When I’m deep inside of me
Don’t be too concerned
I won’t ask for nothin’ while I’m gone… ~ ‘Honesty’, Billy Joel
Those who know me well – those who have seen me in an off-duty context – know that I truly am an introvert. I’m shy. I’m self-conscious, and I am, in truth, pretty terribly insecure. I depend on my acting background a heavy amount to get by in the hospitality industry. It’s one of the things that makes so darn good at my job.
Of course, there are also rather a lot of exceptionally bright spots of colour in my day to day life. More than most people can ever lay claim to. Spiced rum and butterflies in Puerto Rico, flying off buildings in New Zealand, getting a hug from Melissa Manchester in the middle of my work day. Despite it’s ups and downs, I wouldn’t trade my job – wouldn’t go back to the day to day grind of shore-side – for all the tea in china (and honestly, there really IS a lot of tea in china! Random things I have learned here) or all the saffron in India (that may be a more accurate metaphor actually). There is so much music in my life that it puts most symphonies to shame. I have never, and never will, deny that. Then again, I really believe that there is music in everyone’s life, if they only remember how to Listen…
But that said, this isn’t shaping up to be an easy contract. My workload has doubled, but my hours haven’t changed. Until the World Cruise starts I’m the only one in the library, the front lines, with no back-up. My trainer says I’m actually doing an exceptionally good job, and that I have absolutely nothing to worry about. And I suppose worth ethic wise I don’t, but goddess it’s taking a lot out of me. I don’t even have the energy to unpack my sewing yet. Which is very unusual for me on a contract where I haven’t yet established close friends, but as far as that goes – going out at night? Not going to happen. I come home from work at 10, stumble through perhaps a half a movie, then give up and crawl into bed.
I’m being honest when I say it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m smart, and I’m damn capable, and I do surprisingly well under pressure. But this is the kind of pressure it takes some time some time for me to adjust to – as the biggest thing about being the one on the front lines is that it’s a lot of people talking to you all at once, and often none of them particularly pleased with what you have to tell them.
Yeah, I can feel those of you who know me well wincing in sympathy.
But don’t worry! Really don’t! It’s not as bad as I might be making it out to be…I just wanted to put all this out there, so that any of you who wondered why I may go quiet for a while…at least until things on the World Cruise really get going (read: when I get a partner again) – knew that I was alright, and at least a little bit of what was going on behind the scenes.
If I happen to be away for a while, just remember to listen to the music in your own life until I get back.