Okay, I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking yet. I’m not finished becoming… whoever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I’m ready, I’m cookies.
~ Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Two cruises left? Wha….?
Good lord how did the Alaska season go so blessedly fast? And what on earth happened to August? I blinked…that’s what happened.
Let’s see, what has this Alaska season taught me, because it’s true, Alaska always “gives” me something.
In this case? I think I’d have to say self-confidence, mostly in my ablity to do my job despite the fact that it doesn’t always like me. This was supposed ot be a simple, straight forward fill contract, and yet it’s turned out to be one of the more high pressure runs I’ve experienced behind the scenes. Lots of spinning plates in the air and not always really sure where they’re going to land.
Not to mention that our shore-side tech department seems to have gone from “totally hands off” to “check in with you every other day”? Careful what you wish for I suppose.
This contract I have aquired two Funko Pop figurines (Hermoine Granger and Carmen San Diego), and five books (only one new), two dollar store Supernatural posters and a pair of Wonder Woman chuck taylor high tops. And I learned how to clean the toe caps on chuck taylor high tops. I’ve been seasick ones and had about three migraines. I’ve listened to four audiobooks, and not taken nearly as many photographs as I intended except for the ones I got of the glacier which turned out so well that I didn’t take anymore for the rest of the season.
I’ve reprogrammed 25 machines two times over and rewatched 11 ½ seasons worth of sci-fi tv. I’ve learned four new courses and relearned all the old ones and am still having difficulty remembering all the new names. I’ve locked myself out of my room three times, and ordered more room service than I can remember.
I’ve drunk probably way more over-priced coffee than is good for me. And stared at more computer screens than some people probably do in a year.
And I’ve spent way too much on overage charges for my cell phone.
Typical stuff…all of it.
But what Alaska has really given me this season? Is a reinstatement on the importance of communication. In the end, you are the only one that runs your own life – even if you’re on the journey with fellow travellers – you’re still the only one that makes your own choices. You choose what you focus on, what you wlil or will not accept, and whether or not to acknowledge the consequences of those choices.
If you go to a party and spend the whole time focusing on the couple breaking up in the corner you will come home miserable. If you turn your attention to the other corner of the same party where people are having a fantastic time, you will come home feeling better about life. Emotions are contangious. Joy can spread as easily as fear. Neither is less real or less important than the other.
You can be empathetic to someone’s problems while not being a dormat, you can be assertive without being horror. It is okay to stand up and state when you think that something isn’t fair or isn’t right, and it’s okay to explain why you think such a thing and suggest what can be done to fix it.
It’s okay to be angry or disappointed, and it’s okay to give yourself permission to move on from that. Or not. Or not yet. That’s a choice too, though not as happy of one perhaps.
It’s okay to have no idea what you’re doing in life, and okay to want to change where you are, even if you can’t do that right away. It’s okay to not know exactly where you want to go.
It’s okay to acknowledge that even as a supposed adult you don’t have it all together.
Because you know what? No one ever does.
It’s okay to fight with the ones you love, it’s okay to disagree, it’s okay to just not get them sometimes, and it’s okay make up with them on your own terms. All of your own terms.
Because no one ever approaches life the same way and what bugs the heck out of one person may not resonate even the slightest bit with the next.
It’s okay to miss your cat and your partner and your home and still be relieved that you have a job evne if it takes you away from those things.
It’s okay…Alaska reminds me…it’s all okay…
And you know what? If it isn’t…well then it’s not the end.