calm that has come over me on this last morning as a single woman, that I am one of those perfectly calm and collected brides that has everything together. But that would be lying. I nearly had to talk myself out of bed this morning, and ultimately my Mum came up and sat on the edge of the bed next to me and reminded me that this is a choice, and that if I really wanted or needed to, I could choose to say no…even now.
And I found myself saying that no, this isn’t doubt, it isn’t cold feet, I’m not unsure…this is just…this is the biggest thing I have ever done.
And people laugh at that and they say that it’s crazy because hey, I’ve travelled the world, I moved to England alone to follow a crazy dream, I’ve ridden elephants and technically speaking I’ve even performed on a west end stage…
Surely all of that is bigger than a little tiny thing like a wedding…right?
No.
You see, all those things really just effected me – though granted England effected my family – they were all my independent decisions, they tied me to no one, and my decision whether or not to go through with them did not change the course of anyone’s life except mine.
What’s happening this afternoon? This is the ultimate show. This one is forever, this one…changes everything. So no, I’m not in doubt, but I am nervous…gut-wrenchingly, horribly nervous…I have butterflies in my stomach that are the size of tetradactylies. I am going from something I adore to something I adore…I am adding a whole new entry to the “list of things that could be said to make up who I am” and that is bigger than any measly elephant.
So no, there is no calm. There are moments of calm, followed by moments of insane excitement…followed by hurricanes of tears and feeling like I just want to build a pillow fort and hide inside of it…
But the sun is shining, the bridesmaids are on call, and in a few hours my hair and make-up team will be knocking on the door (like hell I’m doing my own make up for this opening night)…and about the only thing I have to do myself is fasten on my earrings, slip a silver sixpence into my left shoe…and maybe see if I can make a veil for AJ…
For I really am about to marry in June….