Salt Touched

Good little girls, never get lost out in the woods
Good little girls, play in their own yard
Witches and wolves waiting to spring
Hide in the trees
I know but still it’s hard just staying at home
Sitting around, playing with dolls
Watching the world at play
And if I’m lost in the woods a little
Somehow I’ll find my way…

There is a beautiful kind of terror that comes from not knowing where you’re going to go next. From not knowing what’s over the next hill, or on the other side of the next wave. The trick is, that kind of beauty can only be savoured if you know that you are standing on solid ground when you take that step into the unknown. Leap of faith and all that.

I’m so lucky, I really truly am, it’s true that I am often alone out here – or at least I feel like it, I can be in a crowd of people with a smile on my face and under the glamour I’m completely alone – but wherever I go, I still have my family, I still have my small tight knit Pack (though there are a few lone wolves that come and go of their own accord, they know who they are – and that they mean no less to me)…and they understand me.

I am, by nature, a solitary creature. I can put on the mask of being a social butterfly; it’s just another role that I play from day to day as the occasion calls for it, but really? I’m the Cinderella who would sneak out of the ball, who would flee the prince and the limelight, who would gladly hike up the edges of her ball gown to trudge through the forest to the stillness of a lakeside and sit looking at the water instead…let the others dance and show off…I prefer the company of my own thoughts most of the time…

And I’m coming to realize that that’s okay….

So if you need me? I’ll just…be over here, in a treehouse, by a lake…with my nose in a book…

There will come a time, I’m sure, when I can walk on a ship and not have the overwhelming compulsion to overhaul the library. That day, I’m sure is coming…it just…hasn’t quite arrived yet.

Now, were I taking over from Spartan – who I worked with for years as a co-librarian before Head Office decided to cut the position down to one this season, I would have no concern whatsoever. Spartan is brilliant, and has always left the office in the state he would want to find it in, when I’m taking over from him? I only need to walk in, sit down and start typing…that’s just what happens when you’ve worked with someone that long.

Taking over from the Holiday cruise? No matter how superb your predecessor was…it’s just never quite going to work that way.

You see, everyone leaves a stamp on the office, none of us – not even those of us who trained together or worked together, operate precisely the same way. And someone who is on for only a short contract is unlikely to have the time or indeed the need to redo or update an entire catalog! So, it falls to Spartan or myself to make sure that the flagship has her quarterly overhaul, and since Spartan will have done his fair share when he was here in the fall – that means the spring cleaning is squarely in my lap.

I grouse of course, but by now everyone knows that this is really a voluntary project, there’s nothing saying I have to do it. But I know it needs doing and I like doing it, and I’m good at it. Besides, on my last ship I got it down to a system where-in I can update the necessary information in half the time it used to take me…so there’s that to consider.

~There’s a river to cross and a mountain to climb
Patience, patience, it’s gonna take some time~
~ Dreamgirls

I’ve had guests tell me – in none so many words – that I have the patience of an angel. This is not true, I have the patience of an angry venomous snake if you know me well (there are multiple Pack and family members who will completely vouch for that!), but what I do have is an extreme amount of understanding for people who have no patience with themselves.

I have only two rules in my “office”, neither of which is that difficult to remember, though you’d be surprised how easily people – myself included – tend to forget.

1) Treat me with the respect that you want to be treated:

I am trying my best to assist you; I am trying my best to give you as much one on one attention as I am humanly able to give. Do not judge my technical ability simply because I do not where stripes, or because I happen to be a woman when you’re used to a male tech manager. Accept that I will do my utmost to fix your problem and soothe your nerves, and that if I cannot find that resolution, it is not for lack of trying and I take no joy in not being able to fix something. Yelling at me may make you feel better, but it will not make your problem resolve any differently or any faster.

2) Do NOT call yourself stupid, or brainless or any variation there of:

“No one is allowed to call themselves stupid in my library”, that sentences passes my lips about twenty times a shift. Just like I ask you to not be hard on me, don’t be so hard on yourself! Technology is a pain, it’s constantly changing and difficult to follow. Not knowing how to do something doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it means that you don’t know how to do something, that you haven’t learned yet. That’s not a problem, that’s fixable. Be patient with yourself, the more patience you have with yourself, the less angry you will become, the better the silly computer will work for you. You are NOT incompetent, you are ill-informed, there is a huge difference between those two things. Trust that you don’t always need my help, don’t need me to hold your hand every step of the way. How do I know this? Because I know absolutely that you are much smarter than you think you are…you just need to realize that is all.

Two rules. So very basic. Really, just two. Is that really so difficult?

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

The thing with the GWV, is that the first four days? The first week? Definitely the hardest, not that the whole thing isn’t a bit wonderfully insane, but for the first four days? You don’t sit down, your voice gets hoarse from talking too much, and you somewhat fall into bed face first and black out…not that that’s a bad thing!

But this new job – and yes, it still feels new – does indeed sometimes go crazy…for example? Today I didn’t even have time to finish folding the newspapers in the morning! Line-up of 20 people at my desk all day, and no IT help until the afternoon or evening.

Plus it’s the first formal night, which means Welcome Reception, which means running from point a to point b and changing because said reception is formal wear (wait, check spreadsheet, which formal am I wearing tonight…okay…that one, I can quick change into that one, no problem, I got this), oh? And that thing I mentioned about being a dancer finally catching up with my feet? Ooooh so not liking the heels right now! But, vanity goes with the job, and I do like feeling like Cinderella.

Two days in, and I haven’t yet got mad, or eaten too much chocolate, or consumed a drop of white zin…so I can safely say, off to a roaring good start!