Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m tired of playing by the rules of someone else’s game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes…and leap
~ Wicked: The Musical
Another turn on the rollercoaster in what appears to be a very up and down year…but this turn is well…it’s definitely turned out to be a good one.
Most of you know that for years now I’ve been working the same retail job in between contracts. I’ve actually been with the same store on and off for well over a decade. It has been an ongoing part of my life for…well what feels like forever; starting just when I was entering university. I had been with them through two owners, two locations and countless staff changes. Me and my father were what I came to think of as “the originals”…I didn’t really think that I would ever not, in some sense, be at that cash desk.
But when I returned from my stint as one of the ‘stranded crew’, something had…changed in me. It wasn’t the job that had changed, or the people, it was…most definitely…me. The odd pressure that comes with retail put me on edge more often than it used to, I couldn’t handle the crowds or the up and down tension levels or (and this is the strange one) the noise. All in an instant the “fall back” dayjob I had always always had, that had never – when the chips were really down – failed to be good to me and had always been there to pick me up and welcome me back…wasn’t good for me anymore. I was coming home sore and mentally exhausted and I simply…wasn’t myself.
With a lot of outside pressures in my life that I can’t currently control, and with my job at the cruise line and still sharp-edged memory, I had to face up to the fact that this was something in my life I could change. So, with equal parts regret and – eventually – relief, I started casting around for another position. Something I could stick with and learn from. Something that was more…in my current headspace.
And at first, for weeks, I found nothing. To be fair, I wasn’t looking that hard. More just casting around in the hope that something would pop up.
Then, quite out of the blue apparently, something did! And despite the fact that I was absolutely terrified – because this was a very big change at the end of a very long list of big changes – I went for it.
Which is how – yesterday – I found myself holding a squirming 9 week old puppy, who was quite intent on licking my nose; while getting her checked in with the vet for her afternoon check-up.
Yup, I’m now working the reception desk at a vet clinic. And I am loving every minute of it. Admin work and working with animals? Yes please!
I’m not saying that everything is suddenly all sunshine and roses…but things are finally starting to feel much much better. And I can see a small amount of glimmering light at the end of a very long tunnel.