An Awfully Big Adventure – Somewhere above the UAE – [03/12/2016]

4bd21eed-71ce-454a-97de-86c36c2c9537The strangest thing about this job is the travel; there’s huge chunks of my life where I am not really of any world, I’m above it. That takes some getting used to, but this trip – this one is a little more intimidating than anything that has come previous.

I’ve flown internationally many times, but the trick is I’ve almost always been flying home. Usually when I’m flying out I’m flying to the states, or – in a pinch – to Europe. And I always, always have landed during the day. When my flight details came through for my transfer to the new position, it became swiftly apparent that such was not going to be the case this time.

I’m flying to Mumbai, which in and of itself is not a huge problem – I’ve been there before; and while I am not necessarily in comfortable agreement with the culture, and while I will never fit in there, I’m not…too terribly concerned.

That is to say, I’m not terribly concerned when I’m there in the daytime, with a group of people

Instead, I am landing at 2:15am, alone…

Amras says that this is the time when I should channel the kick-ass world traveller he says I always represent myself as, but I wasn’t truly aware I represented myself that way at all – I never go out alone, and I never travel at night. And as much as I’m relatively savvy in how to handle myself in port, and I find foreign cultures facinsating, I also find them intimidating..

Plus I am going to an entirely new job, which I’ve only barely had time to study for because circumstances have been a bit more busy lately than I anticipated…

In short – this is an adventure for me, one that I hope everyone is right about my being up for…

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Memories of Glass Slippers – At Sea – [02/28/2016]

3505af15d46ccd11677df3e5c8265608When I left the flagship I thought I had left a lot of things behind, including the Grand Balls. Huge glittering affairs full of fancyfetti, glimmer curtains and what always felt like hours of decorating, although by the time I retired from the flagship the team had it down to a science; we could decorate the showroom in well under an hour. Even in the short time I have been away from the GWV, I had forgotten that I once knew how to do so many things that came with its territory.

Until, seasickness and heat dizziness ignored, I stood in at the edge of the dancefloor, unloading cartons of decorations to once again transform the showroom into a proper ballroom. The flashbacks came fast, but so did the memories – drinks on the house, literally climbing up walls to fasten things in place, getting tangled in streamers and losing breath blowing up balloons by hand when the helium machine broke down – those are all good memories, the ones I’m glad I remember, I’m actually surprised I didn’t tear up.

With the memories, came the muscle memory: glimmer curtains are for lining the hallways, glimmer chanaliers go above the second tier of seats etc etc…

Eventually, people started to notice that I knew what I was doing, although I will not go so far as to say I took over – far from it – I did find myself pointing to things.

The black and gold swirly things? They usually go best there, the dark will hide the tape.

Hey Shaughnessy, you figure that star banner will fit along the back wall?

Little things, of course all the others were doing little things too. Decorating for a ball is by far the biggest kind of team effort and everyone pulls their weight.

But as I was climbing over the furniture, fastening banners into place and humming along to the band as they warmed up and rehearsed, I was softly transported to another ship and another time, a ship I sometimes do not miss at all and sometimes miss so painfully that I cannot discuss it, a ship of which I am proud and also tend to hide…and I smiled, and kept taping up the banner in question, and smiled even more when I stepped back from my work and realized that the room – when finished – look awfully awfully familiar…

Cinderella, is once more ready for the ball…

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Parting of the Pages – At Sea –[02/27/2016]

booktreeThere is only one hard part about leaving this job…my books, how can I leave my books? And I don’t mean just the books in the library proper, I mean the actual ones in my library, the one I end up building every contract and somehow never read my way through, the ones on my bookshelves in my cabin that I come home to nearly every night. It’s a long flight to Mumbai, and I don’t know that I can take them with me, at least not all of them; nor do I have time to read them all.

It sounds odd, but my library has gotten me through working in the library. Having constant access to that many books, that many worlds, has been my lifeline. Particularly during my days on the flagship (which I will, ironically, be returning to in a different context later this year.)

At the moment I have lost track of how many books are on my cabin shelves, not to mention the few I know I’ve left laying about in Amras’ cabin.

It will be harder to build my library when I don’t work in it.

The day after tomorrow I aquire a shadow – a brand new girl who bears the same name as me, who may or may not walk up the gangway as bright-eyed and busy-tailed as I once was. It’s hard to imagine me then, everything was so new, and so positive – I sometimes wonder when I became so jaded, when I developed the slight patina of oil on my skin that allowed so much of the day to day pressure to slide off me at the same time that it got to me so very deeply.

Which is why I rely so much on my books. Books are so often better than people, or at least at some points have proven more reliable. A book will never yell at me, never betray me, never blame me for something that I could not have predicted nor repair.

Leaving my books is like leaving a fortress; and I find myself somewhat nervous about poking my nose out into a whole new world, no matter how entrancing and exciting a concept it may be…

 

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Edge of Tomorrow – At Sea – [02/27/2016]

we_travel_without_seatbelts_on_by_plain_x_jayne-d4rlebeStanding on the edge of tomorrow
I see the sky is clear
Gonna build a bridge to the future
Into a new frontier
You know we got a lot to live for
Got so much that we can share
And there’s a place for ev’rybody
So come along I’ll take you there

~ Spirit of A Nation, 1998

We are told not to look back. Ridiculous, human beings are meant to look back, that’s why we have that swivel joint in the base of our necks ~ Stephen King

It’s an odd thing, being on the threshold of something. I am acutely aware that I’m leaving something behind, and that it’s something that’s precious – or that at one time was precious. At the same time that I’m looking forward, I can’t help but indulge in a bit of looking back; I suppose that’s human nature after all.

When I first started this job it never occurred to me that it would be permanent, then a few years in it never occurred to me that it would be temporary, it certainly never occurred to me that it would change as much as it has.

I am proud of what I’ve built for the library in the last five years. I’m proud of what I’ve given to the job; as I’ve said before, I gave this everything I had. Sometimes I even gave it more than everything I had; which may have in turn led to some problems in the long run. But there’s nothing I regret; and I’m moving on from this job in a very good place.

But it feels…very strange. Knowing that this is the last library I will work in, at least for the foreseeable future. All of my daily routines, all my expectations, everything I’ve known for my whole time at sea is about to change. I’m about to leave behind a comfortable world of paper and ink for a sterile classroom of computers; and I’ll be good at it, and I have a feeling that it will be good for me, but leaving my books…leaving my books is heartwrenching. Working here has been hard, but I have been perpetually surrounded by my favoured escape method.

As the last few weeks of this contract (because my transfer does come under a separate contract, new paperwork and everything), wind to a close, I’m suddenly realizing that is a cruise of lasts….last book club, last inventory overhaul, last of a lot of things. Contract of lasts leading into a contract of firsts…

If I am honest with myself I’ll admit that I’m somewhat …terrified is the wrong word, it’s far too strong, but scared might be a good one. I know I can do this, I know that logically I will be good at it. If there’s one thing that life has taught me it’s that you have to forge your own path, something that will make you happy or at least content, and then build on that foundation.

 

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“Be Home In Time For Supper” – St. Lucia, Castries – [02/26/2016]

This is the futurwaiting_for_my_sailor_by_yumenonikki-d2zdb2he! You can either fight it, or you can rock out to it! ~ Hairspray

Sometimes, you simply need to get away, away from the drama and the drills (this morning’s ran nearly a full hour and a half), pressure and the tears and the constant constant questions. You need to go somewhere where you can just be you, whatever that is, was or may be.

We didn’t have a lot of time in St. Lucia, it’s a short port day and the long drill this morning played havoc with most people’s plans. I wasn’t even going to have company originally, until Amras’ IPM partner volunteered to stay on board instead. The beaches were all at least a fifteen minute cab ride away and besides, neither one of us really felt like a whole lot of company. Not when it seems that there have been precious few moments that we haven’t been around people 24/7.

So we ended up at a beautiful outdoor restaurant no more than a five minute drive away on the other side of the bay; but it may as well have been a world away. For the first while we were the only ones there, snagging a table just as they opened; and the tables were right next to the water, almost over the water, so you could hear the waves lapping at the edges of the deck. That would have been music enough, but after a moment I realized it wasn’t the only music.

Okay, that…is kind of funny.

What is?

This CD, this is Mum’s birthday CD, I’m certain of it.

The very first disc we ever got for our CD player, when such things as CD players were still a big new thing; was a recording of Frank Sinatra “The Capitol Years”, which I listened to so many times growing up that I know the order of it almost by heart. I haven’t heard that CD in years, and somehow hearing it there, in that context, was just…there was something that felt very right about it.

I am very seldom blessed with ‘Avanti’ moments. Moments where you realize that it really doesn’t matter what happens tomorrow, or the next day, or in the next twenty years, you can spend your life worrying about what might happen, or you can enjoy what is happening. I used to have those moments all the time, I’m working very hard to get back to the kind of girl who embraces those kinds of moments – but today was the first time in a long time I actually had one.

Life is not always easy; but then again it’s not always impossibly hard either, if you look at a mountain in the right light, sometimes you realize that it really is just a molehill with a shadow no bigger than what you give it.

Sometimes I make my brain work to hard, and it occurs to me that I really do have to stop letting that happen, and learn to enjoy the days when I can sit by the water, and indulge in a perfectly cooked meal with good company, a world away from the place I am lucky enough to call home…

Sometimes, I really do have to remind myself to let the work stay at work…it’s the rest of the world that matters.

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Kick up Your Heels – At Sea – [02/25/2016]

There was a time wbuell-pitchforkhen I didn’t know how to line dance; after five years of line dancing on a fairly regular basis I now find this hard to believe, but I do know it to be true.

Despite the rocky seas last night, I joined the rest of the team on the dance floor of the upper lounge to at least attempt to run the line dancing class. The first dance was chaotic (wrong music, big problem!) but it went smoothly from there on.

The thing is, when the ship is rocking, my dancer self-preservation instinct kicks in, my knees bend, my hips relax, and I somewhat turn myself into a human version of “wibble wobble don’t fall down” . Which means it begins to show that I am a dancer, or at least that I still have most of the basic instincts of one. It usually takes a few dances for this to be noticeable, as I don’t exactly purposely show it off…but inevitably, someone notices something else…

Standing in between dances, wishing dearly for a glass of water to calm my still woozy tummy, I heard the distinct murmuring of one of the ladies in the front row who had just sat down.

Her shoes, she doesn’t have normal shoes…

It’s always the shoes they notice, not the hip motion, not the spins in the electric slide, nope, it’s the shoes. Soft leather, Bloc, split sole dance shoes. They grip the floor enough to give me security, but slide enough to allow me to spin. I own three pairs of them, two of which are perfectly broken to my feet to the point where it is like not wearing shoes at all; and this pair, which are nearly brand new and are still in the breaking in process (and their laces are still all in one piece!).

And yes, the look pretty lousy with evening wear but hey, some things are worth it.

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Ugh – At Sea – [02/24/2016]

seasickI have frequently prided myself on the fact that I do not get sea sick. In all my time on ships I have been seasick only a handful of times, and then it was usually when I was working on the larger ships when my office was located on the upper decks where the motion is always the worst. The two times I’ve blogged about it in the past are really the only two times I remember it being even remotely close to a serious issue.

Pride, as they say, cometh before the fall.

Or in this case, cometh before lying curled in a small armadillo like ball on the bed trying to keep my stomach in the proper place while the ship refused to stop moving in a way that was simply conspiring against me and the entire universe in which I attempted to live. I remember opening my eyes long enough to say just one thing to Amras

Do we still have some gingerale?

Yup, here…

At which point I stuck one hand straight out for the can of said gingerale, managing to not really move the rest of me at all, just my arm.

It’s not that it was rough per say, I’ve certainly been in worse seas, but there was something about it. The fact that I was exhausted probably contributed something certainly. Either way, this weather can stop any time now…

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Flip the Coin – Parintins, Brazil – [02/21/2016]

The Rebel PIN-UP PageJust my imagination
Running away with me
yes it was just my imagination
Running away with me

So many people who are in a ‘normal’ job dream of the life that those of us out here on the waves already have. I mean, look at what we do every day, this afternoon I rode in a Brazillian rickshaw with a cold drink in my hand watching the world pass slowly by as we trundled up and down hills. A few days before that I was ankle deep in the Amazonian jungle, before that I was at the biggest street party in the world, and I had the chance to dig my toes into the sand of Copacabana beach.

I’ve had my breath taken away by the northern lights painting themselves across the black canvas of the Alaskan sky. I’ve seen Petra, climbed the Great Wall, clambered up a mast of an Australian tallship, and biked my way what felt like half way across Melbourne. And that’s just me, you could fill several volumes with the adventures of the crew of just one ship. Sky-diving, horseback riding through the surf, paragliding, catamarans, swimming with sharks and sting-rays, getting beaten down by the heat of the Tahitian sun, swimming in the Amazon, hunting for crocodiles, counting stars off the bow, drinking world class champagne one night and beer straight out of the bottle the next. The street markets of India, the great cathedrals of Europe, Ireland, London, Iceland, Italy, Holland…you name it we’ve seen it, you point to it on a map we’ve probably been there.

And not one bit of it, not one scrap, is what many of us daydream about in our off hours…

You truly want to know what many of us daydream about? So many of us, with our adventure magazine lives, and our occasional imitations of Indiana Jones?

So many of us daydream about normal, even though sometimes we completely forget what normal is. We think about sleeping in on Saturdays (heck, a life where ‘Saturday’ is an actual thing!), grocery shopping, balancing a checkbook without it involving long distance internet costs, backing cookies and having someone come home from work at the same time every day to laugh at the fact that you have flour on your nose. We daydream about bagged lunches and home cooked meals. About what colour we want to paint our walls and a door that really truly locks. About putting up bookshelves and home offices and home recording studios, about being able to turn up our stereos without fear of a call from the cabin next door or from security.

Few of us out here have a home, not in the traditional sense. Most of us are fortunate enough to live with family, or couch-surf with friends during our far-spread vacations; simply because it has been deemed pointless to maintain a house when you are never there to live in it. But that being said, when we close our eyes, I suspect we all have an apartment in our minds’ eye; we can tell you what colour those walls are (mine are green), what kind of doors open to the patio (mine are french), we can tell you everything right down to the colour of the counterpane and the thread count on the sheets in the bedroom. We are so hungry for the reality sometimes, that we create it down to the last detail; because the more you daydream about something the more you think that one day…

Who knows, sometimes daydreams come true…

Until then we find comfort in the routines we do have: the two episodes of our favourite show before bed, the cookies from the onboard café, the server who knows exactly what we want our our salads. The little things that make life out here a little bit more human…

And as I’ve said before, sometimes I would trade all of it, all the adventure, all the supposed glamour, for just one ounce of normal…

And a door that locks behind me….when the only copy of the key is on my keyring.

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Window to Normality – Manaus, Brazil – [02/19/2016]

little_girl_ginzaSometimes in this crazy life, when the stress level builds to boiling, all you need is a little bit of what passes for normal. In the middle of brazil, the western concept of ‘normal’ isn’t exactly the easiest thing to find. This is a ramshackle country, the children here are oft times trained to be pick-pockets, you walk with your purse slung commando-style across your chest, you don’t carry a lot of cash etc etc. But none the less, normal you sometimes can find.

How would you like to go to an actual modern, air conditioned shopping mall?

That…sounds like a really good idea

I am not a shopper, but just being around some kind of structure that was recognizable is a boon at the moment. A mall is a mall is a mall. Just walking into the air conditioning brought a sense of overwhelming relief.

So, the reason I brought you here…I’m told they have a pretty good bookstore

At which point I looked at the huge storefront standing beside me. It was beautiful; it was almost-coming-home beautiful.

But…but I don’t speak Portuguese

No, but I figured…you could breathe in

And he was right, I stood in the doorway and took one almost painfully deep breath. Fresh paper. New stories, unbroken spines. I adore the smell of books.

Journals I wonder if they have journals…you know the first journal I ever really kept was just a spiral bound notebook, oooh like this one!

Enjoy, I’ll be over there

So I went and comfortably lost myself picking out yet another journal. I’m very particular about my journals, they have to ‘speak’ to me, and they have to say the right thing. I cast aside most of them, cartoon cats and rock bands aren’t my thing; there were a lot of Disney ones, many of which were nice enough, the Cheshire cat one caught my eye briefly, but it’s Tink I always look for. Most of them were too attitude-ridden, or too ‘cute’, but then there was one, at the very back, just one; instead of a traditional image it was pencil sketch style, with big wide eyes looking out at me that seemed somehow hopeful, and the words “today, I will shine” written across the front.

One more added to the collection. I suppose that one of these days I’ll fill them all up.

Eventually we ambled down to lunch, which was one of the yummiest lunches I’ve tasted in a while. Probably because I didn’t even realize how hungry I was until I started eating, but also because the beef sandwich I was so happy to be sinking my teeth into was absolutely perfectly prepared and the bread was still warm! Nom nom nom. Also, fresh watermelon juice is to die for…just an observation.

Of course, eventually we had to make our way back out into the sticky Brazilian heat to catch a taxi home, though thankfully the car at least had air conditioning! I swear I’m losing several pounds a day just because of the heat in this country!

Amusingly enough although the cab’s radio was naturally broadcasting a Portuguese station it seems there are some things that even in the middle of the Amazon you can’t get away from, smattered in between the lilting, almost lulling, Portuguese were a few phrases that definitely stood out “Hillary Clinton” “Bernie Sanders’ and last btu not least ‘Donald Trump”

At that point, there’s really nothing you can do except lean your head back against the seat and laugh…

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In the Jungle – Amazon River & Boca Del Valeria – [02/18/2016]

amazon1Let me begin by telling you this: the amazon is not what you think it is. It is so wide that at times it feels less like you’re sailing on a river and more like you’re transversing a particularly muddy ocean. One where you’re not quite certain you want to know what’s below the surface. The first time I sailed the amazon I was disappointed to see nothing but muddy water stretching seemingly as far as the eye could see.

At least, that’s what I remember, but I think my memory may have been tainted by the pall that hangs over the contract that is associated with it, because doing this same route now has presented me with quite a different picture.

Because the amazon is also exactly what you think it is. The hot, wet, air presses down on you like a thick wool blanket, and if you are not careful to keep yourself hydrated that heat can have dire consequences. At the narrower points of the river you can see the jungle clawing its way up to the sky in fits and tangles, fighting against itself for every last scrap of sunshine. Under that canopy are species we have not even discovered yet, this is the kind of place where you would not be surprised to find that legends are closer to truth than myth. There is no true scientific proof that there is not a giant anaconda dozing somewhere beneath those trees.

After all, the amazon is known to grow things big. When I was first here – almost 6 years ago – one of my co-workers and I thought we might take a stroll out on deck after work one evening. As we approached the door we looked at each other and wondered if it was raining…because that’s what it sounded like. But when we pressed our faces to the glass in the doors to look outside what we saw wasn’t rain…but insects. Mostly beetles and moths as I recall, of all sizes, from tiny to more massive than you’d ever truly think a multi-legged winged creature could become. What had sounded like rain was the sound of their tiny jewel-liked bodies beating themselves up against the glass and the decks. It was unlike anything I have ever seen before or since.

The swarm of beetles has not been recreated so far this trip, but it would not surprise me if that was yet to come. We’re here for another few days after all.

Of all the ports that we call at during our time on the river, Boca De Valeria is probably the most unique. Only our ships call here, and I am convinced that it is more for us to check in on them than anything else. The line’s history has it that the port was discovered accidentally, one of the ships travelling the river encountered mechanical issues and had to drop anchor just off shore while repairs were made; having little else to do, they lowered the tender boats and went ashore to explore. When they came upon the small village that they had sighted from the ship, they found that every single resident had locked themselves inside their houses, terrified of the onslaught of so many new and strange faces. Over the years we gradually built up a relationship with the village, and now we call on them perhaps once or twice a year. They are no longer as shy as they once were, but we also are careful not to force ourselves on them; these could easily be considered tribal people, their culture and their way of life does not need to be tainted or influenced by ours. We even tell the guests not to bring the children (who flock to the dock with offers of improvised tour guiding and handicrafts every time we arrive), candy or unnecessary sugar.

There are always guests who insist on believing that Boca De Valeria is some kind of a set-up, that no one actually lives there and that everyone goes home and the village sits abandoned after we depart. I could assure such people until I lose breath that such is not the case, that the world is not necessarily their own personal theme park; but I’ve come to realize that people will believe what they want to believe no matter how much truth you try and give them. And the truth in this case is that the village is precisely what it appears to be; for these people the jungle really is their back yard.

When it comes to this particular port, the best story I have heard is not the line’s, nor mine (my time in Boca De Valeria the last time I was here consisted of exactly five minutes before I was intimidated by so many strangers pushing into my personal space and high-tailed it back to the ship) – it’s Amras’.

Over ten years ago when he called here for the first time, he came across a family that, despite the vast gulf between their two languages, he was able to bond with. There were pictures taken that day, and purchases made and all that expected kind of thing. Two years later he came back, and found the same family, and to his delighted shock, they remembered him.

Then we came back this season, and I was able to stand and watch in basically mute amazement as he was able to find the same family again. Although the little girl he met so long ago has now grown up and – as far as we can gather – has children of her own in another town, the mother still remembered him. Personally I was just glad to be there, it’s not often that you get to witness something like that. The world needs more of the kind of joy those kinds of circumstances can bring.

Getting to their home required a bit of a trek from the dock and through the jungle, but it was so very much worth it.

Leaving as small a footprint as we could, we left the village behind us and slipped back out into the what I still suspect may be one of the strongest currents on earth (strong enough that we had extra officers manning the tender boats for the whole day), and churned our way upriver to our next port…

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