Thankfully Nervous – Victoria, BC – [10/09/2019]

Posted on October 10, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

So here it is, Thanksgiving – the first real holiday Amras and I have had as man and wife, and the first time we’ll be entertaining family on a holiday. Now granted, my family is pretty laid back…but I am amazed at how nervous I am about this concept.

I am also having many moments of wondering why on earth I didn’t pay more attention when I was a child as I have absolutely no idea how to cook a turkey and am almost having nightmares about how my pie crust is going to turn out…and me who considers herself a baker!

Who knew that cooking one meal could be so complicated…

So far things we have had to pick up other than the food: butter dish, turkey lifter, meat thermometer, turkey baster, turkey oven bag and heaven all knows what else (thank goodness I work at a hardware store when I’m not on the ship!) and the food of course, a lot of food…most of which I have little idea what to do with…except that it has to get cooked somehow and end up on the table at the right time.

Because about the only “holiday” thing I know how to make is cranberry sauce – the making of which does not take a genius (despite the impression that it gave my flatmates in the UK when they saw it boiling on the stove for the first time).

So tonight I will have my first attempt at making a from scratch pie-crust and tomorrow? Tomorrow we tackle the turkey…and the stuffing…and the yams…and…everything else…

Why oh why didn’t I pay more attention?

Posted in Below the waterline, Sadie, Vacations/Shore-Side | 3 Comments

Ride On to 37 – Victoria, BC – [10/05/2019]

Posted on October 5, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

So, goodbye 36…game on 37.

How did that happen exactly?

If anyone had told me 10 years ago that I would end up where I am now – even around the very edges – I probably would have straight up laughed in their face. I did not believe that this was the kind of life that was in the cards for me.

So, what has 36 given me this time around…

36 was one of those interesting years. It had a lot of downs, but mostly it had ups. I checked another Disney park off my list, I learned that I was much better in high pressure situations (like planning a wedding long distance!) than I ever could have guessed, I learned that I was very good at figuring out high-end legal language that I only half understood, and I learned a lot about how much someone’s attitude can change their entire life. I walked up an aisle in a garden, to a man who loves me, who I love…and away from one part of my life and into another, but also figured out the balance between those two things that means that opening up to one doesn’t mean that you have to completely cut yourself off from the other. I learned that I seem to need peppermint tea on a regular basis, that I still have far too much of an addiction to books and good chocolate, and that there might be other options out there for me to make a living that I didn’t really think about a few years back. I figured out that it might be time for the train tracks of my life to go in yet another different direction sometime in the next few years.

36 gave me the mint green walls and the red door I have wanted for so very, very long…

I was reminded just how very much I want to own a dog…

There’s a lot of symbolism in how much I want a dog, but I won’t go into that just now.

36 also reminded me that it’s important to look after yourself at the same time that you look after others, that life is all about finding and keeping that balance. It reminded me just how many people love me, and it gave me and endless amount of joy at the same time as bring me more than a fair amount of tears every so often…

And it reminded me that – if you are willing to work for it – happiness will always come to you in one form or another. The fairy tale doesn’t just happen, and there is an “after” after “happy ever after” …but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a fairy tale. It just means it isn’t always the one you may have expected.

I may never know where the train tracks are going to take me, but as my life stands right now, I can look at the rails behind me and be happy with what they have given me, and with the stops I have made along the way…

And so, I wish 36 a fond and heartfelt farewell, and turn my eyes to whatever the next spin around the sun might bring me.

 

 

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38 Planes…. – Ketchikan, Alaska – [09/11/2019]

Posted on September 11, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

“Oz! Turn on your radio”
“Slow it down Bonnie”
“Jesus H, Oz TURN ON YOUR RADIO!”

Where our story starts
Where we know by heart
Every single flight

Welcome to the fog
Welcome to the trees
To the ocean and the sky
And whatever’s in between
To the ones who’ve left you’re never truly gone…
A candle’s in the window and the kettle’s always on

18 years ago…

For the first time in 18 years I nearly forgot what day it was. I’m in the midst of trying to figure out if that’s a good thing, or if it’s really really not.

It doesn’t feel like 18 years ago. 18 years ago the world shuddered to a gut-wrenching stop; and people who had been just going about their day…were suddenly…gone. 18 years ago, we all know what happened, we know how many planes, we know how many people…we think we know so much.

Flames licked, buildings tumbled, and a large portion of the world mourned; caught in a state of shock. Watching the same footage over and over again. A movie that didn’t end, that we couldn’t stop.

In the tiny Canadian town of Gander, Newfoundland…one little community felt the same shock waves as everyone else, and threw their doors open wide to 7000 “Come From Aways”…a tiny fragment of the world at its best, when the world was at its worst.

All around the globe people joined hands, and wept, and tried our best to stand firm.

And then time passed. Months became years, years became a decade…became nearly two decades.

And, despite our promises, we forgot.

We forgot them. We forgot what it felt like to stand united to try and make the world a better place in the wake of tragedy. It feels like these days, we only remember our revenge, and we use their deaths as a platform to stand against those that it would be ever so much better if we learned to stand with.

We are people after all, we’re all people.

It shouldn’t take tragedy. It shouldn’t. People should not need calamity to prove they can be good. We should simply be good.

18 years later…I still take a moment to wonder why we haven’t learned that yet…

 

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‘Cause You Had a Good Day – Sitka, Alaska – [09/06/2019]

Posted on September 6, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

Ever just have one of those days?

No wait wait! I don’t mean in the way you think. I mean the opposite.

One of those days where your mind resets. A day when you take a lot of deep mind-clearing breaths and you can almost feel the cogs slip back into place and the gears unjam. A day that seems to set everything moving smoothly. A day where it seems like the universe has gone: “you know what? This person deserves a break…let’s give her one.”

That was my day.

A large part of it is that I finally got out to the Sitka National Park; something I have been meaning to do all season and had not managed to check off my list. The forest resets my thinking almost like the ocean, everything about it is just so…clear. In a world where things are so much more…cluttered…it’s a relief to be somewhere where there is still so much life. Nature just…helps me, so very very much.

And just like a lot of other things go wrong in a row sometimes, there are days when everything goes right, all the little things, all the bits and pieces.

Really, all of them. There was even a puppy! A 10-month-old fluffy super friendly puppy, who just happened to be on a walk through the woods with his owner. I got puppy cuddles! In the middle of a random walk through the woods!

Even one of the biggest most stressful problems I’ve been dealing with at work? Fixed. Or so well on its way to being fixed that I don’t feel like I have to worry about it anymore (25 old computers? Goodbye! And also, the onboard Purser is my new best friend).

Some days? Just…reset you.

Posted in Alaska, Below the waterline, Ports of Call, Summer Contracts, Transitions | 1 Comment

Always A Band – At Sea – [09/01/2019]

Posted on September 1, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

You mean in front of people? Oh then no…no I don’t play ~ Willow

I dearly wish I’d brought Strange on this contract.

Yup, I miss my guitar. A lot.

You see, in the organize chaos leading up to the wedding, and the crazy amount of red tape involved with immigration and a dozen other things, I put Strange down and I…stopped picking her up. There were other things to do, I told myself, other things that were more important. Other priorities I should be spending my time on.

And so – with the exception of one afternoon weeks ago where Amras and I actually sat down and had a proper lesson (which I *loved), she has been sitting lonely in her case.

I really need to change that. Because I love my guitar, and despite not picking her up nearly as often as I should or would like, every time I do practice, there is a distinct jump of improvement. I know I could play – I could play really well – if I would just allow myself to make time for it!

Part of the problem, I think, is sheer fear of practicing in front of anyone. I’m a natural singer, but I’m not a natural instrumentalist, and everyone else in my family is blessed with the ability to read music. My Dad can pick up a horn and play apparently anything that’s put in front of him? Me, I still sound like a grade school kid on her first day of band practice…and I’m ashamed of that. So I get it in my head that I can only try to play when people aren’t around to hear me…

Which leads me in a circle…

Because I end up just missing my guitar…

Note to self: tune and practice when I get home.

No matter what my stupid head tries to tell me.

Posted in Below the waterline, Guitar, Reflections, Transitions | Leave a comment

Sky-Dance – At Sea, 11:37pm – [08/30/2019]

Posted on August 31, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

There are some things…that defy any kind of description. That will take your breath away even if you are fortunate enough to see them more than once…

When the annoucement bell goes off after 10pm at night, there are really only two reasons for it: an extreme emergency (which is preceded by an extremely loud alarm) or something incredibly special. There was no alarm at 10:30pm this evening, but there was an PA bell, which I was fortunate to even hear as I had my gaming headphones on at the time…

Ladies and Gentlemen, this your captain speaking, my apologies for the late night interruption but the Northern Lights are visible above the ship and this is something that does not happen to us very often…

Not very often indeed…in my near-decade with the company (my goddess has it really been that long?) I have been blessed to see the Northern Lights exactly once before this.

Up and down the corridor doors opened and slammed shut, and people practically ran up to the sky deck. Some having only time to wrap themselves in a bathrobe over their pajamas.

And…there they were.

Arching over the ship like the trail of an angel across the star-studded night. Impossible to capture unless you have a much much stronger photography skill than I, the Northern Lights are something that you can do nothing but stare at, and they shift and change and disappear even as you stare. A path across the sky that you find yourself yearning to be a part of, stretching towards…

The Lights are something you just…experience.

I am far from egotistical enough to think that anything in nature is sent for me; I am just one tiny person on one tiny planet in the vast symphony of the universe; one little tiny cluster of thoughts and emotions that in the grand scheme of things may not leave much of an impression – so no, the Lights aren’t “for me”, the Lights aren’t “for” anyone…but seeing them, just now, just at this point in my life when honestly everything feels somehow upside-down – made my heart feel so much lighter and freer than I thought possible…

Catch a falling star….they seem to say…trust where it will take you….

There are a lot of times when I will freely admit that I do not like my job. Heck, there are plenty of times when I’ll admit that I may not like my life. But some people? They work their whole lives in an office, staring out a window at another office…

And me? I get to stand in the cold Alaskan starlight and watch the Lady paint her pictures across the sky…

And there is no picture, or words…that can truly capture the joy that comes with that.

Posted in Alaska, Below the waterline, Flash Backs, Historical Sites, Reflections, Sadie, Summer Contracts, Transitions | 1 Comment

In the End – Seattle – [08/26/2019

Posted on August 26, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

Okay, I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking yet. I’m not finished becoming… whoever the hell it is I’m gonna turn out to be. I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I’m ready, I’m cookies.

~ Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Two cruises left? Wha….?

Good lord how did the Alaska season go so blessedly fast? And what on earth happened to August? I blinked…that’s what happened.

Let’s see, what has this Alaska season taught me, because it’s true, Alaska always “gives” me something.

In this case? I think I’d have to say self-confidence, mostly in my ablity to do my job despite the fact that it doesn’t always like me. This was supposed ot be a simple, straight forward fill contract, and yet it’s turned out to be one of the more high pressure runs I’ve experienced behind the scenes. Lots of spinning plates in the air and not always really sure where they’re going to land.

Not to mention that our shore-side tech department seems to have gone from “totally hands off” to “check in with you every other day”? Careful what you wish for I suppose.

This contract I have aquired two Funko Pop figurines (Hermoine Granger and Carmen San Diego), and five books (only one new), two dollar store Supernatural posters and a pair of Wonder Woman chuck taylor high tops. And I learned how to clean the toe caps on chuck taylor high tops. I’ve been seasick ones and had about three migraines. I’ve listened to four audiobooks, and not taken nearly as many photographs as I intended except for the ones I got of the glacier which turned out so well that I didn’t take anymore for the rest of the season.

I’ve reprogrammed 25 machines two times over and rewatched 11 ½ seasons worth of sci-fi tv. I’ve learned four new courses and relearned all the old ones and am still having difficulty remembering all the new names. I’ve locked myself out of my room three times, and ordered more room service than I can remember.

I’ve drunk probably way more over-priced coffee than is good for me. And stared at more computer screens than some people probably do in a year.

And I’ve spent way too much on overage charges for my cell phone.

Typical stuff…all of it.

But what Alaska has really given me this season? Is a reinstatement on the importance of communication. In the end, you are the only one that runs your own life – even if you’re on the journey with fellow travellers – you’re still the only one that makes your own choices. You choose what you focus on, what you wlil or will not accept, and whether or not to acknowledge the consequences of those choices.

If you go to a party and spend the whole time focusing on the couple breaking up in the corner you will come home miserable. If you turn your attention to the other corner of the same party where people are having a fantastic time, you will come home feeling better about life. Emotions are contangious. Joy can spread as easily as fear. Neither is less real or less important than the other.

You can be empathetic to someone’s problems while not being a dormat, you can be assertive without being horror. It is okay to stand up and state when you think that something isn’t fair or isn’t right, and it’s okay to explain why you think such a thing and suggest what can be done to fix it.

It’s okay to be angry or disappointed, and it’s okay to give yourself permission to move on from that. Or not. Or not yet. That’s a choice too, though not as happy of one perhaps.

It’s okay to have no idea what you’re doing in life, and okay to want to change where you are, even if you can’t do that right away. It’s okay to not know exactly where you want to go.

It’s okay to acknowledge that even as a supposed adult you don’t have it all together.

Because you know what? No one ever does.

It’s okay to fight with the ones you love, it’s okay to disagree, it’s okay to just not get them sometimes, and it’s okay make up with them on your own terms. All of your own terms.

Because no one ever approaches life the same way and what bugs the heck out of one person may not resonate even the slightest bit with the next.

It’s okay to miss your cat and your partner and your home and still be relieved that you have a job evne if it takes you away from those things.

It’s okay…Alaska reminds me…it’s all okay…

And you know what? If it isn’t…well then it’s not the end.

Posted in Alaska, Below the waterline, Reflections, Summer Contracts, Transitions | Leave a comment

Threaded With Kindness – Ketchikan, Alaska – [08/14/2019]

Posted on August 14, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

Every so often, something happens that proves to you that there are good people in the world. Random, normal, good people.

The problem about working with embroidery kits is that inevitably there’s a point where you’re near the end of the project and you realize that you’re out of a paritcular colour of thread. Now, a few years back I could have just written to the company and they would have sent me a few hanks of the missing colour- kits always seem to come up short no matter how careful you are with your technique. The problem is MCG Textiles? Went out of business unexpectedly a year or so back, so when I run out of thread? I have to search through craft stores for a match that’s even close.

No problem, there’s a craft shop in Juneau and one in Sitka…so the fact that I am out of Ivy, Marigold, Petal Pink and Emerald Green? No problem…

Except that I have IPM in both those ports this cruise..

So I was wondering about in Ketchikan today and was directed to the local quilting shop as a possibility for maybe selling embroidery floss. But when I got there, nope, just quilts…and one really really lovely shopkeeper…

Wait, what colour are you looking for?

Well, for one a really really dark green…

Wait here…the people who owned this store years and years ago, they sold thread. We don’t but…I have a whole basket of it in back. Let me see what I have.

She pops into the back and comes out with a small laundry basket full of embroidery floss.

Seriously, please, just take what you need. It’s literally just collecting dust.

I mean embroidery floss isn’t the most expensive thing in the world, but to just have someone give me five hanks of it?

It’s the little things that give me hope sometimes.

Posted in Alaska, Below the waterline, Travel | Leave a comment

Sleepy but…. – At Sea – [08/13/2019]

Posted on August 13, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

Another cruise done and another one started! But so far this season we seem to be doing exceptionally well; and I have to say I got a lot done last cruise. 25 new laptops reprogrammed and installed ready to run this cruise, and all the new material learned!

Yes, it was a marathon, yes I am a little tiny bit exhausted, but hey I did it! With…48 hours to spare!

Enough time to spare that I didn’t feel guilty going home for a few hours yesterday (three cheers for a run that calls in Victoria twice a week!) and actually…having an afternoon off! Something I have to say I didn’t expect on that particular cruise.

But hey, it all got done! So, onwards and upwards I go.

I often forget how much I love Alaska, the few times I’ve managed to get out this cruise the weather has been stunning – nothing but fresh air and sunshine. These days, Alaska feels…comfortable. I know these places, I know these roads, I know all the shops and all the malls and even a couple of the movie theatres. How many countless seasons through this itinerary have made it almost like a second home. A little tiny bit on the dull side sometimes, but good for me, it clears the cobwebs out of my mind. It resets my head.

And sometimes my head needs a little bit of resetting. Then again, I think everyone’s does.

So really? Work I’m good at, people I love, an attitude that is climbing upwards instead of downwards. Money in the bank and a roof over my head, and fresh air and sunshine.

I would say life is pretty good right now. Yes, yes I would definitely say that.

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Dropped Balls – Homer, Alaska – [08/06/2019]

Posted on August 6, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

You may have picked up that there’s a fair bit going on in my life right now. I mean, I’m an newlywed for one thing, Amras and I are currently apart for another, which is bound to lead to its own set of rollercoaster tracks. And then there’s immigration, and what feels like about a million other juggling balls in the air.

One of which is work. For the last little while, we’ve known that we were receiving new cirriculum, that the company I work for is/was planning on doing an overhaul of our format which will give us all new classes and a whole new way of teaching those new classes. And in preparation for that, we have all been issued two dozen new classroom computers which need to be prepped, imaged and configured before they can be used. Each machine takes about an hour and a half to run through the configuration process. So, the first three weeks I was here were mostly spent adjusting to being here (I literally don’t even count the first week as it’s completely taken up with meetings and onboard safety trainings and such), and since then I’ve been trying to focus on getting those machines done for next cruise.

As well as dealing with, well you know other off-page stuff.

When you’re learning a really complicated juggling routine you have to pick which of the multicoloured balls to focus your attention on right?

Well…it seems I may have…to some small extent… Picked the wrong priority.

The material for the new format has been sitting in my inbox since last month, I looked it over when it came, but left it until we had more stable internet to actually download and then….? Then it got lost in the juggling pattern. Or more accurately it got suspended up there in mid-air while the rest of the brightly coloured spheres spun.

In other words: I kind of forgot about it.

Until this afternoon when we got the email from Head Office that the new format is rolling as early as this weekend…and here I am, not familiar with any of the cirriculum.

Gulp.

Well, I used to be very good at cramming (I was always guilty of doing my papers at the last minute in high school and through a large part of university) and I can usually memorize a script in under an hour.

So I can do this…I’m sure I can do this…

Just…one second okay? I think a juggling ball just landed on my head!

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