Its odd how sometimes things just strike you out of the blue.
Yesterday, I was sitting on the stage, waiting for Amras to finish setting up for the evening show before we went up to dinner, and I suddenly looked out at the empty theatre and felt my eyes starting to well up.
What’s up Sis?
I think my answer was so quiet he may not have even heard me. Especially not when he was wrapped up setting up his gear for what really is the most challenging production show of the week (once the downbeat drops on this show it simply doesn’t stop), but answer I did…
Sometimes, it just hits me hard how much I miss this perspective…
It’s been so long since I saw a theatre from stage (with the exception of the introduction show, which doesn’t count because all we do is stand and wave and walk back off stage), that sometimes I think I’ve forgotten what it’s like. It’s one of those things that if I think about it, if I let my mind or my heart rest on it for too long, my heart cracks right down the middle and I miss it so much the tears won’t stop. I suppose the day I stop missing it, stop craving it, stop forcing myself to think of it in present tense instead of giving into saying “I used to be in theatre” will be the day I’ve lost something of myself. So I don’t think about it…I refuse to think about it…I have three years left to pay off my debt load from my master’s degree all that time ago, and until that’s off my shoulders I literally can’t afford to go back to making the rounds…so I take what I can, when I can, from those who are kind enough to grant it to me…
But I don’t think about it…
Except every so often, when I’m sitting on an empty stage, looking out at the worn red plush seats of an empty theatre….