“Mr Ismay..I believe you have your headlines” – Cartagena, Columbia – [04/14/2019]

Posted on April 14, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

Who called for speed and to break every record
Who had to keep all the millionaires happy?
How dare you Smith I will not stand here indicted
Who ignored warnings of ice bergs when sighted?
WHO SIR refused to extend up the bulkheads?
YOU SIR to give the first class bigger state rooms!
~ Titanic: The Musical

107 years ago, over 1500 people were simply going about their lives. Dreaming dreams that were likely untroubled. After all, look at where they were! On the most luxurious ship in the world, on the adventure of a life time. They had, by that point, probably already dined, and in the case of many of the 3rd class passengers, most had probably not had such good food at home. They had…nothing to worry about. None of them were aware, none of them had been told.

The last ice warning reached the Titanic’s radio room at just after 9pm, but it never reached the bridge. One of a chain of mishaps and miscommunications that would ultimately lead to disaster. Where were the binoculars? Was the steel weak? Was there a fire? Was there already structural damage? Was she doomed from the start or was it the Captain’s pride that brought her down? Or was it everyone’s pride?

In those last cold, frigid moments; it is said that the best and the worst of humanity shone through. Men gave up their seats to third class women, but vast swathes of steerage were locked below. Couples refused to separate and instead were swallowed together, a stewardess had a baby that was not hers shoved into her arms; while that same baby’s brother was lost. Mr Ismay survived to see his headlines, and that would dog him for the rest of his life – the coward who should have down with the ship he was proud to own but not willing to die for. And above it all, to the very last, the band played on, and the stokers – knowing they were doomed, kept the lights burning.

When Ballard and his team first found her remains in the 1980s, in the middle of the night, they had a moment of tremendous celebration! They had done it! They had found the unfindable! And then…as you can see in the many documentaries that include the footage – there was a moment of total silence.

Guys……Titanic goes down in 5 minutes…

Over the years Ballard has been portrayed as something of an idealist, but the truth is he has made a pretty penny of the doom of the Ship of Dreams. Perhaps he started out respectful, but he didn’t stay that way. In some ways, I have to wonder at the irony of that, the fact that it was greed and the striving for power that caused the White Star Line to build her in the first place, and it will – ultimately – be greed that destroyed what’s left of her now.

We never learn…not really.

1500 people, trapped in the cold vastness of the Atlantic. So many of them barely wanting more than a dream of a better life.

All because we, in our pride, thought she was unsinkable…

And in the end, the cold won…

107 years later…I think she – and her ghosts – wish only to be left in peace.

Posted in Reflections, Titanic | Leave a comment

Lollipops & Roses – At Sea – [04/12/2019]

Posted on April 12, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

It occurs to me that I really should clarify something – to the few readers that I have left (there aren’t many of you, but that’s okay with me, one day I *may* open the blog back up to the general public, but not today). Anyway, what I need to clarify is this: I’m not unhappy.

I know I sometimes sound like I am. But rest assured it is less unhappiness and more…pensiveness, perhaps tinged with a bit of confusion. I’m working through quite a few things right now, after all, my life is about to take a very big turn.

It came to me recently that I have been running about trying desperately to balance everyone and everything around me, my mind completely full of problems to solve, numbers to calculate, huge decisions to make what feels like nearly every minute of every day – that I have…in some ways forgotten about myself. Which is foolish, because in some ways I also feel like I’ve been nothing but self-centered, partially because there is so much going on. Anyway, I have taken a lot onto myself, some of which I actually needed to take on, some of which I didn’t…

So, since this is a quiet contract – very quiet – I am taking it as a welcome opportunity to…make myself relax.

And as such, I have rediscovered reading. Sounds silly I know, considering that I’m sure it seems like all I do is read; but it’s something I haven’t really made a lot of time for in the last few months.

Oddly, it seems my reading choices keep falling into a pattern these days: Paris. Every book I pick up, every one that catches my eye, seems to be either set in France, or in Paris itself. This is not on purpose on my part, I am not ..seeking out Paris; it just seems to keep finding me. Don’t believe me? Five Quarters of the Orange – picked it up because of the author, found it was set in the small town on the muddy banks of a river in occupied France. Enchantee? A magician navigating her way through the churning currents of Versailles in the lead up to the French revolution. And the list goes on…

As such, I suppose it’s not a surprise that I ended up back in Lansquenet-sous-Tannes; and the world of Chocolat. It’s been a very long time since I visited Vianne Roche, I had almost forgotten just how much these books touched me….one in particular: the Lollipop Shoes, the surprisingly little known continuation of the story of Vianne. In this book, gone is the red-caped, light-hearted heroine of the original, her magic dimmed, her light shuttered. And into her purposely careful world, waltzes a woman who is so close to what she used to be…Zozie…with bright red shoes and an attitude of “F*ck you, I’m Fabulous”…

Changed the way I looked at a lot of things that book…so perhaps it’s not a coincidence that it wandered back into my life just now…just when I am finding it most important to remember that there absolutely is magic everywhere…

When I am happy.

Posted in Below the waterline, Reflections | Leave a comment

Interlude II – At Sea – [04/04/2019]

Posted on April 4, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

And just like that you’re off again.

I’ll be brutally honest here – I didn’t want to take this contract. It’s only a month long, but losing this particular month this close the wedding? This close to everything else that is so much more important? That’s a tough decision to have to make. Most of my choices aren’t very money driven, but this one was. I couldn’t afford to take 5 straight months off before getting married, so my boss was kind enough to give me a month long filler in the middle.

Practically, it makes a very great deal of sense.

Emotionally? Leaving town in April when you’re getting married in June? That may not have been my wisest move, there is so much to do at home – and most of it is fun stuff, fun important BIG stuff! That I’m finding it increasingly difficult to be…here…instead.

But that said, it IS only for a month. That’s only four Fridays! And then I get to be back home.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the concept of “home” these days. I found myself getting extremely upset yesterday when I was sitting in the welcome onboard meeting and the HR Manager had the nerve to say “honestly THIS is your home, because how much time do you spend anywhere else?”; because nope this isn’t my home. Never has been. The flagship perhaps almost was, but ships in general? Nope, not home.

And nope, no one gets to say that it is. Not nobody not no how.

This? It is a career, like any other. It has its ups and its downs. These days it is – I’ll admit – wearing a little thin…at times, in places.

But the guests this contract so far are funloving, and kind, and the management team is laid back and seems to genuinely care at least a little. And that does make a huge difference.

Yup, I got this.

Posted in Below the waterline, Reflections | 2 Comments

Any Turning…. – Victoria, BC – [03/24/2019]

Posted on March 24, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

They say they built the train tracks over the Alps, between Vienna and Venice, before there was a train that could make the trip. They built it anyway. They knew one day the train would come. Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be elsewhere, I would be different. What are four walls anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game…it’s such a surprise! ~ Under the Tuscan Sun

…Such a surprise…

There have been many times in my life where I have “stopped” being something. I am no longer a child. I am no longer a student. I am – in the technical sense – no longer a Dancer. I am no longer a librarian. I was, for a time, no longer sure I was a performer.

And yet, those are all countered by the things I am. By the things I will become.

We are all made up of the pieces of the things we once were, the pieces of the things we carry with us, and the things that we will be in the next minute, the next hour, the next …everything. We are the sum of our memories and the sum of our future selves. We are nothing short of exactly the total of ourselves in that particular moment in time. And no one, not even the bravest physic, can possibly predict what comes after that moment.

So why then, do we fear? Especially that which we know we cannot control.

My life, just at the moment, is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Just when I think it’s steadied out, something seems to happen to knock it that little bit off kilter; but I’m coming to realize that that’s everyone’s life. Everyone is on their own private rollercoaster. Some of us are lucky enough to have a tandem car, but that does mean the speeds change, or that the loops and rolls are any slower.

There are a lot of big changes a little further down the tracks for me. Not just the wedding, although that is definitely at the height of the list, along with many of the things that go with it, but other things. There are changes at work happening that once again have me wondering if it’s perhaps time to rachet in the wings and work a bit more on putting down some roots. That’s not necessarily something that’s due to happen in the immediate future, but something that I have recently realized I do need to be prepared for. After all, investing in a hard-hat doesn’t necessarily mean the sky is going to fall, but is helpful should such a thing occur.

I have a hard-wired tendency to spiral when things get hard, I am forever afraid that something will happen to topple my own personal apple cart and leave me a frail old woman without even a cat. And yet…when things like this occur, I eventually remind myself that in my whole life, I have never had fate, the universe, whatever you want to refer to it by, fail me…something has always come thorugh, something has always worked out.

The train has always come.

So…I suppose I just get to keep walking, moment by moment, so that I can catch it at the next station.

Posted in Below the waterline, Reflections, Vacations/Shore-Side, Wedding Bells | 1 Comment

Because We Come From Everywhere… – Vancouver – [03/10/2019]

Posted on March 10, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

I’m an Islander, I am an Islander
Welcome to the Rock!

[…]

Welcome to the fog
Welcome to the trees
To the ocean and the sky
And whatever’s in between
To the one’s who’ve left
You’re never truly gone..

I have a strong positive reaction to nearly every live show I see. In all my years in and out of theatre there has only been one that was an exception. I fall in love with each and every one of them.

But every so often…one comes along that is…special. That is something even beyond special, that pulls something out of me that I didn’t even know I had in me to begin with.

Come From Away, is one of those on that very very short list.

This show….

I don’t even know if I have words to say what this show feels like. I don’t know if I can pin it down to a moment, if I can find the right pieces to put together to tell you what it feels like. The world needs this show. Needs stories like this. Needs them desperately. This show doesn’t just have a catchy soundtrack and some very witty dialogue, this show doesn’t just give a little bit of escapism…this show…gives something far more precious. It gives hope. Hope that in the midst of everything terrible that is happening in your life, in everyone’s life, in the world, there is beauty, there is kindess…because things like this happen.

Bear with me, this may take a little while…

When I was just in grade school, my Mum and I went on a school skiiing trip, and this was back way before cell phones, when buses had those tiny tv screens in the ceilings. So a bunch of tired kids were treated to a screening of Speed on a bus in the middle of the night going down the highway. I remember how huge that screen felt in those circumstances, how close I felt to the actors, how incredibly shocked I was when the movie ended and I was suddenly back in the bus looking at this little tiny screen.

That’s the same thing that happened ot me tonight.

I had dress circle seats. Which are some of the best seats in the house for sightline, but have the downside of being far away from the stage, and I hadn’t brought my mini-binoculars, so I had a moment of going “oh dear, this could be interesting”. And then it didn’t matter, because just like that television screen long ago, the stage suddenly expanded and rolled close, and it felt as if I was sitting the front row. It takes a lot of energy to do that on multiple levels.

At first the audience applauded with every song, and then about fifteen minutes in, there were no applause, there was no whispering, the whole theatre was simply rapt. And when there were pauses it was usually for laughter (“for the love of god, stop bringing toilet paper to the lion’s club!!!”)…or that still silence that means everyone in that theatre is remembering exactly where they were when this story happened. Because all of us remember it. All of us. Every one.

I take just one second for myself and I’m sitting in my car
I’m in the library
I’m in the staff room
And I turn on the radio…
You are here, at the start of the moment
On the edge of the world, where the river meets the sea
Here on the edge of the Atlantic
On an island in between there and here

It’s a cast of twelve people. And the entire set other than the backdrop? Is 12 chairs. That’s it. Twelve people, twelve chairs. And that alone is amazing. Those twelve people managed to make up a cast of 7000 people and dozens of locals (oh, and 19 animals), and those twelve chairs weren’t chairs – they were planes, school buses, and everything in between. As an actress it was one of the most amazing performances I have ever witnessed…and as a person…it was the most beautiful story I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve got one plane who’s asking for priority debark…turns out they were on their way to Orlando…with 35 Wish kids heading to Disneyworld

I think it was then that the few people in the audience that weren’t crying, suddenly were. And as it turns out? Those ‘wish kids’?

Well, we had to tell them that they weren’t going to Disney after all, but as it turns out? They didn’t care! They were having hayrides, and riding horses, and if they’d gotten to Florida? They well…it turns out they would have had a week of rain.

Canada is not perfect, far from it, we have screwed up just as much as anybody else…but the fact that the events of this story actually happened in my country make me heart-burstingly proud.

There are some moments that stand out; the biggest one , other than the drum beat of the opening number, is the solo of Me & The Sky, which was both amazing and wrenching to watch. But the one that really stands out is the one I often skip over when I’m listening to the CD…about half way through the show, there’s a prayer. And all the characters are on stage, and you see those that are Jewish finally speaking (“I was always told never to tell people I was jewish, but after what’s happened? After knowing that any one of us could have died on Tuesday? It just doesn’t seem important anymore”) and the muslims laying out their prayer mats, and all these different cultures and religions all thrown together in this tiny little church…and it just hits you just how…all the same we all are. We are all fragile and frightened, we are all looking for a light in the darkness. That’s what holds us together…and too often we forget that.

The show is an hour and a half long…and there’s no intermission. And you do not notice. It feels like twenty minutes. I know the soundtrack inside out, so I knew when it was coming to the finale, and found myself htinking “no! No I don’t want to leave!”.

And after five days? We just rolled the Zamboni over the ice…and we played hockey…

When the last plane left, I sat down, and I cried…I hadn’t let myself cry the whole time…

When the show concluded, it did so with a finale that brought the entire Queen Elizabeth theatre roaring to its feet, crying cheering, and screeching as though we had just done shots in a Newfoundland Legion bar.

The lights shut off with a flash and people were still cheering, and then suddenly the stage lights came back on, and the band stepped forward (because the band is on stage for the whole show) and rolled into the exit music, which brought everyone to tears again…and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s hands still sting.

Theatre is a transient art, performers bring heartbursting joy to the world and then that’s it, the show’s over. Even if you film it, you could never capture what that theatre felt like. But some shows, just some…are so powerful that they leave an indelible mark on the souls of the people who are lucky enough to witness it.

It will be a long long while before I can afford to do anything big and fancy…there may not be another set of tickets in my future for a little while…but this? I will never ever regret seeing this….

 

Posted in Below the waterline, Vacations/Shore-Side | 1 Comment

Flying Solo – Vancouver, BC – [03/10/2019]

Posted on March 10, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

I often jokingly call Vancouver Island the “Hawaii” of Canada, and as far as the rest of the country is concerned that’s not too far off. I mean, when everyone else in Canada has snow drifts, we usually have cherry blossoms (our legendary “pink snow”). Except, apparently, for this year.

This year it has been cold, and it is still cold. Colder than most of us seem to remember it being…

Brrrr

But, it’s bound to warm up eventually. We hope. Y’know, before we start having to nail blankets over the windows and such (I’m kidding…mostly).

Anyway…

Today I am doing something unusual for me – I am taking a day trip (Despite the cold)…for fun.

No really, this isn’t a common thing for me. Usually all the amazing things I get to do are done directly as a result of work. The only reason I’ve been able to climb pyramids and ride camels and shiver under the northern lights is because really, it’s part of my job. I rarely leave the island unless it’s work related.

But almost all the big travelling broadway productions come to Vancouver, they never seem to make the jump to the island (except, for some odd reason Jersey Boys which is coming to the island in May, and which there is no way on earth I can afford in time or money because well..it’s May and I have things to do). So once in a very great while, I scrape together the price of a ticket– and head over to the ‘big city’. These are rare, and very precious trips for me, in some ways they mean more than the work related ones. Don’t ask me to explain that because I can’t really, they just do.

In this case it was bought months in advance long before it became clear that it’s going to be quite some time before I can afford such things again, or in the words of Mame “Before I was tempted to spend the money on something foolish like food”). Come From Away is running in Vancouver, and I have been on the pre-sale list for tickets for nearly a year. I wanted very much to be able ot take my parents, but when I went to finally buy the tickets? Only hours after they went on sale? There were no three together anywhere. So we agreed that I would take the price of three lower teir tickets and use it for one dress circle ticket…

Welcome to my solo bachelorette party! Which is honestly the way I wanted it. I am – as most of my readers know – not much of a people person. And the timing of this couldn’t be better, because all I want right now is a break from all the pressure – perceived and otherwise – that has been building up around me in the last few weeks.

So excuse me while I just go…run away for a few hours!

Posted in Below the waterline, Vacations/Shore-Side | Leave a comment

A Million Dreams – Victoria, BC – [03/05/2019]

Posted on March 5, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

And every night I lie in bed
The brightest colours fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it’s gonna take

There’s a house we can build
Every room inside is filled
With things from far away
The special things I compile
Each one there to make you smile
On a rainy day

~ The Greatest Showman “A Million Dreams”

For most of my adult life, I have wanted a place to call just mine. For most of my life on cruise ships, I have wanted a place to call “ours”, though there were a lot of times I didn’t always know exactly what that meant. Knew what I wanted, without really knowing what that was. Then after a long while, I knew who I wanted to share that dream with me, but I didn’t honestly think that was going to happen. I didn’t. Some dreams are not ones that come true, they’re your light, your carrot on a stick, but they don’t come true. Except when you turn around twice and find that they actually are, they are coming true.

I have a lot of moments of being totally overwhelmed by all this. I think everyone does. I think everyone would. Getting married? When you’re an only child from a close family, when you’re any child from any family, is a huge thing. It’s a life shift. It’s terrifying, it’s exhilarating and it’s intimidating…and yes, I am frightened. But it’s not a bad fear. It’s just standing on the threshold of something that I was simply never crazy enough to think I would have…and fearing that maybe I’m not going to be any good at it.

Having a place, a place that is just ours, something we can build.

That is huge. That is…colossal…and that is a huge responsibility that I really dearly hope I’m ready for.

When you have a national geographic life, what do you have left to daydream about? I’ve been asked, that question so many times, and I’ve answered it so many times. My answer – just for me, not for anyone else, not putting thoughts in anyone else’s head – is always the same: a place that’s yours, a place where the red door closes and you and yours have the only key. You dream about hanging home-printed art on green walls, about opening curtains on Sunday morning and feeling sunshine on your face when you work on the computer. You dream about stability. You can’t buy into it completely, because life is crazy and you’re also a bit of a gypsy, but even gypsies need roots.

It may be second hand furniture and home-printed art, the pictures frames may be from drug stores instead of framing shops, and it may be a long time before we can save up enough to get some of the things on our “want” list…

And I may be frightened. We may both be frightened, but I don’t care…

Because a million dreams are keeping me awake….

Posted in Below the waterline, Transitions, Vacations/Shore-Side, Wedding Bells | Leave a comment

We’ll Make It I Swear – Victoria – [02/23/2019]

Posted on February 23, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

Tommy used to work on the docks
The union’s been on strike, he’s down on his luck
It’s tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love, for love

She says you gotta hold on to what we got
It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not
We got each other, and that’s a lot for love

It’s not easy. But then, maybe it’s not supposed to be. I’ve always said that the fairy tale exists, but the fairy tale is work. Not unhappy work, not pain – that’s a whole other thing but….a happy ending is actually made up of a million conscious and unconscious choices each and every day. It’s not something you can just sit with and assume will manifest or maintain all on its own. And as a dear, dear relative reminded me just last night – the trick is remembering where your strength lies.

There is a lot going on; and it’s not just about planning the wedding, planning the wedding is the fun part. In fact, planning the wedding has been a high-tension roller-coaster ride that’s actually been a blast; sort of like the ultimate treasure hunt, there’s a rush when we find exactly the perfect thing that we were looking for (the centerpieces arrived yesterday for example, and they are adorable.) No, it’s not the wedding – it’s everything that goes with that – mortgage payments, food budgets, contract line-ups, immigration requirements, move in dates, move out dates. It’s a regular whirlwind within a cyclone of planning, none of which ever seems to go exactly according to the way we thought it would, but all of which seems to be working out step by tiny step.

And in the middle of all this vaguely controlled mayhem….are the two of us.

Amras and I have been through a great deal, and as a result we have become much stronger than many (not most, just many). At the moment? We’re a little exhausted, a little stressed and sometimes a little scared; but there is a distinct light at the end of the tunnel. If nothing else? We have each other; and a hard worked for open line of communication that is a solid, grounded, lifeline.

So things continue to go well. There are challenges, there will always be challenges, but over the years I have found that I have developed a blessed ability to look a little bit further into the future than I used to. Not in the sunny-eyed Pollyanna “everything will be fine” sense, but more in the hard-nosed “this is what the numbers and facts say is going to happen” kind of way, and – even though we can never truly predict the future –  that sense of ‘this is why everything is going to be okay in the end’ is just as reassuring as the ability to communicate it is.

Yes, I am somewhat exhausted, I’m sure that we both are, but as I said, there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not an oncoming train.

And as for me? I have faith…

And we’ll be coming in, on a wing and a prayer….

Posted in Below the waterline, Reflections, Vacations/Shore-Side, Wedding Bells | 2 Comments

Blanketed – Victoria – [02/13/2019]

Posted on February 13, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

It has snowed the last few days in my hometown. This is very unusual for us, as we normally get a small Christmas card dusting in March and that’s it. But this was a genuine snowfall that lasted for three days and coated everything in soft, silent white.

So I bundled up yesterday and took myself and my camera out into the flurries, because it’s not very often that we get to capture this.

I know it’s expensive, and I know it’s a pain, and yes I complain about it along with everyone else. But I secretly love snow – a friend of mine said recently that snow makes it feel like “for a few moments the world isn’t ours and that’s refreshing”…and I think that’s it really. As my booted feet dug into the inches thick layer of cushioning white on the sidewalks, it did feel like I was walking in a whole other place. Everything was quiet, and pure and even…rendered in a crisp cold monochrome. Nature’s black and white photography.

And people talk more, somehow, when it’s snowing. When you’re walking on a sidewalk that only has a single trail of footsteps available, and you have to pass someone, you find that you automatically smile, and speak and make eye contact. You can’t really stare at your phone while you’re walking in the snow, for the sheer reason that you have to actually watch where you’re going. I had more human interaction on that hour long walk than I usually do walking down a sunlit street.

Snow…deep down…gives me hope.

And these days, I think we should all take hope, wherever we can find it.

Posted in Below the waterline, Reflections, Vacations/Shore-Side | Leave a comment

Safe & Sound – Victoria, BC – [02/08/2019]

Posted on February 9, 2019 by GypsyShaughnessy

And here I am safely home (the hotel did eventually find my reservation!). It was a long cold journey, but I made it all in one piece and am much better for it.

It always feels strange to be home; at least for the first few days. Everything is so quiet, especially since at the moment it’s snowing out. This is highly unusual for my hometown; we do not normally get snow, except for a tiny Christmas card dusting around the holidays and occasionally the same amount in March. But it started snowing this morning and hasn’t yet really stopped. It took a break briefly late this afternoon, but picked back up again swiftly.

I’m for the most part unpacked, rested up and am now completely wrapped up in everything from accommodation booking to contact lens appointments to chair rentals. Hair appointments, nail appointments, final dress fittings….so many little things.

Welcome to wedding planning.

The truth is that Amras and I have been planning our wedding since nearly the day after he slipped the ring onto my finger; but now we’re down to the last few months – and it’s the little details. The last little things like ordering the samples for the flowers and such.

Definitely a project. Thankfully an entertaining one though (and hey, I love a challenge!), and one that I have a great deal of help with! Thanks to my family and a wide-stretching collection of friends (including the BEST bridesmaid’s EVER)…I have limited my moments of going insane.
Overall? It just feels so good to be home.

Posted in Travel, Vacations/Shore-Side, Wedding Bells | Leave a comment