Get on your bikes and ride!!
~ Queen
At least two years ago – I can’t remember the exact date – Amras and I were on a bike-pulled tuktuk ride somewhere in South America (yes I know..), and I turned to him and told him that one day, one day he and I would have bikes; and we would be able to ride anywhere we wanted to go together.
yeah…that would be awesome.
We said.
It was one of those small things that I consistently daydreamed about when I thought about leaving the waves and being just “normal”. You don’t really think – most of the time – that those things are going to happen any time soon.
Fast forward. Two years later. Endless combing through various second hand markets, countless disappointments (including about two days worth of back and forth emails to the bike shop) and I think four bus rides…and…there are two seriously brilliant vintage style cruiser bikes sitting our entry way! Mine a super dark emerald metallic green that I have nick-named ‘Sera’ (because it’s a Serenade) and his an eye-catching (one might almost say eye-popping) Kelly-green that I can’t even sit on because it’s that much too big for me.
It’s a small thing that isn’t that small. We are in absolutely no position to afford a car, I mean heck I don’t even have a driver’s license (though that will likely finally change in the near future), and having a set of wheels ; even just two wheels, brings a sense of freedom and independence that actually surprises me. I will definitely say that riding to work every morning is a lot less stressful. Though the flip side of that is that my muscles are reminding me it has been a very very long time since I last cycled; I am definitely still walking Sera up most of those hills! But the freedom of knowing that I now have the means to stop at the grocery store on the way home, or run to the bank on a moments notice or that we can just…get out of the house and go pretty much wherever.
Well, as I said, a small thing that isn’t exactly small.
I know I’ve been quiet since we got back. The reasons behind that are two fold. Primarily it’s because there hasn’t been all that much to talk about. Inclement weather, (a surprising amount of) drama at my day job, the fact that I still want a dog, or that I finally learned how to make spanakopita – none of these things are really all that note-worthy in the grand scheme of things.
Beyond that, it is simply because I am still healing. In strange slow ways that are shy to show themselves. In a way the process has been quicker for me because I absolutely had to go back to work nearly as soon as I came home. This forced me to expose myself to the general public quite possibly before I was ready for it, and I had to either figure out how to tread water or sink to the bottom. Fortunately for me I’m a fairly strong swimmer. However, a great deal of that is still bravado. I’m still extremely sensitive to odd things, I still confuse easily and find myself jumping at shadows, and – and this is the weirdest one – sudden displays of authority or changes in guidelines freak me out (no, that doesn’t mean I have a ‘problem with authority’, it is better described as: if someone tells me to do something, my instant instinct is to worry that I should have known that already and what else am I doing wrong.). It has also been over a decade since I worked a standard full time 5 day work week, and I often find myself struggling with the all-too-common thinking of “is this…it?” that I’m certain plagues most 9-5 workers in the world. A transition that I had always thought would happen gradually over the course of at least a year has suddenly slammed me sideways in a grand total of three months.
I’m a little…rattled?
And that, I suppose, has made me quiet.
And that’s not a bad thing. I’ll find my words again in time.
Until that happens. Please try not to be too concerned. I’m fine. I’m probably just out on my bike.