Still Above Ground – Victoria, BC – [03/07/2021]

Posted on March 7, 2021 by GypsyShaughnessy

My dear few and remaining loyal readers,

I just wanted to take a moment to make sure you knew that yes I am alive and well. I am not quiet because of any particular reason, I am quiet because just at the moment there is not a great deal to talk about.

Life goes on, complete with all the bumps along the road, both expected and unexpected. It’s now been almost a year since Amras and I were at sea, and while a lot has changed in a year (almost too much to comprehend), we have settled into some semblance of a routine. Most of what is influencing our lives at the moment we have little to no control over and so we simply take things day to day as smoothly as possible.

I, who once wondered what country she was in on any given day, now work the 9-5 grind Monday-Friday, the same as millions of other people; and sure it’s not exactly the greatest, but it’s stable and pays the bills and that’s more than a lot of other people can say right now. It will be a while before our industry returns , and when it does it will not look at all like it once did, so I’m also laying the groundwork for alternative possibilities. Why? Because it’s always good to have a backup plan that’s why. Keep your fingers crossed for me as I put out four applications for really cool looking secretarial jobs this morning (what I *like* data entry!).

Keeping me smiling and afloat right now is the show that I’m in. A group of 8 slightly crazy people who rehearse every Tuesday evening in preparation for putting on a virtual performance worthy of these crazy times. If you haven’t already got your tickets, send me a message and I’ll send you the link, because you should really really come. After all these years away from it, being back on the stage in any form has lightened my heart in a way I didn’t think possible. I knew I missed it, I didn’t know I missed it this much!

In other news, Stitched By Heart Crafts is taking off more than I ever could have expected. I have commissions booked up until the beginning of May! I never thought there would be any interest let alone this much, but here I am…an entrepreneur.

You never know where life is going to take you do you?

Posted in Life in the Times of Covid, Sadie, Vacations/Shore-Side | Leave a comment

Back to Backstage – Victoria, BC – [02/02/2021]

Posted on February 2, 2021 by GypsyShaughnessy

There’s a special kind of aura ’round a Show Person….

Eleven years ago I this April I got a phone call from the hiring director for a major cruise line. At the time I was in the middle of doing a semi-professional production of The Rocky Horror Show as part of a fundraiser for one of the local theatre companies. I was playing Trixie, the Usherette who opens and closes the production…it was – at that time – the second major lead I had ever had and I was insanely proud of it.

I still remember walking down the aisle of the rehearsal theatre, looking the director – whom I knew well by then and considered a friend – in the eye and saying

I must really love you guys….I just turned  down Venice.

You see, the job offer for my intitial position with the cruise line had been for launching the company’s newest ship out of Venice. The problem was they had wanted to send me out that week, and that was my show’s tech week. And I had a lead. They were depending on me. So I said I was sorry, that I couldn’t do that to my cast , and they (thankfully) said okay, and they put me on a run to Alaska instead.

I remember only flashes of that show now. It was one of the best productions I ever did, certainly one of the most fun. But like all shows, the memories dull around the edges a bit with time. At one point I knew every single cast members’ name and birthday, now I recongize only a few of their faces. We were very close knit at the time though and man did I ever love that part.

But one thing I didn’t count on, was when the curtain dropped on our last performance…it was going to be the last curtain I watched drop from stage-side in a long…long time.

Eleven years long.

When I first started working on ships they had told me that they would be glad to work around and shows I was cast in. Looking back I should have known better. You can’t take two unpredictable lifestyles and smash them into one. I was never home for audition season, and even if I was, I would never be home for the run dates. Eventually I simply put away my character shoes and ballet slippers and tried my best not to think about it too much.

And then the world shut down.

And suddenly…suddenly I was home!

I was home and there was nothing to audition for!

And then….there was. This little notice popped up on my social media, advetising casting for a community theatre *virtual* production of a newly written drama…and lo and behold there were three parts in my age range; and I was home for all the dates.

And…

I got the part.

Not just a part. The lead part.

It’s not a big show, it’s a tiny little local “zoom” virtual show that will only run for one night. We’ll have six rehearsals and because it’s virtual we won’t even be able to hear our audience…

But it is a *show*…for the first time in over a decade I have a *show*…

And I wish I could explain …that I could find the right words to explain…just how much more “me” that makes me feel…

It’s like…coming home after a very very long cold day.

Posted in Life in the Times of Covid, Performances | Leave a comment

Welcome to the Twilight Zone? – Victoria, BC – [01/04/2021]

Posted on January 4, 2021 by GypsyShaughnessy

This…is an odd date on the calendar for me. Not so much that there is anything really important about Jan 4th; it’s just another day on the calendar for most. But for a lot of ship people? This day marks the start of first contracts of the New Year.

All around the world, thousands of us that would normally be hauling luggage through airports and kissing loved ones goodbye and preparing to go away for months on end are…not. We’re home instead, in my case sitting at a computer watching the rain and trying to sort out a rather mixed up mess of emotions that range the gambit from…well, I’ll give you a small sample of my head this morning:

I’m glad to be home and safe with people that care about me!

I miss it though…

But I was miserable and lonely so often! How can I miss it?

But it wasn’t so bad…

Maybe I should make those cookies today…

Was last year the last wheels up day for me?

hey, it’s one thing to choose to stop traveling for a living, it’s another to have it taken from me, I didn’t agree to this! I was supposed to quit on my own terms!

I’m so glad to not be going anywhere!

Wow…look at the rain

And that’s all in the last five minutes. Quite the mental rollercoaster.

I am the first to say that not going anywhere is necessarily a bad thing. I would much much rather be here, at home, with my little bubble of people, than I would be on a ship with thousands of strangers right now. And the truth is, I was looking for a long break from the job anyway – the hours were/are long and grinding, you often don’t feel like a person, there is no real “going home” at the end of the day and your personal world shrinks to the size of a small dorm room crammed full of luggage in every cupboard.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t mourn the fact that as of today, it has been almost a year since the start of our last contract. It doesn’t mean that I don’t mourn the loss of an industry that – while insanely difficult most of the time – has supported us well for over a decade. It doesn’t mean that I’m not having moments of being reminded of just how scary a time this is for myself, my loved ones, my fellow shipmates.

I’m sure all these feelings will sort themselves out and pass on eventually. We will sit and watch the rain and play silly board games and talk when we need to and allow for silence when there is nothing to be said .I might just bake those cookies finally. And I’ll probably finish my Christmas Mouse pattern.

But I’ve learned that if you don’t acknowledge the tangled mess of emotions in your heart it only gets more tangled…so right now I have to acknowledge that I feel a bit like I’ve been pitched headlong into another dimension…

One that (I suppose thankfully), doesn’t involve airports…

Posted in Life in the Times of Covid, Sadie | Leave a comment

Twenty, Twenty, Twenty-Four Hours to Go – Victoria, BC – [12/31/2020]

Posted on December 31, 2020 by GypsyShaughnessy

Let’s let the old year die with a fond goodbye
And our hopes as high as a kite..

Well, maybe not so much “fond” as a “good riddance you kill-joy!” and perhaps some of us are a bit tempted to keep our hopes…low…

Good Goddess, where do I even start?

Every year I find it relatively straight forward to look back at the previous twelve months and do a mental review of the good, the bad and the brilliant. And normally the good and the brilliant actually well outweigh the bad and the ugly…

But this year…oooo this year is giving me a run for my money.

So let’s get the nasty bits out of the way: 2020 has been…one of the hardest years in memory. For me. Most likely for you, though I don’t know who is reading this at this particular moment in time. It’s put us through the wringer backwards, and – in my case – delivered some unexpected uppercuts right in the last moments of the final round.

On a personal level, myself and Amras both witnessed the complete shut down of both of our main industries, throwing us into an uncertain spiral that we mostly level out from on a day to day basis. Hell, we were basically in a very luxurious prison for the first few months of the year! But we survived that too. And there’s more sorrow in my little bubble than there was at the beginning of the year too…my family lost dear dear friends and I lost at least one colleague. There have been many many days when getting up in the morning? Has been an exhausting fight. On a global level…well, we all know what happened on a global level. The world ground to a halt, and surprised me by completely pulling together, and that made me weep by once again trying to tear itself apart. I’ve seen humanity at it’s best and its worst in the last twelve months. There have been moments of exuberant joy and kindness that have stood out in a sea of grey sorrow that seems to have been determined to lap around our ankles and pull us down like the horse in The Never-ending Story (I knew there was a reason I never liked that movie). We had our chance at coming together as a global community, and for a little while, in little shining sparks…we made it. And those moments give me an incredible amount of hope.

But there’s really no sugar-coating it, this has been a horrid turn on the rollercoaster. And many of us have hated nearly every moment of it.

But…it is an ill wind that doesn’t blow some good. And it’s a waste of an ordeal if it doesn’t teach us something.

So…what has this hell of a year given me? Us? Well…I can’t speak for everyone, so I’ll just speak for me. 2020 has taught me that – even at my weakest – I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I have seen things this year that have made me want to run away and hide, and yet somehow, I’m still here. Still upright. Still mostly in one piece. It has taught me that there were skills hidden in the back of my mind that I didn’t know I had until I actually had to rely on them (oi, what this year has taught me about balancing a budget!), it’s given me a deeper appreciation and understanding of how important family is, because sometimes it takes the ones closest to you being in danger to make you realize how dear to you they really are. It’s given me a bone deep sense of humility, and made me realize that there are so so many things in this world that we don’t understand and cannot control, so the only option we have left is to love those things we do have all the more fiercely. It has given me an awareness of just how selfish I can sometimes be, and made me more focused on trying to set that self-centeredness aside for the good of others. Because I hope, that if I am ever in a position where I need it, others would do the same for me.

It has given me the time to get to know my landlocked coworkers again, to the point where some people I barely knew before are now considered – if not friends, at least close acquaintances. It has made me appreciate my support network even more and taught me exactly who that support network is.

I have learned more about working as a unit, instead of only as a pair of individuals, and learned not to be afraid to ask for help when I need it.

I have learned that it is okay to not be strong all the time, and that those who truly care about you will respect your tears; and that sometimes they’ll even bike 15 minutes in the rain to bring you something you forgot. Or they’ll offer to make your lunch, even though everything in society says that you’re really beyond the point where you should be making your own.

2020 has taught me to appreciate the little things. The things that are so easy to pass over. Because when the world is forced to a stand still, you start to see those little things more. You start to notice more things. Even if it’s just the birds outside your window, or the knowledge that you finally planted flower seeds for the first time. The chill of the winter sunlight on my face when I take off my mask after work. The flex of my own muscles as I get stronger riding my bike.

All the little things.

I’m not naïve enough to say that “2021 will fix everything”. It won’t. It’s just another day on a calander that we as a society made up a long time ago. It’s not going to magically heal the world.

But it remains true that the only thing you can control about the next 12 months? Is what you decide to do with it, and the attitude you decide to take. So perhaps, while it can’t reset the world, we can maybe use it to reset ourselves. Not by going to the gym or starting a new diet or setting some impossible new goal…but by simple choosing to…be enough for ourselves. To take a breath, and adjust our sails…

This is the start of a new journey…however you choose to look at it. Take what this horrific year taught you and try to apply it for the best…so that the next chapter of this new 365 day story? Will be a good one.

Bright Blessings

Shaughnessy.

 

 

Posted in Life in the Times of Covid, Reflections, Sadie | Leave a comment

I Found You Christmas – Victoria, BC – [12/25/2020]

Posted on December 25, 2020 by GypsyShaughnessy

And then everybody laughed again
And then I went to bed…
Looking through my bedroom window out into the moonlight and the unending smoke covered snow
I could see the lights of all the other houses on our hill and hear the music rising from them up the long steadily falling night.
I turned the gas down. I got into bed
I said some words to the close and holy darkness…And then I slept.

It wasn’t a “normal” Christmas…in some ways. Nothing about this year has been “normal”, in some ways, the day felt a little unusual and a little strained around the edges at times – as though the knowledge of what was happening in the outside world was trying to get in through the cracks…but that’s to be expected.  In some ways…I’ll admit it felt like any other weekend.

And yet…

Despite that. Despite everything, that has been happening to everyone, not just to my little family but to everyone…today was one of the happiest Christmases I’ve had…for a very long time.

Freed of expectations and robbed of the pressure we put upon ourselves to be a picture perfect Christmas card, setting aside the glitter and the sparkly wrapping paper and so many other things that just aren’t an option this year….I found that we were left with…ourselves. And that’s a good and beautiful thing. Just me, and the three people in the world that mean the most in the world to me. And small gifts from the heart instead of large ones from the pocket book, and laughter and good conversation and…love. So much love. Under all the pain and the drama of this year, there is a foundation of love that continues to grow stronger despite everything moving against it.

And isn’t that what Christmas is supposed to be about in the first place? Isn’t it really?

It’s about the little things. The smile on my mother’s face when she finally opened the present we’d actually had for her for nearly half a year. The joy on Amras’ face when looking at a vintage Christmas ornament. My Dad’s laughter that’s sometimes too rare these days. The perfect taste of log roll and the smell of a freshly laid fire.

It’s not about the things you can wrap up.

It’s never been about the things you can wrap up.

Walking hand in hand with Amras in the scattered rain this evening (once again my quiet hopes for a white Christmas have been dashed), with my fingers wrapped in new gloves and the streets nearly empty…my heart felt lighter than it has in months.

In a few days, reality will return to my little corner of the world; there will be more lawyer appointments and work days and general craziness…but for today? For right now? For now…everything is good again.

I wish all of you, and yours, a dear and happy holiday season. A joyful Christmas and the happiest of new years. You deserve it, we all do.

And remember, sometimes the ‘Dolly in the Corner’ is not a present at all. Sometimes it’s the people around you – physically, spiritually or virtually, and the joy those people and those memories can bring.

And with that…I say my words to the close and holy darkness….and I sleep

Merry Christmas everyone

Bright Blessings

Shaughnessy

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Christmas at the Counter – Victoria – [12/20/2020]

Posted on December 20, 2020 by GypsyShaughnessy

‘Twas the week before Christmas
And all through the town
The store staff were frazzled
And their spirits were down

Okay people, here’s the deal. Working retail at Christmas? Is it’s own special brand of crazy…this year? It’s even more crazy.

It has been a lot of years since I was behind a counter during the holidays. I have usually been spending my days in the Caribbean with uniform Santa hats and wax painted smiles, and about 200 children running about a large vessel where Santa comes in by jet-ski (which is still crazy…just a different kind). This year? Obviously I’m not there. And that’s okay. I am totally okay with that. I am home, with my family and my oranges and our ‘shared’ household cat. I have a tree and hot chocolate and fresh made Christmas cookies and that’s all exactly what I hoped it would be.

But all that aside, I am still a shopgirl at Christmas.

And as a shopgirl…here is my plea.

Be kind.

Please please please. Be kind. Be patient. And know that there are things you can do that will make everyone’s life a little easier. Let me be as straight forward about this as possible:

Do:

  • You’d be amazed how much different it makes just to see a customer take a second to smile. Yes, even behind a mask. We can see your eyes, and they do reflect what you’re feeling.
  • To us. Not to your phone. Not to your friend behind you in line. Speak to us. Say hi! We promise we’re really very nice!
  • Be patient. We are super busy this time of year. If you see us running from one corner of the store to the other, realize that we are likely already in the midst of assisting someone and wait for a moment to pause and ask if we can help you. We promise, you’ll be helped as soon as it is humanly possible.
  • This is a weird year. Please don’t pay with huge bills if you can avoid it. We get it, cash is legal tender, and it may be all you have. But please, don’t hand us a $50 to pay for a $2.50 purchase. Our floats are small right now and all it takes is one or two purchases like this to completely clear us out.
  • Have your method of payment and loyalty cards and all your purchases ready when you get to the counter. We really don’t want to rush you, we really really don’t, but when there’s a double line up of people behind you stretching the length of the store, we really need you to be on top of things.
  • Keep your temper. We know it’s raining out, we know you don’t want to be wearing a mask, we know that you’re stressed and tired. So are we. But no matter what kind of a day you’re having, it’s not our fault…even though we’re the ones right in front of you. Be nice. It’ll make everyone’s day.

Don’t

  • Fight us on the mask mandate. We’re not the ones that made it. We hate it just as much as you do. But we are the ones that have to enforce it. Don’t be jerks. Don’t make us cry.
  • Leave a massive pile of purchases on the counter while you go back for “one more thing”
  • Ignore us when we ask you to split the line up for the sake of speed and safety.
  • Get angry when we can’t help you right away. We have four phones ringing at once, two line ups at the till plus one at the door. We’re short staffed and doing the work of a staff double our size…take a breath please.
  • Talk on the phone while we’re serving you. It’s a small thing, but we’re people, please at least acknowledge us instead of throwing your purchases at us and not even breaking your flow of conversation.
  • Cut line. Even if it’s just to ask a question.
  • Show up before opening or after closing and demand to be served. Please. Just don’t.

And for all of you who are being awesome. Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. This is a weird Christmas, but it’s a weird Christmas that has the opportunity to give us something beautiful. Take a breath, take a pause…and continue to be kind to your fellow humans…because we all need that right now.

Thank you for hanging in there.

Another tired Shopgirl

Posted in Below the waterline, Life in the Times of Covid | Leave a comment

Dolly in the Corner Revisited – Victoria, BC – [12/09/2020]

Posted on December 10, 2020 by GypsyShaughnessy

“I’d rather have the dolly in the corner.”

“I’d rather have the oranges…”

~ A Musical Scrooge

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Christmas this year. About what it means. About what it is. About whether or not, deep down, it’s actually important or…worth it in the midst of all this.

And I think I have come to a very important conclusion within myself.

The holidays this year? Are more important than they’ve ever been before. I think I’ve noticed this more being a shop girl this season than I would have were I…not. Usually we don’t start selling completely out of Christmas lights until midway through December, this season our shelves were starting to look bare a few weeks before December even started. There’s been an unprecedented rush on holiday sparkles…because I think everyone needs something visibly, aggressively cheerful in their lives in the midst of all the terrible dark and fear.

But the run on lights and the uptick in Christmas displays isn’t exactly what I’m trying to get at here…

I’d be lying if I said that there wasn’t a part of me that …didn’t want to bother this year at all. That was tempted to not do any of it, to just…leave it all in boxes, put on a movie, buy some oranges and be done with it. After all, there’s no big party, no big orphan’s dinner, no outdoor skating rink, no caroling, no in person non-household gift exchanges. There’s no…trappings…this year.

And yet…perhaps that’s exactly why my heart told me “no…no, this year, this year is the year to open yourself up to the important stuff.”

Time, I realized…to savour the oranges.

Some years ago I wrote about the “Dolly in the Corner” complex. The idea that the holidays have caused so many of us to be the ‘littlest Cratchit’  with her nose pressed to the toy shop window, longing for the beautiful blonde doll winking at us from behind the glass. The big beautiful sparkling whatever-it-is that we ache to unwrap Christmas morning more than anything else. I recall saying that I have been very very lucky in my life, and that my ‘normal’ line of work normally gives us the Dolly In The Corner; but that perhaps we should all think about being a bit more like Tiny Tim…who only wishes that his father would buy oranges instead of apples for Christmas Morning. And so ‘oranges’ have come to represent all intangible things that are really important…

And once I realized that, and caught hold of it…I realized that I feel more like Christmas this season than I have since I was a child. Once you peel back all the layers of “we don’t have”, all the glitz and commercial glamour that we have been taught is so very important…there has been something found under all of it. Something really really important.

It’s an old cliché that the holidays aren’t about what’s under the tree, it’s about who’s around the tree.

I know that many of us don’t have all the people around us that we wish we did. I know families are separated and loved ones far flung. I know this is hard. But one thing that this whole mess has given me is a bone deep appreciation for the people that are here. The dear ones I am allowed to see. The things that I can do.

Sure, I can’t go ice skating. I can’t afford fancy dinners in or out, and I can’t get everyone the zillions of gifts I would like. I can’t audition for anything and I can’t go see the nutcracker…

But I can curl up in front of the fireplace with my husband and watch silly Christmas movies. We can sit and string popcorn to hang on our (comparatively) small tree, I can sit with my family and try and solve the world’s problems over too many glasses of eggnog. I can blast Christmas carols in the kitchen and make overly large batches of sugar cookies. I can make glittering fairy lamps out of mason jars and battery driven mini-lights. I can still hang stockings even though there isn’t a great deal to put in them. I can still smile at strangers even if it’s from behind a goofy Christmas mask. I can make people presents and figure out if homemade freezer jam counts as a present. I can light candles and take pictures and figure out how to sew one of those goofy Christmas masks for AJ.

I can take a twilight walk with my husband, when the streets are almost empty and admire those same Christmas lights I probably sold earlier this week.

I can still speak to those who are far away…even though they are further than I would wish.

I can stop and think about all the people who have it worse than me, and how lucky I am to be where  I am. I can be appreciative of the things that I can’t touch, but that can be encouraged around us every day, especially now. Human kindness, decency…tolerance..

And patience…so so much patience.

I know a few people who have given up on Christmas this year. For whatever reason, because the bells and whistles are gone, or more likely simply because they are tired – worn through by a year that has taken too much and given so little…

But the truth I have found for myself is this: This Christmas is a gift. You may have given up on the holidays, but they haven’t given up on you. Christmas is that small still voice of giving in your heart that says “here, here is the joy in the darkness. Here is some light…if you will just see it…”

After all, as a wise fictional professor of magic once said: ‘Happiness can be found in the most unlikely of places…if one only remembers to turn on the light”

Please…this holiday…turn on the light…

Pull your nose away from the freezing cold window glass, and your eyes from the Dolly…

Take a deep deep breath….

And smell the oranges…

Posted in Life in the Times of Covid, Reflections, Sadie | Leave a comment

Keeping Calm(ish) and Carrying On – Victoria, BC – [11/21/2020]

Posted on November 21, 2020 by GypsyShaughnessy

All those wars. Pain and lies. Hate. Made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves. I mean, you can search the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So, yes, I know that love is unconditional.  ~ Stardust

I just wanted to take a moment to let everyone know that I am – in fact – still alive; and somehow remaining sane in the *in*sanity that is the last ….I’m really not sure how many months at this point.

The truth is, most days I am honestly counting my blessings. I have one of the most stable support networks in the world; a family who loves me and looks out for me, and a husband who somehow manages to accept the fact that it seems like I am never actually home all that much while at the same time being so firmly anchored in my corner that I worry sometimes that he might forget that he has me equally anchored in his!

I would be lost right now without my Pack.

Things are basically trucking along. Like everyone else in the world we’re just trying to keep one foot in front of the other while feeling like the balance beam is not always the sturdiest. Like the rest of BC, my little hometown is now undergoing what I suppose you could call a ‘soft” lockdown, the only big difference for me is that my fear of the ‘no social gathering’ restriction has come to pass, which means that for the next two weeks at least my Ghost Tour job has been suspended. That’s combined with the fact that ‘my’ cruise line has just announced that they are remaining in pause mode until well into the new year (March at the earliest), has me staring down the middle of “Okay so…Plan…Z? Did we even HAVE a Plan Z????? I don’t remember anyone telling me I needed a Goddess-blessed Plan Z!!!”…but, as a wise woman keeps reminding me, none of this is anything that I could have done anything about, or anything that we should be blaming ourselves for. Like so many others, Amras and I had a solid plan in place that under most circumstances would have been more than sufficient…

The current times? They are not most circumstances.

So all of you, who are freaking out – either on the inside or the outside (and I have days of both), who are trying to find healthy coping mechanisms (and possibly falling into some unhealthy ones once in a while), who are frightened for their families, their kids, and heck, for the whole world.

Breathe.

Please. Just breathe.

Remember, that none of this is your fault. You did not cause this. You are not at fault for not being “prepared” for this. You are not at fault for not having enough set aside to “handle” this comfortably. No one, and I mean no one, could possibly have been prepared for what everyone thought was going to be a few months spiraling out into almost a year…no one. Not one single, every day normal person, could have foreseen what this would become when we were all at the beginning of it. You have not done anything to cause this. You are not weak for melting down, you are not weak for being tired, for being afraid, and for being all these other things that are slewing around in your brain right now.

You are enough.

One day at a time is enough.

No one really had a “Plan Z”…know that you are not alone in that. You are not alone in any of it.

Now, if you are someone who does not wish to adhere to guidelines, who puts your own comfort above other people’s health? Yes, perhaps then we would have some things that I would like to sit down and discuss with you – from six feet away – so that I may perhaps help you to understand why that is not a good or helpful viewpoint to have right now.  And perhaps you could help me to understand why you feel that way, so that we might find some kind of a solution that works for all of us without putting so many others in danger.

But be that as it may…

This Pandemic has taught me so much about so many. It has taught me that I am more fragile in some ways than I thought, and that that’s okay. It has taught me that I am stronger under fire than I thought, and that’s okay too. Since I have been back I have seen the best and the worst of people…and have wanted to both stare in fascination and run in horror by turns. I’ve wanted to hide under my bed and fight on the frontlines. And I’m learning to balance out those two sides.

The novelty – if there ever was any – has long since worn off this situation. Gone are the days of showy solidarity, of pot banging and balcony operas and hearts in our windows. We’re tired. We’re all so very tired. And that’s okay too. No one can be expected to keep up such levels forever.

But as we go into the Christmas season, remember this: This IS temporary. It has to be. Because we are strong enough to do what we must to fight it. We sacrifice this Christmas, this Thanksgiving, so that we may see our loved ones for next year’s. We struggle with this seasons’ sorrows and strains so that we can live next season’s joys. It’s hard, Goddess only knows it’s hard. I’m frightened…I’m beyond frightened…

But just one day at a time, one step on the balance beam, one move forward. This is not the time for anyone to try and turn cartwheels. We can do that later…when it’s over.

And it will…be over.

And you will survive this.

I will survive this…

We will all…somehow…survive this.

In the meantime. Yes, I am alive. I am …if not okay…at least as okay as can be expected. And right now, perhaps that’s the best that anyone can ask for.

Holding you all close in my heart.

Shaughnessy

Posted in Below the waterline, Life in the Times of Covid, Sadie, Vacations/Shore-Side | 3 Comments

Letter to the Editor – Second Edition – [11/07/2020]

Posted on November 7, 2020 by GypsyShaughnessy

She’s fighting back!
~ The Last Unicorn

Dear States

I wrote to you four years ago on the eve of a very different election, with a very different outcome. Then, you had let the fury of the red bull in through your front door, and I feared that it – and all it represented – would be there to stay.

Tonight, I watched the bull driven out…by blue, by – to continue my ongoing movie metaphor – by the sea. I watched you fight back. And I was amazed. Amazed at the narrow margin with which victory was snatched out of gnashing teeth (seriously, how did you let the race get that close? How?), and at the fact that – when the chips were really down – you came through for yourselves. Reluctantly and with great difficulty perhaps, but you came through none the less.

History was made this week. Exhausting, wrung out, drawn out history. I am aware that I only watch events unfold from beyond a border that remains closed, but the steps you took today and the decisions you made will change the world. And that is a good thing. It is a good start. Know that it will take the world – that it will take you – a lot of time to heal. In the midst of joyous celebration and dancing in the streets there are still millions of angry, disappointed people in your streets and at your helm that need to be dealt with. And the honest truth is, that some of the issues that the Red Bull made “normal” have to be addressed and dealt with properly, and healthily, so that they may once and forever be changed and eventually be rendered to the history books. The horror and the hatred that was brought forth in the last four years has always been simmering in your heart and your history, and perhaps – as painful as it was – it is a good thing that for a while you had someone steering you that forced you to see that side of yourself for what it is…so that you may now be better equipped to address it.

Tonight I saw a woman speak from behind a podium that I never honestly thought I would see occupied by a woman, let alone by a woman of colour. And behind her, I could sense the faces and spirits of all those who came before. All those who sacrificed and suffered and fought so that one day we could get to this point. So that one day every little girl could look at the world and go “yes, I could do that..that could happen”. And then…I saw a man, chosen by the public, exhibit such grace and kindness in his acceptance of that honour that it brought tears to my eyes. Is that man flawed? Oh yes, I have no doubt, because all human beings are flawed, there is not a one of us that is perfect. Will he be the perfect leader for you? I don’t know. But – as a friend of mine put it – you have just come out of a terribly abusive relationship, and you need someone who is even-keeled right now to help pull you back together. I hope, for everyone’s sake, that he is that man.

Be kind to yourselves in the coming months, be gentle with each other. You deserve that. Everyone deserves that no matter which way they voted.

The fight isn’t over. It is a long, rough journey to repair the damage that has been done, and an even longer one to repair the world’s trust in your once great nation.

But this…this is a start.

Thank you, for giving me hope, that I will one day be able to think of you as “United” once more.

Posted in Transitions, Vacations/Shore-Side | Leave a comment

Stitching Together Normal – [11/02/2020]

Posted on November 2, 2020 by GypsyShaughnessy

And just like that, October has come to a close and I can look back at it all with a tremendous sigh of relief.

This has been a tough month physically and mentally, but it’s also been an incredibly satisfying one. I worked really hard, but I made a lot of people happy and brought a lot of people smiles. And my tour work is actually performing, which so few of my colleagues are able to do right now. So in a very real sense, I ground through a month long show run and came out the other side – and I feel privileged to have done so. A little exhausted perhaps but…privileged .

Now that my life has returned to a relative sense of normal (well, as normal as anything ever is this year), I suppose some updates are in order.

In truth, there isn’t a great deal more to report than there ever is these days. Right now…I think Amras and I were “supposed” to have been in Germany? England? Or was this month supposed to be Scotland? I honestly try not to think about it too much, it’s a little bit heartbreaking; especially when our company just announced yet another extension to it’s already months long pause in operations, and my bank account? Well, let’s just say that’s another thing I’m trying quite hard not to think about.

The other biggest updates is the long-delayed creation of Stitched By Heart Crafts. The idea of creating a small business based on my ability to create art with thread is something I have harboured daydreams about for a few years now; but I have never had the time or the focus to do so. Now? Well, with the need for extra income and the sudden anchor to a true home base, the time seemed perfect. While I still definitely do projects for myself (I took all of October “off” from commissions and worked on a Halloween project for my own wall simply because I was doing so many other things that I needed to do something to chill out in the little bit of time I had), I am focusing heavily on creating things for other people. To my great surprise there has actually been a modest demand for such things! I had no idea there would be any interest, let alone the amount of interest I have been getting.

It gives me a small quiet sense of pride to realize that people think that my work is worth something, that this hobby I’ve had for so many years can bring other people – in a few cases people that I don’t even know – some small spark of joy in all of this chaos.

At the moment I only take on small commissions, no bigger than 8×10, but maybe one day I’ll be able to work up to something bigger. I suppose it depends on how fast I can stitch.

But aside from all that, there is…a beautiful peace in the level of normalcy in my life right now. One of the things I have been most terrified of is that I will be no good at being a partner, or well…anything that goes with that. I am slowly discovering skills I didn’t know I had! And in all honestly, it’s nice to have some semblance of time. Time to think about baking cookies, time to read a book…time…to do the small things that I normally don’t have the ability to do. I’m discovering that – despite the hardships – I quite like normal. There is…magic…in the normal.

You just have no know which page of the book to turn to, and how to keep turning those pages even when the story gets tense.

Bright blessings everyone

 

Posted in Life in the Times of Covid, Reflections, Sadie, Vacations/Shore-Side | Leave a comment