And then everybody laughed again
And then I went to bed…
Looking through my bedroom window out into the moonlight and the unending smoke covered snow
I could see the lights of all the other houses on our hill and hear the music rising from them up the long steadily falling night.
I turned the gas down. I got into bed
I said some words to the close and holy darkness…And then I slept.
It wasn’t a “normal” Christmas…in some ways. Nothing about this year has been “normal”, in some ways, the day felt a little unusual and a little strained around the edges at times – as though the knowledge of what was happening in the outside world was trying to get in through the cracks…but that’s to be expected. In some ways…I’ll admit it felt like any other weekend.
And yet…
Despite that. Despite everything, that has been happening to everyone, not just to my little family but to everyone…today was one of the happiest Christmases I’ve had…for a very long time.
Freed of expectations and robbed of the pressure we put upon ourselves to be a picture perfect Christmas card, setting aside the glitter and the sparkly wrapping paper and so many other things that just aren’t an option this year….I found that we were left with…ourselves. And that’s a good and beautiful thing. Just me, and the three people in the world that mean the most in the world to me. And small gifts from the heart instead of large ones from the pocket book, and laughter and good conversation and…love. So much love. Under all the pain and the drama of this year, there is a foundation of love that continues to grow stronger despite everything moving against it.
And isn’t that what Christmas is supposed to be about in the first place? Isn’t it really?
It’s about the little things. The smile on my mother’s face when she finally opened the present we’d actually had for her for nearly half a year. The joy on Amras’ face when looking at a vintage Christmas ornament. My Dad’s laughter that’s sometimes too rare these days. The perfect taste of log roll and the smell of a freshly laid fire.
It’s not about the things you can wrap up.
It’s never been about the things you can wrap up.
Walking hand in hand with Amras in the scattered rain this evening (once again my quiet hopes for a white Christmas have been dashed), with my fingers wrapped in new gloves and the streets nearly empty…my heart felt lighter than it has in months.
In a few days, reality will return to my little corner of the world; there will be more lawyer appointments and work days and general craziness…but for today? For right now? For now…everything is good again.
I wish all of you, and yours, a dear and happy holiday season. A joyful Christmas and the happiest of new years. You deserve it, we all do.
And remember, sometimes the ‘Dolly in the Corner’ is not a present at all. Sometimes it’s the people around you – physically, spiritually or virtually, and the joy those people and those memories can bring.
And with that…I say my words to the close and holy darkness….and I sleep
Merry Christmas everyone
Bright Blessings
Shaughnessy