Baby found that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
And the different sort of love she thought she’d found
There was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can’t be broken…’cause you see
She had the finest teacher, that was me…
And I told her
Don’t cry out loud…
There has been a lot of emotional stress running through the department right now, a lot of bruised hearts, some battered, some broken, some just strained from too many hours of separation from those we care about. For my part, two of my very closest friends – the two I consider family in all but blood – are on ships themselves right now, when I do hear from them its rarely and usually not all that much in the way of detail. One I’ve not heard from in a month.
At any rate, with all of the widespread emotional rollercoasters that have been going on, when Stryker invited me to sing for the Cast n’ Crew Review in the piano bar, I only had to think briefly about what I was going to use. At the time, I didn’t know that I was only going to have time for one number – because work prevented me from attending the whole show – but I knew what was first on my list. I sat with the rest of the performers in the tiny booth behind the piano enclosure, waiting to see who would be called next (there wasn’t a set program), and when it was my turn, I gave the title to Stryker, and he looked askance at me for a second – having fully expected my signature Cabaret,
You need the words?
Nah, I got it
And I settled myself on the stool, and looked out at a much bigger sea of faces than was normally in the piano bar. Normally it’s me, Stryker , and maybe fifteen or twenty people, we all know each other. But this show had been prepped and promoted for nearly the whole voyage, and – as it turned out – it had also been announced after the main stage show. Something none of us knew until the time came. I suspect they were worried that had they told us before hand, we would have gotten cold feet. The place was packed. It was the first time in a long time it had been just me, a microphone, and an audience that substantial.
For everyone in that room that had ever suffered a bruised, battered, or broken heart, and even for those of them who had done the breaking themselves, I took a deep breath, and eased into Don’t Cry Out Loud.
The last time I sang the song for a proper audience of any kind (not counting the time I sang it in the piano bar last week when I still had a cold and there were only five people there), was when I sang it in front of the judging panel to be considered for placement on Canadian Idol. That time, I was too nervous, and the atmosphere was too negative to accomplish anything with it. This time, with my friends in the booth behind me and a sympathetic audience in front of me, was totally different.
After the show was finished, I had two conversations that I will probably remember for a while. One was from one of the cast members, who came to the edge of the stage and said
You sounded amazing, I love hearing you sing, you never ever cease to surprise everyone.
And, on a more comical note, one was from my co-team member, who came up and looked at me, and blinked for a few seconds and then said
I totally thought you were going to be this…high…airy…
Soprano? Yeah…I get that a lot…hey Campbell!
Yeah?
Sam thought I was going to be a top-sop
Oh yeah, everyone thinks that about Shaughnessy, you expect her to be this little mouse and she comes out with a belt…
One of these days I really am going to do ‘Think of Me’ just because everyone expects it.
But neither of those are really the things that stick with me. The thing that sticks with me, is looking out into the audience at one point, and seeing our very oldest patron, the de-facto leader of our entire passenger group, who is stubborn and hardheaded and won’t hesitate to give anyone from the captain on down several pieces of her mind – looking at me, with this…expression that I can’t even describe. And she looked at me, and never said a word, but just smiled…and nodded…
And it felt for all the world like I was singing to my Gran…