Don’t waste your time on jealousy
sometimes you’re ahead
Sometimes you’re behind
The race is long…and in the end? It’s only with yourself.
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s
~ Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
The other day I was standing at the cash register, feeling like any other day. A little grimy, a little tired, and – these days – a little lost. But – for the most part – fairly normal.
And in through the door walks an old family acquaintance, the sister of a dear family friend I pretty much grew up with. And she looks basically the same way she always has, but with her is this other woman; who looks… perfect. Put together, confident…honestly who looks like the cover of a fashion magazine.
You remember my daughter don’t you?
And I blink. And suddenly, I feel about….two hundred years old. It’s not jealousy exactly it’s…this bizarre inferiority complex. I remember this girl as being a bratty toddler who annoyed me when I was a tween (I probably have the age difference off there, but it’s what I remember); and now, here she was this…perfect looking girl. Suddenly all these self-doubty thoughts crowded in on me: You’re almost forty and here you are behind this counter, what on earth have you done with your life? Why didn’t you make better choices? Did you even bother to do your hair this morning? Why didn’t…why didn’t…why didn’t.
Which is so STUPID.
What have I done with my life? I mean come on! I’ve published three books, I’ve learned countless new hobbies, I had traveled around the world five times before my thirtieth birthday. I’ve stood in the shadow of the pyramids, climbed the great wall of china, I’ve run an entire classroom on my own, I’ve trained other people to do a job that I almost rebuilt from the ground up. I got married, I have a happy relationship. And the only reason I am behind that counter is because I have a super strong work ethic that has allowed me to bounce back and forth into retail for over twenty years – which means I have a strong back up plan for emergencies. It’s not always easy, it’s not ideal, but it means that in the midst of a global crisis I am in a strong enough and smart enough position to not have be truly afraid – because of the ground work I laid years and years ago. Tired yes, but afraid no.
So yes, I have accomplished a lot with my life, and I am still accomplishing things.
Comparing myself to this woman, who I no longer even know, and certainly know nothing about is…nonsensical.
So why do I bring any of this up? Why do I mention this whole silly incident at all? Well, it’s because it taught me something.
We – as people – have a general conditioned tendency to compare ourselves to others, and we usually measure ourselves short. We look at another person and too often see everything that we are not. Everything they have done that we haven’t. That’s…foolish. No matter who you are, there is only one you. True, it’s possible – hell even likely – that your life hasn’t gone the way you thought, but that doesn’t mean that you are any less than anyone else. Your life is your own. Your choices, your accomplishments; and just because those choices and accomplishments are different than someone else’s? It doesn’t mean that you are worth any less, or that you are any less amazing as a person. No matter how broken or battered you are or feel, you are worth something, you matter. What does not matter is what someone else has done with their life; you can’t change that, and you shouldn’t judge yourself because of it.
In short? Go easy on yourself…
Remind yourself once in a while that yes, the race is long (though not as long as we think), and in the end? It really is only with yourself.