We’ll Make It I Swear – Victoria – [02/23/2019]

Tommy used to work on the docks
The union’s been on strike, he’s down on his luck
It’s tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love, for love

It’s not easy. But then, maybe it’s not supposed to be. I’ve always said that the fairy tale exists, but the fairy tale is work. Not unhappy work, not pain – that’s a whole other thing but….a happy ending is actually made up of a million conscious and unconscious choices each and every day. It’s not something you can just sit with and assume will manifest or maintain all on its own. And as a dear, dear relative reminded me just last night – the trick is remembering where your strength lies.

There is a lot going on; and it’s not just about planning the wedding, planning the wedding is the fun part. In fact, planning the wedding has been a high-tension roller-coaster ride that’s actually been a blast; sort of like the ultimate treasure hunt, there’s a rush when we find exactly the perfect thing that we were looking for (the centerpieces arrived yesterday for example, and they are adorable.) No, it’s not the wedding – it’s everything that goes with that – mortgage payments, food budgets, contract line-ups, immigration requirements, move in dates, move out dates. It’s a regular whirlwind within a cyclone of planning, none of which ever seems to go exactly according to the way we thought it would, but all of which seems to be working out step by tiny step.

And in the middle of all this vaguely controlled mayhem….are the two of us.

Amras and I have been through a great deal, and as a result we have become much stronger than many (not most, just many). At the moment? We’re a little exhausted, a little stressed and sometimes a little scared; but there is a distinct light at the end of the tunnel. If nothing else? We have each other; and a hard worked for open line of communication that is a solid, grounded, lifeline.

So things continue to go well. There are challenges, there will always be challenges, but over the years I have found that I have developed a blessed ability to look a little bit further into the future than I used to. Not in the sunny-eyed Pollyanna “everything will be fine” sense, but more in the hard-nosed “this is what the numbers and facts say is going to happen” kind of way, and – even though we can never truly predict the future –  that sense of ‘this is why everything is going to be okay in the end’ is just as reassuring as the ability to communicate it is.

Yes, I am somewhat exhausted, I’m sure that we both are, but as I said, there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not an oncoming train.

And as for me? I have faith…

And we’ll be coming in, on a wing and a prayer….