And every night I lie in bed
The brightest colours fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it’s gonna take
There’s a house we can build
Every room inside is filled
With things from far away
The special things I compile
Each one there to make you smile
On a rainy day
~ The Greatest Showman “A Million Dreams”
For most of my adult life, I have wanted a place to call just mine. For most of my life on cruise ships, I have wanted a place to call “ours”, though there were a lot of times I didn’t always know exactly what that meant. Knew what I wanted, without really knowing what that was. Then after a long while, I knew who I wanted to share that dream with me, but I didn’t honestly think that was going to happen. I didn’t. Some dreams are not ones that come true, they’re your light, your carrot on a stick, but they don’t come true. Except when you turn around twice and find that they actually are, they are coming true.
I have a lot of moments of being totally overwhelmed by all this. I think everyone does. I think everyone would. Getting married? When you’re an only child from a close family, when you’re any child from any family, is a huge thing. It’s a life shift. It’s terrifying, it’s exhilarating and it’s intimidating…and yes, I am frightened. But it’s not a bad fear. It’s just standing on the threshold of something that I was simply never crazy enough to think I would have…and fearing that maybe I’m not going to be any good at it.
Having a place, a place that is just ours, something we can build.
That is huge. That is…colossal…and that is a huge responsibility that I really dearly hope I’m ready for.
When you have a national geographic life, what do you have left to daydream about? I’ve been asked, that question so many times, and I’ve answered it so many times. My answer – just for me, not for anyone else, not putting thoughts in anyone else’s head – is always the same: a place that’s yours, a place where the red door closes and you and yours have the only key. You dream about hanging home-printed art on green walls, about opening curtains on Sunday morning and feeling sunshine on your face when you work on the computer. You dream about stability. You can’t buy into it completely, because life is crazy and you’re also a bit of a gypsy, but even gypsies need roots.
It may be second hand furniture and home-printed art, the pictures frames may be from drug stores instead of framing shops, and it may be a long time before we can save up enough to get some of the things on our “want” list…
And I may be frightened. We may both be frightened, but I don’t care…
Because a million dreams are keeping me awake….