R.E.S.P.E.C.T – Stavenger, Norway – [06/14/2016]

October-30-2012-02-36-30-iRespect is not a great deal to ask for. Out here we all live in a compact environment, over the years I have become adjusted to the strange hours, the fact that the ship never truly sleeps, and to the fact that I have neighbours who will often have a different schedule than myself. For the most part, we have all been respectful of each other.

Except, apparently, this ship, this contract, where I am the one lone girl who doesn’t like to party in a department full of people who think there is no other way to live than on late nights and caffeine and who shut down the Officer’s Bar nearly every other night.

Night’s when there’s a party (which is almost every night) I can’t get to sleep early because people are making so much noise getting ready for said party – last night it was nearly 1am before everyone finally left the hallway for the bar. Then, if I’m lucky, I have about two hours before they all come back having shut down the bar, and either start bidding each other farewell directly outside my door, or simply continue the party in the corridor. With absolutely no care to the fact that it’s four am by the time they finally quiet down and go to bed. And I have at that point gotten perhaps two or three hours of rest…it takes at least a half hour for me to get back to sleep, and I wake up for my first class on a port day at 7:45.

As a result, I am sluggish, irritable and running on coffee.

Security has been called, it will make a difference for about ten minutes and then they start up again. Management has been informed, meetings have been held, they are laughed off until the next time. These people, this particular group, just doesn’t care that there are a few of us who have lifestyles that do not fit their own, and that we deserve just as much respect for that.

I should be able to sleep just like anyone else.

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Sleepy-Time – At Sea – [06/12/2016]

12742501_1072815176101886_8086518206881633010_nThe closer to the end of a contract I get, the more sleep seems to avoid me. When I started on this ship I was up early enough to go to breakfast in the mornings, now…well, I have a routine, and it still involves breakfast, just a little later than I would perhaps like.

I am ready to go home.

However, it is a relieving change to find that while I am ready to go home, I’m not desperate to go home. Previous to this, at this point in the contract, I would be almost to the point of counting hours. Now, time continues to trot merrily along. It’s not dragging, nor is it speeding, just moving along at a quite normal bearable pace. I still wake up in the morning mostly looking forward to going to work – although last cruise the numbers were so low that I’ll admit it did get a bit frustrating, less because of working and more because I couldn’t really work (it’s hard to give a class to just one person).

This is our last week in the fairyland that is Norway. After this we’ll leave waterfalls and trolls behind and head up to the chilly beauty that is Iceland. I’m more than a bit excited about that, since I’ve never seen Iceland, and also we’ll be stopping in Scotland along the way, and that has been on my bucket list for a while. Sadly, I’ll miss seeing Itzy by a few days, which is a shame, but can’t be helped; timing is what it is and all.

I’m amazed at how quickly this contract has gone, or at least how quickly the last few months of it has gone. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have a contract fly…it hasn’t really felt this way since perhaps my second year on the fleet.

Still…definitely a good change.

Now, if only the gremlins would let me get some sleep!

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Why? – At Sea – [06/13/2016]

CkxfYZIVEAAKFkVOrlando…what is there left to say about Orlando? In the coming days, we will hear everything all over again, the same arguments, the same outrage, the same speeches, but only we – as a world – can make this kind of thing stop. The secret is not more guns and more blood, the secret is more understanding, more acceptance, and less of turning a blind eye because it “doesn’t affect you”. Newsflash: it affects everyone.

When I first saw the news, I admit I didn’t think a great deal about it, my own life went on around me, I moved through my own petty daily battles, and then…hours later…that knowledge slammed into me. Have we become so used to this kind of thing happening that it no longer even makes an immediate impact? The thought terrifies me…but it also terrifies me that it may be true.

So there is something that I remind myself of: everyone belongs to someone. It may not be your relative that perishes at the hands of someone else’s believes, it may not be your child who suffers from the insistence that guns will solve all problems. But it is someone’s child. We live in a free world, we are blessed with that privilege, blessed in some cases only by the lottery of where we happened to be born. And yet, we forget about that privilege every day.

When I was in University, I took part in a LGBTQ awareness demonstration. During the proceedings there was a list read out of all the names that could be found of transgender and LGBTQ individuals who had been killed or terribly injured in the past year simply for being who they were. Not for any crime, not for any reason, just for existing. Just because someone believed that they shouldn’t exist. Every time a name was read, someone in the crowd collapsed to the ground – at first it was those of us who had been told to do so, who had been given an assigned name as part of the demonstration, but by the end, there was not a single person standing in that crowd. We all lay there, still, while the organizers walked between us and traced chalk-outlines around our still forms. The sound of the chalk in our ears was deafening. Those chalk outlines stayed on the pavement for a long time after the demonstration was over…

My mother came to that demonstration with me, perhaps one of the bravest things I have ever seen her do. She didn’t participate, but stood with the onlookers watching, listening…and when the first of us dropped, I knew without looking that she would have started crying. Because that’s when it became real to her – everyone belongs to someone, and it wasn’t just because it was me on the ground, at that moment, everyone was hers.

And that, perhaps is the attitude the world needs. Everyone is ours. We need to take care of each other not attack each other. Pick each other up instead of pulling each other down. We need to ask ourselves when does this stop? When do we make it stop? And we are never going to accomplish that with more violence, and more guns and more anger. We will save no lives trying to prove a point. How long before moments like I had today – when I breezed past a tragedy without truly even noticing it until hours later – become commonplace simply because we have become so numb to them?

My heart goes out to all those affected by this tragedy, my heart goes out to the world…a world that still cannot explain why this keeps happening…

Why are there still so many chalk outlines on the pavement?

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Further Up – Geiranger, Norway – [06/07/2016]

WP_20160601_11_36_47_ProWhen the Divine conceived of paradise, the outcome must have been Norway.

There is not much to this little port at first glance: a few souvenir shops, a hot chocolate place with a view of the harbour that I make a vague note to return to later, a grocery store, a campground.

But there is also a sound, a sound that I at first credit to the distant waterfalls, then the swollen river, and then I turn a corner and realize why the river is swollen.

When you live in the Northwest, you think you’ve seen waterfalls.

You haven’t.

This is the kind of waterfall that you think doesn’t exist, that eclipses everything by its sheer majesty. I have never been this close to wonder before. Not like this.

As I make my way up the steep, slippery metal steps installed along the river’s edge, the sound overtakes my ears, a cleansing, crystal roar that seems to pull all the cobwebs out of the deepest corners of my mind. Letting me climb higher and higher. If I listen hard enough I’m sure I could hear Aslan’ calling me into the true Narnia.

Further up, further in.

Eventually the steps level out into a viewing platform, completely overtaken by the crashing spray. Always drawn to water, I step as close to the edge as I dare, and let the water drench me, closing my eyes against the col mist, standing there until the water runs in rivulets down my face, and my hair curls into ringlets that stick to my forehead.

And despite the fact that my heart has been lightened a great deal of late I feel another layer melt away. Five years of stress and fighting and doe-in-the-headlights panic, washed way by the roaring spray. I have never felt more grateful.

A woman who happened to pass by me told me that I had been “blessed by the falls”. She was right.

I reluctantly left the waterfall and made my way back through town, stopping at one of the local cafes for what may well have been one of the best pieces of carrot cake I’ve tasted. Of course, I also tend to think that fresh air makes everything taste better. It was a little place, furnished with faux-Victorian sofas and country-wooden tables. It was an odd combination of charming and kitsch that worked quite well. But I was mostly only paying attention to the carrot cake!

Across the street was the chocolate shop I had passed earlier. The smell alone was worth walking through the door. The locally made raspberry flavoured chocolate I ended up walking out with even more so. Let’s just say I’ll be saving that for special occasions!

I ended up at a waterside eatery, where it was once again proven to me that – Sorry Britain – Norway makes the best fish and chips. Then again, I am willing to once more credit that to the location, I’m pretty sure anything will taste better when the view is that good.

This “having an appetite” thing is new for me – but I’m finding I’m enjoying it. So much so that I would have ordered blackberries for dessert if I had time.

Even this far away from the mountain you can hear the waterfalls. At least seven of them spill down the forested Cliffside across the harbor; you can follow the ribbons of their path upward until they disappear into the snow that feeds them.

Further up my friends,

Further in…

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Windswept – Hammerfest, Norway – [05/28/2016]

HammerfestI hiked a mountain. In a country far enough north and cold enough that there was still snow scattered in patches along the path near the top. It wasn’t a true hike, not in the wilderness, there was a footpath, originally formed by the passage of goats up the mountain and later brought to a more proper existence by the residents of the town. It’s still, however, very steep, particularly since I don’t have the greatest of shoes. But, I was still proud of myself for doing it, because standing at the bottom I didn’t actually think I would be able to.

I am in good shape, but not as good as I perhaps once was or one day will be, I was breathing heavily by the time I crested the top, in fact, my lungs were starting to protest somewhat…

But it was worth it when I got to the top, the coffee shop with its weathered benches was closed as it’s not quite yet tourist season, but the view was incredible, especially since the sky was dotted here and there with what looked like silver-feathered ravens. I am no bird expert, but that’s what they looked like from the size, and they definitely had silver-grey feathers rather than the black that I’m used to seeing.

It’s beautiful and surreal, standing at what feels like the top of the world like that. We are so far north that the last sunset was last night;  for the next 96 hours we’ll be sailing in daylight, no darkness at all. Sailing through a world that is pure light…a world where the ravens have silver feathers and mountains have snow in May…

I think I can live with that…

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Ship Siblings – Flam, Norway – [05/24/2016]

Woman looking at the horizonSitting at the foot of the incredible Norwegian mountains in Flam today was the new jewel of the fleet, fresh from her inaugural voyage. She still has that ‘new car’ kind of smell.

I half expected to fall in love with the new ship when I first stepped on board, she is, after all, completely music themed (even her decks are named after classical composers)…but in truth, I found her a little…intimidating. We’re all about smaller ships at the line I work for, and this..well, she’s big. She’s really big. And as a result, she feels a little less like a ship and more like…well, exactly what they wanted her to feel like: a five star hotel. That said, she is amazing, every inch of her is amazing.

Except one thing: there is no library. I knew this when I boarded her and started exploring, I knew that there was no proper collection, I also knew from talking to people that I knew who had seen her ,that the construction of the reading room that was intended to take the library’s place had never gone completely according to what was expected (I can’t speak to “what was planned” as I really have no idea)…but I wasn’t prepared for what was there: just a handful of travel guides at the edge of the upstairs lounge. An afterthought if that. Despite the fact that the library has absolutely nothing to do with me, I’ll admit that it made me sad to see.

The rest of it though….the rest of it was incredible. Top of the line computers in the tech classroom (which almost had me pressing my nose to the glass door just to get a closer look at them), showroom doors that actually lock for rehearsal, and a secondary lounge that is has a massive dancefloor and two stories worth of seating. Everything that everyone has been asking for, for years. They have built the dream ship.

I just found myself thinking that I wished she felt a bit more like a ship!

That said, it was nice to see the ‘big sister’, before heading out into the Norwegian mountains with a colleague of mine who is working as one of the management team on that glittering massive jewel. I couldn’t actually hike the mountains – wrong shoes, and I was in uniform – but it was lovely to see a friend and a familiar face. Especially since Brit always manages to make me laugh.

Although in truth I haven’t really needed that much cheering up lately; which is definitely something I am enjoying!

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Snippets – At Sea – [05/23/2016]

black_cat_by_enchantedwhispersart-d5jgsfqIn another episode of odd conversations that take place over the entertainment dinner table:

I mean, what is Halloween anyway? It’s not even a holiday..

This was uttered by our newest team member, who’s a very nice young lady from South Africa, where Halloween is not really a thing.

Beat of silence, our sound tech takes a breath to respond, I beat him to it

Actually, it’s a pagan tradition more properly known as Samhain that originates with the concept of All Saint’s Day, which is preceded by All Soul’s Eve, which is believed to be the only point in the year when the spirits of the dead can cross over the viel to communicate with the living, however, because it’s also a night where evil spirits can have influence people would don masks in order to hide from them, and leave out offerings to appease them that’s….where the…costumes….came from

At this point I sort of trail off and refocus my attention on my ice cream

Oh..

And the sound tech looks up from his own dessert, shrugs and says

yup, what she said..

For some reason this made me smile…more than a little.

 

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Hey Look – Kristiensand, Norway – [05/18/2016]

84491859a62b542500ca50a28bae3cf5Hey look no crying
Though she has one foot out the door
I should be crying, it ought to hurt a little more
I should resent it, try to prevent it
Whatever for?
Hey look no cryin’, just good bye..
I’m letting go…

~Or

In that last dance of chances
We shall know each other’s minds.
We shall part with our regrets
When the tie no longer binds.”

– Robin Hobb

When I first came to ships, what feels like a lot longer ago than it actually was, I was scared and confused, and a lot younger in a lot of ways that are not remotely chronological than I am now. The contract was a blur, and I remember little of it, except one strong hand that held onto mine and kept me steady. A few years later that hand let go…and I thought I couldn’t stand without that support. I lost it, I spiralled, but then – to my own amazement, I caught myself…I accepted the silence…I started to move forward, but the door…the door was always held open, and in some ways as long as there is hope there is no closure…if a part of you is looking back, it makes it difficult to move on…

Some ties, you think will never fray, you want to believe that, you need to, for whatever reason…some wounds you think will never heal. Some never do. But some…some surprise you.

It seems so very long ago now, so many memories, so many years passed under long forgotten bridges. And then one day, when you shout into the void to demand an answer, an answer actually comes…and it’s not perhaps the one you hoped for, but it’s also not the one you feared. And you think to yourself, that it should hurt, but you realize that the edges of the memories no longer cut, and that while there is a bit of a sting from the wound being momentarily pulled at…that the stitches haven’t torn…the long-tender wound has scarred over…and you are able to look at that response for what it is, and be grateful for what it represents…

And that’s it…it’s over.

No tears, not really, no clinging on, just a door long held open finally being eased shut, and there is relief perhaps on both sides, even though you know that perhaps part of you – and part of them – is pressing a palm to the other side, a goodbye that is felt rather than said. Because after all this time, some things don’t need to be said.

And I find myself glad, that after years of tantrums and silence and confusion…there finally comes a point where you can let each other go with grace…

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Norwiegn Gold – Bergen, Norway – [05/12/2016]

cherrytreetsNorway continues to astound me, especially since spring is erupting in this part of the world and there’s colours everywhere.

Winding through the streets in the surprisingly warm weather, we had intended to visit the aquarium, but it was too expensive, so we ambled back the other direction and ended up at the art gallery – where I apparently look enough like a student that I was given a half price ticket (score!)

The first building of the museum was modern art, which I really can’t say much to since I’ve never been a huge fan of modern art (I just…don’t get it), but the second building, is dedicated to the golden age of Norwegian artists. Walking into it feels like walking into a church, the same hushed and somehow comforting silence. The floor of the old building creak underfoot and the only modern sound is the hum of the electric lights overhead.

The paintings are so real that it looks like you could reach out and touch the ice on the glaciers.

One of the reasons I love art history so much is that it seems to me that a painting can be…warm in a very different way than a point and click photo (and that’s not remotely saying anything against photography! I love photography). It may not be as realistic, or as instant as a camera, but it’s…got something else. The endless hours that went into creating a painting, they leave a mark, a painter’s soul goes into his brush, just as much as a photographers goes into his lens.

The museum doesn’t just house art, there are rooms of beautiful examples of baroque furniture, including a hauntingly breathtaking antique harpsichord that so begged to be played that Megara had to keep her hands solidly behind her back.

Don’t touch don’t touch…

And don’t think about how looong it’s been since anyone played it, and how lonely it must be just sitting here.

You’re not helping Shaughnessy!

I know!

Megara in an art museum is…amusing.

The museum doesn’t allow photography, so I count myself lucky I can write and walk at the same time.

Walking through this place I was swept back to early morning classes staring at slides on a screen. The names, tiny footnotes at the back of  my mind, start to slowly come back to me. Flemish school, french influences. It’s all in there somewhere. If only I could find the door to unlock, or the right key to unlock it

Krong, 1882

Village Street in Normandy, Krong, 1882

One painting gene generically called ‘Village Street In Normandy (Krong, 1882), grips me because of the one person who challenges the viewers gaze in the sea of umbrellas. Definitely looking out at the world, I find myself trying to get in her head, t wondering what she’s thinking. Not that there’s any way to ever tell. But there was something about her face, her eyes…she looks as though she’s seen something, or hasn’t seen something. It’s not the most common thing to have a subject looking directly at the viewer, perhaps that’s why it grabs me so much…

But all there is about it is the title, that’s it, no names, not even a proper location…just her eyes, following me through the door to the next room…I wish I could tell her what she wanted to know…whoever she was, so long ago.

Eventually we reach the galleries most famous resident – Edvard Munch, most well known for screaming into the voids. But it’s easy to forget he was classically trained, and also created things like Morning (1884).

Munch, "Morning" 1884

Munch, “Morning” 1884

There will be no more pictures of interiors, of people reading and women knitting. There

will be pictures of real people who lived ,breathed, suffered, felt loved, I will paint such pictures. People would understand the significance of it, and remove their hats like they do in church.”

So he did, and even if they aren’t necessarily to my taste, they are beautiful.

And the museum does indeed posses a sketch of the most famous of them all, barely larger than a post-card, the scream still resonates as loudly as the famous coloured finished version.

Nikolai Johannes Astrup (1880-1928) Size: 82.5x64.7 cm Location: Private,  Photo: O.Vaering

Nikolai Johannes Astrup (1880-1928) “Weekend”

The museum’s final building is dedicated in large part to Nikolav Astrup, who’s bright colors and enchanted landscapes I had never seen before but was more than happy to be introduced to. Bright and simplistic to some extent, but there’s something about it that draws you in, I could almost feel the breeze from the window. Again, I still wonder what she’s thinking…

Upstairs the exhibit shows scenes of Bergen as painted by Johan Dahl, paintings so huge that they look like doorways to another world, s though you could step thorough the spiderweb of their centuries old brush strokes and find yourself on the fields of Norway of yesterday.

Some of the images are so amazing you wonder why they didn’t get more press, but as Megara and I eventually remembered, these works were created in the late 1800s, when the impressionist movement was already well established, realism – no matter how beautiful it was – would not have gotten much attention.

Emerging from the dim reverent silence of the museum out into the bright Norwegian  sunshine, I am reminded again, just how great a place I am in my life right now.

And that is a very good thing indeed.

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Chocolate-Box Cold – Alesund, Norway – [05/10/2016]

forward2So we are in Norway. I never really thought I would end up in Norway of all places. We sailed through the fyords yesterday and even though I’m ashamed to say I slept through most of it, what I did see was beautiful, it looks somewhat like home to be honest…or Alaska.

Except the architecture in Norway is far more impressive; this port is called the Art Nouveau capital Norway, as it was rebuilt in that style after it burned completely to the ground (something that led to no wooden buildings being constructed inside of town); it looks like something out of an old fashioned photograph, or off of the top of a chocolate box. I had never seen anything quite like it.

However, the phrase that best describe Norway as a whole, particularly on days like today, is “pretty cold”…or perhaps “beautifully cold”. It is free definitely both of those things. Particularly when one is coming from a brief stint in Spain, where the sun seems to melt you with each step.

But the cold is worth it, because it is so beautiful. That cool, crisp kind of beauty that never fail to remind me of home. I’m sure that if I were brave enough to dip a fingertip in the chill grey water it would have feel like home as well.

I was a bit of a loss as to what to do with my day at first, I’m still not used to having so much time in between shifts; but eventually I returned to the terminal where the little tour-train was parked awaiting passengers. The ticket seller gave me a small discount for being crew; though I think it was partially because she felt sorry for me as I must have looked about ten when standing in front of the very high ticket booth (seriously, I felt like a kid buying penny candy from and old-style drug store). The train was only two cars long, and the last card was mostly empty; only myself and two other couples. It reminded me of the Casey Jr train in California, only with tires instead of tracks. As we started to wind our way through the chilly streets, I settled back to listen to the narration (which, thankfully, did not require headphones this time).

There are statues all over town and hearing the stories behind them is always interesting. I think my favourite (and one of the only ones I’ll confess that I looked out the right side of the tram for), was “Towards the Sea”, one single woman shading her eyes towards the water. Apparently it was built as a tribute to a fishing accident long ago, but I thought she looked oddly hopeful rather than sorrowful.

Moving along from the waterside, we trundled down what had once been the main street of the city. It now sits quiet and residential with very little sign of what it once was. Apparently years ago, there were countless shops lining the streets, and if you wanted to meet with someone you would ways “take a promenade” there. The main street shifted to a new, wider thoroughfare in the eighties when traffic congestion became a major issue ,but I like the feeling of the old street better.

Moving on again we started our way up the mountain that overlooks the town. Apparently it was once completely without forest, and all the trees that stand there now were planted by school children and volunteers. You would never know to look at it now that the forest had not been there forever.

The train reminded me of the little engine that could as it made it’s careful way up the winding mountain road; but the view from the top was well worth it.  It’s a small city, and looking at it from above it seems like a brightly coloured children’s playset spilled carelessly across the blue-green landscape.

The train’s tiny clanging bell rings after ten minutes to gather everyone back onboard, but the driver patiently waited for the stragglers, not wanting to leave any of his small number of passengers behind. Once everyone was safely loaded back into the cars, we headed back down the mountain.

On a side note: the couple sitting in front of me in the train was from Guernsey, England; their accent made me a whole different kind of homesick. It seems no matter how far I travel, England still manages to stay with me…even on top of a mountain in Norway…

 

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