Salt Touched

Thanks for the memories
Of candlelight and wine, Castles on the Rhine
The Parthenon and moments on the Hudson River Line
How lovely it was….

I feel like I have to say something, and yet I really don’t even know where to start. There’s too much, and not enough all at the same time.

But I have to say something.

So here goes…the entry I didn’t think I was going to write for a very long time…if ever at all.

Ten years ago in April I walked up my very first gangplank to begin work on ships. I was young in so many ways, and absolutely terrified. My time living in the UK had in no way provided me with training for the world I was about to enter into. A world of politics and drama that was also a world of wonder and splendor. When I first boarded I didn’t even know where I was going. The fellow who had hired me had emailed me a lot of paperwork about what to expect. But let me tell you this, there is no amount of paperwork that will ever prepare you for standing in the middle of the elevator bay in the I-95 corridor wondering what the heck is going on or even where you’re supposed to put your suitcases! Thankfully one of the youth programmers took me under her wing and showed me where everything was, all this time later I’m ashamed to say I don’t even remember that girl’s name; though I still have her picture somewhere and I would have been totally lost without her.

I remember walking down the deck talking illegally on my cell phone, babbling to my mother about how amazing this job I’d stumbled into was. I remember vividly telling her that I had just had quail for the first time. I remember looking out at the waters of Mexico for the first time and thinking I had never seen anything that blue.

It was all so new. And it would be a very very long time before the amazing started to become common place, but at the same time somehow never got less amazing.

Thanks for reminding me, of rainy afternoons
Swingy harlem tunes, And motor trips and burning lips
And burning toast and prunes
How lovely it was
Many’s the time that we feasted
And many’s the time when we fasted
Oh well, it was swell while it lasted
We did have fun….
And no harm done….

Over the next ten years I led the most incredible life. I was ‘adopted’ into the flagship family, and I had travelled around the world 4 times before my 30^th birthday. I sand boarded on the dunes of Arabia and rode camels in the shadow of the pyramids. I swam with dolphins and knelt quietly in the water while stingrays swam into my lap in Moorea. I climbed the Great Wall twice and marveled at the silence of Japanese temples. I walked the beaches of Bora Bora and climbed the glacial trails of Alaska. I climbed the mast of a tall ship in Australia and skyjumped off of the tallest building in the western hemisphere.

I howled with the wolves at the Alaska Zoo and listened to the lions roar at the Melbourne one. I came home with the what felt like a large part of the Melbourne street embedded in my hands after I fell off a rented bike on the way home.

I’ve even explored Middle Earth.

I stood hand in hand with Amras and cried at the lightshow on Sentosa Island in Singapore. I (and later we) went to every single theme park we could find. I’ve been to every Disney park except Shanghai.

We watched fireworks from the deck and drank rum cocktails at Margaritaville. We motored through Havana in a pink vintage car and danced to local bands in near-empty cafes.

I walked the footsteps of prisoners on Devil’s Island.

And I stood next to the graves of the Titanic victims in Halifax.

I met the man I would one day marry.

I made friends that will last me a lifetime.

And so…so much more. More than I could ever ever describe. More than I have words for. But that I carry in my heart as part of this incredible journey that…as much as I kept saying that I was done with it. That I wanted to be normal. That I wanted to stay in one place…that I didn’t think would ever actually end.

Or if it did, I expected – as anyone would – that it would end on my terms. When I was ready for it to.

And then…a few days ago. It did end. Probably forever. At the very least for the next long while. A whole endless journey ended by a little tiny virus cell that is smaller than the eye can see, but that has shook the entire world and brought what I still thought of as my industry to its knees.

The pandemic  ground the cruise industry to a halt, and the latest victim of it was the partnership that kept my job at the line secure. The entire program was folded with an email. My boss, my friends…all of us…after so many years, have been simply cut adrift like so many others.

There is so much I mourn, and so much that I will miss. My heart is broken on a level that is hard to explain and there is a lot of fear that I am simply trying not to look at too hard.

For those of you who have been wonderful enough to express such strong support in what is a very very challenging time, know that I am grateful. And for those of you who have been asking the understandable question of “what will you do now?”…please…don’t take it personally when I don’t answer…I don’t answer because I don’t have a better answer than “I don’t really know”

But for right now there is one thing that I can say:

We had a fantastic run. And I have no regrets. I have memories that will last me for the rest of my life. And I consider myself so incredibly lucky to have been able to do it at all.

And we will see what the future will bring. After all, to live is an awfully big adventure.

So thanks for the memories
Of summers at the shore
Nights in Singapore
It may have been a headache
But it never was a bore
I thank you so much

We who could laugh over big things
Were parted by only a slight thing
I wonder if we did the right thing
No doubt we did, of course we did
But thanks for reminding me
Of midnight in Mormarte, Galleries of Art
We travelled with the smart set, so I guess that we were smart
I thank you so much

And strictly entre-nous
Darling how are?
And how are the little dreams that never did come true?
Awfully glad I met you
Cheerio and toodle-loo
I thank you so much….